Secrets |Sidemen FF|

.Chapter 15.

JJs POV. //The next Day//

I walked into fourth lesson and saw that Harry  and Vikk where in this lesson, but Harry  and Vikk where in completely different seats. Harry beckoned me over and I went over and sat down next to him.

"Yo why you away from Vikk?" I ask and Harry shakes his head. His hands shaking. "Harry?" I ask him but he just kept tapping the table, focusing on anything but myself.

"Harry, speak." I say and he shakes his head. He did a no sign and then a talking sigh. "You can't speak?" I ask him and he nods, tears started falling down his cheeks as his shaking got worse. Is he having a panic attack?

"Urm miss, I think Harrys having a panic attack." I tell her and her eyes instantly widened as she rushed over to us. I look over at Vikk and see he was staring at me. He saw I was looking at him and I noticed he had tears in his eyes. Is he okay? I looked back over at Harry as he stood up quickly before running out of the lesson. The other kids where all laughing.

"Guys be quiet JJ go after him." The teacher says and I nod before grabbing my bag and heading out. I see he was running away and I started running over to him. As I got closer I could hear him whispering. "Yo Harry calm down." I say and he turns around and sees me, he instantly screamed, making me jump.

"Harry bro it's me JJ." I say and he shakes his head and falls over. "You can't know you can't know you can't know." He repeated over and over again and my eyes widened. I went over and tried stopping him from crawling away from me.

"Noooo!" He screams but I grabbed his legs so he couldn't move. "Harry calm down." "Get away from me!" He screams as he kicked his legs. Trying to get me to let go.
"I'll let go if you promise to not leave." I tell him and he nods. I let go and he instantly curled himself into a ball. I quickly went over to him and hugged him. He just sobbed in my arms as his whole body shook.

"Pills." He whispers and I furrow my eyebrows before he grabbed his bag. I nodded before grabbing his bag and searching through it, trying to find pills or anything to do with medicine. I found some at the bottom of his bag and my eyes widened.

'Extreme Anxiety Pills' I quickly took one out the packet and handed it to him. He instantly took it as he got his phone out, the phone shaking violently whilst he clicked on his clock and stared at the time.

"Just calm down." I whisper as he nods. I rocked him slowly back and forth as I whispered things into his ears. Anything to make him calm again. His shaking slowly stopped, and his tears became less fluent. "Shhh I'm here, I'm here." I whisper and he nods.

"Hey, what's your favourite music?" I ask him, trying to distract him from anything but himself. "I-I like house, and d-drum and bass. A-and grime." He whispers slowly. "I like rap and grime, whose your favourite grime artists?" I ask and he shrugs. "I-I have L-Loads." He stutters, his mind puzzled.

"Thank you JJ." He whispered. Before slowly stopping the timer. "Why do you have a timer?" I ask him but he just says nothing as he leave he back out of the clock app and goes into his notes before typing in the time it took for him to stop, him adding two minutes as I guess that's how long he had it before the timer.

'Duration of panic attacks recordings' I read and there where over 30 different times that had been recorded down.

"I have to record the times and give it in to the hospital at the end of the month." "Month? You've had that many panic attacks in this month." I ask him and he nods, I sometimes get them three times a day or even four." He says and I shake my head. "That must be annoying." I say and he nods.

"Scary more than anything... Really really scary." He says and I nod. "My secrets out, no one knows about this, only my doctors." He says before throwing the tablet packet on the floor. "You, you're secret is safe with me, calm yeah?" I say and he sighs. "Not even Marie knows." He whispers and my eyes widen.

"You gotta tell her bro, she deserves to know." I say and he shakes his head. "I can't. And I won't." "That's your choice. But do you honestly want her finding out the way I've found out?" I ask him and he immediately shakes his head. "I couldn't live with myself. Sometimes they get so bad my body controls itself and I cant stop doing shit it does." He says and he rolls up his sleeve, showing over 15 cuts. "Somehow it's stops me from panicking. It makes me feel calm." He whispers to me and I shake my head before hugging him tightly.

"You can't keep doing this bro. Have you told your doctors about it?" I ask him and he nods. "They gave me anti depressants, they said to me if they don't work then he'd have to assign me into a mental hospital." He whispers and I sigh shakily. Knowing how scary that is.

"Marie helps, she is the only reason I put up with this shit and not just end it all." He says to me and I nod. "I love her. So much." He whispers and I smile at him. "True love is amazing." I whisper and he nods. "Have you ever been in love?" He asks me and I shake my head.

I furrowed my eyebrows. Have I never? Everytime I ask myself this question my mind always turns over to Vikk. How amazing he is, how truly beautiful he is. And how badly I know he's hurting inside. From what Kacey does it makes me sick, and makes me want to protect Vikk and hold him forever and not let go.

What does that say, does that say love, does that express my feelings towards him? Does that mean that I'm in love with Vikk? I really don't know. "I don't know Harry." I whisper and he furrows his eyebrows. "What does love even mean? I've never knows what love feels like." I tell him and he looks down.

"It's when you feel sick without them, that you always want to give them affection and show love towards them, knowing you can give the, everything and never expect anything back. That you would die for them and never stop thinking about them." He says and my eyes widen.

"Oh shit..."

"What?" Harry asks and I shake my head, not believing it. "JJ." He asks and I just laugh nervously. "I guess Im in love..." I whisper, furrowing my eyebrows, Harry instantly gasped. "Who? With who?" He asks and I shook my head. I love him.. I love him so much.

"With Vikk."
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A little bit more on Harrys side as I realise I've kinda neglected Harry a bit, also, two updates in a row, what's happening here?! Whell I'm really bored and have a lot of inspiration rn so I might even update it again tonight, so yeah, look forward to that. If you enjoyed this chapter, please comment, otherwise I'll talk to you all later. X

Love you allXxX
Sammie=3