Secrets |Sidemen FF|

51

Josh's POV,

I entered Simons house. Feeling my heart beat increase as I remembered the layout of the house perfectly.

"Come this way." "I'll wait here." "I have something to show you upstairs anyways." Simon spoke and I sighed, before heading upstairs with him.

I enter his room, seeing his lamps and stuff already turned on. It was late when the police decided to come. So I guess they where already just on when he left.

He had his desk to the right of the room, right next to the window, the bed pressed up against the wall where the door was, the desk almost right in front of me. The wardrobe the furthest thing away from the door.

"Do you want a drink?" He asks and I shake my head. "No thanks." "Okay, hang on." He spoke, heading down stairs.

I see a book on his desk. It open to a page. It looked like he had wrote in it.

I shouldn't look, but at this point the curiosity was so strong that I didn't care if he caught me, didn't give a fuck.

Fuck, he found out it was me, fucking idiot Rebecca, of course it wouldn't work out, why did you even think that would work, I guess he almost did do it, but josh stopped him anyways, Josh.. I need to have him with me, like he was before, I ruined it, I ruin everything. I'm trying to play it off like I'm okay, but fuck Rebecca I feel like I'm drowning. I'm so sorry Tobi. I didn't meant to send you them, that wasn't me... josh... I miss you.

Fuck.

Fuck.

He sent them type of texts to Tobi.

And Tobi knew it was him.

"Josh." Simon said small, I looked over at him, feeling my veins start to boil. "What?" I ask. "I thought you knew." "No, I didn't." I spoke, looking down.

I chuckled, chuckled my anger out. "What did you... think would happen if he did take his own life?" I ask and Simon looked down, shrugging. "Did you think I'd just, go, straight to you?" I ask, but he didn't answer me.

"Simon-" "I don't know what I was thinking okay!" "You fucking idiot." I spoke, he just shook his head, before looking up at me. "Do you want me to overdose?" I ask, "no?! Of course not." "Well if I found Tobi dead that's what I would of done, I wouldn't of crawled back to you like you wished. I would join him, make sure he's okay, and be with him." I spoke.

I stared at his shocked face. The face that I've now grown to slowly but surely despise.

"I'm fucking going. Before I do something bad." "Josh." "Don't test me." I spoke in a low, voice. He shook his head. "How could you." "I thought Tobi had already told you. I didn't know that no one told you." "What even is that." "It's my diary, it's the only time I can focus on me without having people torment me." He spoke, I shake my head.

"I'm done, you come near me anytime soon I'll fucking." I breathed in, trying to restrain myself.

"I need a smoke."

_

I reached my house, stubbing the joint out that I managed to make whilst in the car. My hands still shaking from this underlying anger. I opened my door. "Hello, I'm back." I call out, but I didn't hear a response, I looked down at the place where I keep the shoes and see that Tobi's weren't here.

"Brilliant, alone tonight." I whisper to myself, kicking off my shoes.

I sat down on my sofa, feeling my hands start to shake more violently.

I felt numb. I didn't feel anything, just a small, numb, pain.

And yet I didn't know really what caused it.