Love Through Me (Lesbian Story)

chapter 7

Jamie

    Reminder of what happened to me played in my mind throughout the night. I could hardly stay sleep more than thirty minutes at a time before the memories crept back into my dreams. I cried softly a few times until I hated my own tears. Riley had did her best to take care of me. I couldn't help but notice she wouldn't touch me. Dread of her thinking of me as dirty and ugly now choked me. I wasn't assaulted completely so why did I act as if I was?

   Many women were raped and I wasn't one of them. I should have shaken this feeling off of me long ago. I never thought anything like this would happen to me. I'd put all my faith into believing that God would protect me. Maybe it was because of my feelings for Riley. Maybe God was punishing me. No...that was not true.

   I fallen asleep again and once I woke it was late in the morning. I didn't lift my head up but I noticed Tina was gone. My head throbbed from the alcohol I drank along with tense spots over my body. I squeezed my thighs together hating the feeling or thought of any man being between my legs. I felt disgust and dirty. All Derek done was touch me sexually, slap me around, and rip my shirt up a bit. I looked over to Riley's bed and she was still sleeping. I was thankful she wasn't gone. I didn't want to get out of bed so I closed my eyes again soon falling back to sleep.

   By the time I woken up for good, I slept the whole day away. I peaked over to my clock, realizing it was eight in the evening. Tina was talking to Riley and I continued to act as if I was sleep listening in.

   "Shit girl, what the fucks up with you two?" Tina asked concerned.

   Riley just shrugged. "She has a hangover," Riley answered.

   I took a soft inhale thankful Riley hadn't told her the truth.

   "But shit girl...Jamie doesn't drink. Why is she now?"

   Riley shrugged again.

   "You know why..." Tina said. "I ain't stupid. Somethings up with you two. One moment y'all friendly. The next...not."

   "We just have two different personalities." Riley was trying to come up with real excuses.

   She was right. Riley and I were different but I knew overall we were similar too. I just hadn't figured out how yet. She had sparked my interest in her the moment I saw her.

   "Bullshit," Tina muttered. "If anyone is different from her...it's me." Tina had a point. "You tried something with her?" Tina asked cautiously.

   "What?" Riley screeched lowly.

   Tina rolled her eyes. "Girl please," Tina laughed. "I am not foreign to anything. I've done enough. I see the way you look at her. And the way she looks at you."

   "We haven't done anything," Riley quickly said.

   We kissed. We kissed enough to consider that doing something. The memory made me almost touch my lips. I wondered if she would ever want to kiss me again. Who wanted to kiss someone like me now? I was being dramatic. I wasn't raped so I should get over it. I refocused back on their conversation; Riley's voice, drawing me in.

   "I care about Jamie," Riley said. "I would never hurt her."

   "I'm not doubting that," Tina mumbled. I saw her turn to me and I closed my eyes. "I want her to be happy. Both of you. Her religion; parents. It will be challenging-"

   "Trust me. I get all that. More than you know." Riley sighed. She worried I would choose my parents and religion over her. I couldn't blame her. It probably didn't matter now. "I don't go around announcing anything about my sexuality. And I didn't want to make y'all uncomfortable."