Secrets |Sidemen FF|

28

Viks pov

I walked to school, my headphones on full blast, trying to wrap my head around JJ and his mental illness. He is getting treatment for it, but is it working? Is he okay? So many questions that I guess I'll find out sooner or later.

I walked into school. My head down. I walked through the door and into the halls, I could hear the commotion over my music, making me flinch. Why does everyone have to be so loud? Can't everyone just be normal. Loud isn't funny.

I saw some one eating something, I haven't ate anything in a while, I've forgotten when I last ate. JJ has always made me things, but I feel like I have to eat all of it to please him, and it's a big portion of food, so I start to panic, and then I end up in the bathroom again, not throwing up because I didn't eat it, I just hide in the bathroom, away from Calories.

Away from everyone.

But my mouth watered when I saw it was a mars bar. I haven't ate chocolate in so many years. But the calories. The disgusting calories. But why does the most unhealthy food taste so good. Just the beautiful caramel and it being laced in gorgeous chocolate.

I shook my head, I'll gain two pounds if I ate one of them, and I'm already big as it is.

I stood outside my locker, but felt like I didn't have enough energy to open it, like something was holding me back. Did I cheat on JJ if he did that to me again? He caught me, why did I even see if he was okay? I can't believe myself, how stupid. If only I could fight back.

If only-"hey Vik." Somebody cut me off my train of thought. It was Po, "Hey Po." I said, but my voice sounded croaky and drained. "Are you okay?" She asked me. Concern in her voice. "Yeah, I'm fine." "You don't seem it Vik, where's JJ?" "He is at a doctors appointment." I tell her, she just nods. I looked down, my thoughts now completely lost. "Oh, well, what's up love?" She asks me, I sigh. "A lot of things." "Is it Kacey?" She asked sympathetically, placing her arm on my shoulder.

I shrugged. I didn't know what to answer that question with yes it is about him but it's also a thousand other things that I want to muster up in my gut and say to her it's how I physically feel in my body how my bones ache and how I constantly feel sick from stomach acid that hasn't touched food in a while how my body non stop shakes and spasms from the loss of fat and tissue how I wanted to scream to her and make her know I wasn't okay and that I never would be okay. But a shrug would do for now.

"Come on Vik, you can tell me, seriously. Even if you don't want me to tell anyone, not even JJ." She says and I sigh. "Not even JJ?" I whisper, looking up to her, the familiar feeling of tears and the drying of my throat started forming. "I promise." She says, before seeing my eyes start to build with water.

"Oh love come here." She says, hugging me tightly, I hugged her back. "I don't know anymore Po." "About what?" "About myself, about life." I whispered so no one would look over and think to much of us. "Let's go to the hallway okay?" "No!" "Why not?" She said, I didn't want to go their, not after Kacey. But I didn't want her to know that, didn't want her to know I was weak.

"Don't worry, we can go their."

We started walking, everything quiet. I guess both of us waiting till we got their so we could have a proper conversation.
We got there, as soon as we did and turned the corner.

Kacey was their.

And so was his friends.

They weren't that far away from us either, a couple metres maybe.