Forbidden Truth

Chapter 88

Chapter 88
I heard the loft door open just as I had finished with the zipper. I turned around to see Derek. He had a weird vibe coming off of him and he was walking really slow. I guess it was a little surprising to see me here, waiting for him, after being gone.
"Hey." He said when he came down the steps. I took a deep breath for a little courage. As I did so, I smelled it on him. The same scent that had been on his the night when I taught him how to use a gun. The same scent that had been on his since then. "Hi." I said. I took another deep breath. This was going to be the most painful discussion of my life.
As I had been waiting for him to get back I had tried to talk myself out of this over and over again. Each time, just as I was about to head for the hill, I remembered what I had talked to Parrish about earlier. I owed this to myself and Derek.
"Are you alone?" I asked stiffly. Even without his supernatural abilities Derek could still feel something looming over us like a dark, ominous cloud. He nodded and walked toward me. Maybe he knew what was coming. Maybe he always knew.
"We need to talk." I told him. I swallowed hard to try to get the lump in my throat down. To my dismay, it didn't work. Derek stopped just feet away from me. He nodded slowly. "Okay." There was no emotion in his voice. Nothing reflected in his expression or body language either. I took another deep breath. This time I realized I was glad that Derek wasn't a werewolf anymore. I smelled more like Parrish than I did myself.
"You know that you're my first love. And I think some part of me will always love you. We've hung on to us for the last nine years. We've been through a lot together. But, um,..." The lump in the my throat was beginning to suffocate me. My stomach hurt so bad I was sure I was going to be sick. I did my best to swallow back the tears in my eyes. I have to be strong. "Derek, I don't know if this is working." My heart was falling apart. I could feel it splitting up into little pieces and falling away to make a gap in my chest.
Derek looked just as crushed as I felt. I couldn't look at him because it hurt too badly. "No. Eva, I'm in love with you. I love you." Derek said desperately walking toward me. There was so much desperation in his voice. Why did he want to hang on so badly? "I love you too." I whispered. I wanted nothing more than to smack myself. I showed too much emotion.
"Then what's the problem?" Derek asked. I forced myself to pull it together and I looked at him. "The problem is we have feelings for other people." I said a little hurt. He should know. Just because he doesn't have werewolf abilities anymore doesn't mean I lost mine too. "I don't-" I cut him off. "Don't!" I exhaled roughly. "Don't lie to me. That night after I came back from the hospital, I could smell Braeden on you. I smelled more than just Braeden." I prayed I was wrong. Tell me I'm wrong, please. But I knew I wasn't. There was a long, painful pause.
"So what does this mean?" He asked solumly. I had to keep myself together. I glance at my suitcase. "I'm moving out of the loft." I told him. I was holding myself together better than I thought. He shook his head. "That's not what I mean." I didn't say anything for a while. "We just have to figure out what these feelings mean. If it's just because of what I was doing while you were in Mexico... or something else." I don't know which one I wanted. I loved Derek. I had loved him for nine years. That's something I can't deny or erase. We had been in love and we had been happy. But recently our relationship was hard and it felt like deep down neither of us wanted it. I realized it after I told him what I had been doing while he was in Mexico. He told me I wasn't a monster because he knew that's what I wanted to hear. But the other day when Parrish found out about my bloody past, he told me he didn't believe I was a monster. He didn't say it because he knew that's what I wanted to hear, he said it because he believes it.
I picked up my bags and headed toward the doors without another word. I made it to the top of the stairs and turned back. "Derek." I called. He turned around immediately. "I need you to understand something. If something happens between you and Braeden and it doesn't work out. I will not be your second choice. You owe me that. After all this time you owe me that."
*****
When I got back to Parrish's apartment, there was a since of relief. I no longer had the heavy feeling that I was torn between two people, dragging them both into my destruction.
There is a difference between working at a relationship and forcing one. Derek and I were an epic love. But not all epic loves last. We had our time and it was good but it didn't last.
None the less, I came into Parrish's apartment, sat down on the couch and cried. I had my knees against up chest trying to curl up into the smallest ball I could get in. I wrapped me around a around my legs and sat there like a little kid.
When I was younger it took me a long time to come to terms with crying. I had always believed that crying was a weak thing. If you cried you were tough enough for life. But I eventually learned that crying isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign that you care about something. It's a sign that you're human. It's a sign that you're alive.
I heard the door to the apartment open and footsteps came in. There was enough breeze outside that it carried in Parrish's scent. I tried to be quiet and unnoticeable. I didn't want him to see me cry. That was something I never came to terms with. I'll cry but I don't want anyone to see me cry. I tried to wipe away the tears on my face as quickly as I could.
"Eva?" He said quietly. I bit my lip. If I talked I'd give myself away. I listened to him walk around the couch. He sat down beside me. He put his arm around me and pulled me close to him. I curled up against his chest. His muscles rippled as I leaned against him. He tightened his arms around me and pulled me closer against him. Then I didn't feel like crying anymore.
I had said before that nothing felt safer than being in Derek's arms. I was wrong. Somehow, someway, Parrish felt safer.