Irrevocably (COMPLETED)

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

I know old readers are still confused, why Persephone did what she did. So with this edited version, I wanted to dig deeper on their reason, every character I made sure that they at least have depth in them even if they would just appear in a few chapters. Enjoy reading this chapter! -SMDA

Persephone

I can't believe how oddly calm I am, it just strengthens my decision. I believe this was the right thing to do. This was the only answer I had. I've been cooped up in this hospital for a few months, who were they trying to kid? I know my chances for a normal life were slim.

My door suddenly opened and Dr. Walsh appeared and walked to my bed.

"Mrs. Larson I believe you called for me.: He said looking at my monitor taking note of things.

I took a deep breath and had to do it.

"I want to end it," I say, his head snaps at me with a questioning look

"Pardon?" He asked dropping the paper he has to clearly look at me.

"In our country, it is said that Euthanasia is possible right?" I asked him playing with my fingers slightly.

"It is Mrs. Larson" He says as he nods at me

"Well... I decided I want to do that.." I said lowly looking at my hands and then to him

"Care to tell me why? This is a big decision Mrs. Larson, think about the possibilites you have" He says trying to break my wall

"I've thought it through and saw no point. There was no way my heart can make it out of this normal."I told him "My heart is the least of my problems. It's my whole system, I don't think I can go back to what I once was after everything that happened. I can't put them through that pain..slow burning pain. I'm meant for another breakdown, even I know it. And I don't know if I'll be able to be lucky the next time it happens. I'd rather pass peacefully." I said with conviction

"I understand that seeing your loved ones doing everything for you makes you feel weak. But those people are fighting for you, hoping you could fight for yourself too" He says with sinerity

I can't even imagine what would happen to me if I was a doctor. The thought of a patient dying almost everyday, working your ass off to cure them and being there for them- that's draining. I really do admire their line of work.

"I love them with all that I have, and that's saying much because I practically have nothing- I am nothing. I don't want to be a burden to them.. I know they look after me like im not capable of things.But I can't let them keep on fighting a losing battle." I told him sitting alot straighter, I was determined to plead my case. "If by some miracle I could give Zach a child, it's either I die because of my heart's complication or the child dies along with me. What good of a wife am I if I can't even give him something as simple as a family? I love him but im not holding him back. And I know he'll fight for me and with me, but I can't keep watching him fight something he'll never win. He'd be wasting his time on me instead of finding someone who can give him everything." I said on the brink of tears.

I loved him too much that I was willing to do this for him. I know he may be hurt but I know it will pass, he'll recover and he'll love again. Just thinking about hurting him almost sends me to an emotional breakdown. But no, I have to look sure infront of Dr. Walsh. Because I have to go through this, I need to go through this.

The thought of not getting to grow old with him pains me. I wanted that future more than anything else, I kept dreaming of it. But sometimes I just wanted to block them out, because dreams and possibilities would just break me. I've come to accept that everything I've hoped for before won't be happening any time soon.