Secrets |Sidemen FF|

59

Josh's PoV.

I stared at the bag that was on my desk chair, Tobi cuddling into me. Him shirtless, asleep on myself. Ethan gave me the bag in the end. I promised him I wouldn't touch it. I stick to my promises.

But god it's just ther- Tobi squeezes me gently, adjusting himself in his sleep, I smiled, placing my hand on his shoulder, rubbing my thumb over it gently. I love you Tobi. "I love you Josh." He says and I look down, seeing him looking up at me. "I love you too beautiful." I smile. Kissing the top of his head. My eyes looking back at the stupid bag in front of me.

And how the continents inside was screaming at me.

Fuck.

I look down down at Tobi once again. His eyes were now open, us two just cuddling. I look down at his arms. How cut up they were. The scars just so prominent, and the way they crawl all the way up to his shoulders.

"We gotta go see Vik in an hour." He says and I sigh. "I don't know if I wanna see him." "Why not?" Tobi asks, sitting up so he is now facing me. "He won't remember me anyways." "Well don't you think it's nice to be there to see him anyways?" Tobi asks and I sigh. "It'll be like strangers all crowded in a room." I say, looking over at the bag briefly. "I'm not going." "Josh-" "it reminds me of my parents." I say, looking down at my hands.

Tobi places his hand delicately on mine. "Josh.. you was strong enough to see them, I'm sure you're strong enough to see one of your friends as well." "I'm not." "I'll be by your side." Tobi says. I felt my heartbeat increase.

Images of my mum, my dad and Sam flashing in my mind. "Come on love." He says, I shake my head. "I can't." "Why not love." "Because Sam died today and I'm not ready to see Vik." I suddenly burst out, his eyes widening. "The guy who jumped yo-" "yeah, drug overdose, anywhere between 4-7 grams." I say before placing my hands to my eyes, feeling my heart tinge and myself wanting to cry once again. "Josh." "That's why Ethan had my bag." I say, Tobi looking back at the bag than at me again.

"Josh." "He was stone cold dead Tobi." I say, Tobi looked into my eyes, before hugging me gently and swaying me side to side. "Why didn't you tell me." "I didn't want you to get worried about me. And everything happening at the moment with Vik. I just, everything's too much Tobi." I breakdown. Tobi squeezing me tighter as I sobbed in his shoulder. "It's my job to worry about you, like a boyfriend does." He says, the first time calling me his boyfriend, I smiled, hugging him tightly.

"I love you"
"I love you too"

-

We were all in the waiting room of the hospital,  every single one of us. It kinda looked like something bad had happened, and we were all here to hope that he's okay and everything is better.

Simon, Sam, Po, Marie, everyone is here.

I was holding Tobi's hand tightly. Him holding it back just as tightly, his hand also interlinked with JJs loosely. JJ holding his hand, and he had a bunch of flowers with him, but he looked really sad. And nervous.

Everyone looked really sad, and scared.

"Vikram." We all hear, and we all got up. The woman that called out his name smiling at us all sadly, she escorted us to his room, him being in a room on his own. I felt my heart wrench as I saw JJ open Viks door.

JJ went in, putting on a smile instantly as he walked into the room. We all put on a smile. As everyone entered the room.

Beeps were heard everywhere, all different types. Screaming at us.

He had a small plate in front of him, a little chunk of fish on the plate, with a few chips and Peas on there. "Hello Vik, I got you these." JJ says, Viks face lighting up with so much joy as he smiled at the flowers than JJ. "Oh wow, they're beautiful." He says, JJ kneeling down so Vik could smell the flowers, the smile only growing bigger in Viks face which made everyone smile. "I'm sorry we are walking in on you eating your dinner." JJ smiles, and Vik nodded. "Oh no don't worry about it, it's hard anyways, I haven't ate solid food in a while, but I'm trying." Vik says.