Secrets |Sidemen FF|

31

Joshs POV,

"She?" I ask and he shook his head, but jumped from nothing, looking next to him, "she heard you and Harry talking about how much of a failure I was and how much you wanted me dead. So if that's true why don't you just do it? Huh?You almost killed Kacey you can do it again." He spat at me, sudden anger in his voice. "You shouldn't believe everything you hear." "I trust her more than anyone." "Even more than Po?" I ask and he shuts up and looks down.

"It's different." "How?" "Cause Bex knows more about me than anyone else." "That's because she is in your head, she is your literally thoughts and feeling in a human form that is imaginary. And if she is already telling you to hurt yourself than one day she will feed you so many lies about someone that she will persuade you to kill someone." I outburst, Simon looked taken aback.

"And what a best friend I am to you, when you believe I would hurt you in such a way, I shouldn't of opened up to any of you. I try help and things just fuck up. I'm done with everyone." I spat, before shaking my head, that low truly hitting me now, I've been trying to stay sober, Get off the drugs by focusing on other people. But they all hate me anyway, and I shouldn't of trusted them, last time I trusted someone was Jack and he fucked up my entire life.

I just need it, one more fucking hit, a rush of adrenaline and excitement from doing something that I really shouldn't. I reached down to grab my wallet when I heard him say something. "Josh, don't do anything stupid, you've been sober for two days now." "You don't give a fuck anyway." I shouted. My old persona coming out again.

I knew he had schizophrenia, the constant muttering to himself, especially in lesson when he thinks no one can hear him, I sit next to him so I obviously notice it more, and how he randomly outbursts with unexpected things that he wouldn't say and maybe that girl inside his head would say, 'Bex'. Maybe she is just his thoughts speaking out to him.

I stopped walking and turned around. Seeing him still their. Still looking at me. "Go to a therapist, they give you treatment, and will know you definitely have it if it runs in the family. It helped my friend out a lot." I told him, he looked at me and smiled, thanking me almost, I just sighed and turned away. Not wanting to talk to anyone. I have some shit at home. I walked back inside and down the hall. I see the guys there, all of them walking out, Po looked like she calmed down.

Her eyes lit up when she saw me, but mine sure didn't. "Josh? Is Simon oka-" "I'm not apart of this group anymore." I said bluntly, continuing to walk past them. I didn't care. Didn't want to talk or speak to anyone. "Josh man, what's happened." Tobi asked but I shook my head. "If i has trust in you I would of wanted it back, but you all use me for shit. Go back to normal. Forget everything I told you, because I don't trust you anymore, and I wish I fucking died on my own, and you didn't save me." I spat at him. Before turning around and walking away. Walk away Josh.

I walked through the front doors of the school and down the steps, before walking out the gate, the day still that drab disgusting grey that painted over everything.

I need to get to my house.

As I walked down the street leaves flew off trees in the forceful winds. I walked past that, the streets. Being deserted as it's Wednesday and everyone has school and work.

Fuck.

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11:36pm
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I walked down that same street, seeing the take away was open, I didn't want to cook, didn't want to do anything, I didn't do anything when I went home, I built myself up for it but got too scared, to scared that I'll die again, not having that courage that I had merely two days ago.

I saw the streetlights flicker and wink at me as I walked down this very dimly lit street, the only light coming from the dull lights that where soon to pass away and be replaced. That's what happens in life, right? Everyone gets replaced by everyone else.