Bittersweet

17

A few weeks had passed since BTS's comeback. Watching their performances had blown you away. The album was a combination of heartfelt, melancholic songs and really pumped up songs. Taehyung was still avoiding you. Your debut was in a week and you were working as hard as you could to improve before the performance. Ji Woo, Jimin, Hoseok and Jungkook never failed to leave your side. At every part of the day, at least two of them were by your side.

You spent many sleepless nights, choosing to practice or dance instead of lying awake in bed. You found it incredibly hard to fall asleep, the guilt still eating away at you. Though things had calmed down; the hate comments died down and the fans found it in their hearts to support Soo Jin and Taehyung, you still felt horrible for what you had done, and you desperately wished you could take it back.

Despite all the drama that had taken place before, BTS's comeback had gone incredibly smoothly. Things were finally becoming more and more positive, which frightened you. Ever since you became a trainee, something or the other kept happening, keeping you away from the life you had dreamt of. Now that things were finally seeming better, you found yourself feeling wary and on guard, afraid of the next ordeal that would ruin your peace.

You snapped out of your daze to see Hoseok enter the practice room. You brightened immediately, getting to your feet. You and Hoseok had fallen into a routine of dancing together every day and learning new choreographies together. It helped raise your spirits without fail; dancing was the one thing you loved with all your heart, and dancing with Hoseok made it so much more enjoyable. He was always so cheerful and gentle that you found it impossible to be unhappy around him.

The speakers crackled to life and Hoseok flashed you a grin.

"What do you want to do today?"

You jogged over to him, and scrolled through his songs, looking for something that you'd been itching to try. When you pointed it out, Hoseok's eyebrows shot up.

"You're sure you want to learn this today?"

You nodded eagerly.

"Ya, Y/N-ah, you know this is a really hard choreography, right?"

You had picked 'Everybody' by Shinee, which was such a hard choreography that one of the members, Onew, had injured himself while performing it. You were still eager to learn it, despite the risks it posed.

You laughed.

"I know, I know. I still want to learn it though. You can back out if you want, but I'm learning it whether you do or not."

Hoseok rolled his eyes but obliged, pulling up the dance practice video on YouTube.

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You clutched the hair pin that Hoseok had given you for good luck, your heart beating fast. In a few hours, you'd be on stage, performing your debut songs. Your team of stylists was currently attending to Soo Jin, who'd be on stage first. You were already in the clothes you'd be wearing for the performance, the cold air of the A/C hitting your bare arms.

In your mind, you went over the whole routine over and over again, afraid to mess up. As your debut approached, your stage fear took hold of you. Suddenly, being an idol didn't seem so appealing anymore. You'd always had stage fear, to the point where you'd freeze on stage, and your mind would go completely blank. You and Ji Woo had taken extra time to practice on stage yesterday, so that you could get used to being on stage, and hopefully avoid messing up.

You got up as the stylists waved you over. Immediately, they swarmed over you, applying make up not just to your face, but your body as well. As some pulled at your hair in effort to style it, others smeared things all over your face and arms. You found the sudden wave of attention to be overwhelming. Within a half an hour, they finished dolling you up. You handed your hair pin to one of the stylists who expertly slid it into your hair.

You looked into the mirror, hardly recognizing yourself. They had evened out your complexion, and your ebony hair fell delicately past your shoulders in soft waves. Your eyes looked brighter, framed with black liner. They had expertly added glitter next to your eyes, bringing in emphasis to them. A layered choker glittered at your throat, and your hair pin glimmered at your temple.

You rose, thanking them, and sat still in a corner, afraid to mess up their hard work. Time seemed to fly as the other members got ready. Before you knew it, Soo Jin was already on stage, fans cheering as she performed the intro. Your heart beat faster and faster as Soo Jin's song ended and you and your other members were called to get up on stage.

You were positively trembling as you stood on stage, the lights dimmed. The audience was eerily quiet, waiting with bated breath for your performance to start. As the song started, the spotlights flared, momentarily blinding you. You'd practiced enough that your body moved automatically to the choreography, but your mind went completely blank. When your part of the song came, you completely forgot the lyrics, the rest of your group members staring at you, their expressions urgent. But try as you might, you couldn't remember. Ironic, considering you yourself had written the lyrics, and spent hours poured over it, setting tunes and dividing lines based on who you thought would shine the best.

The audience stopped their cheers, confused as to why you weren't singing. Your part ended and Seo Yoon picked up her part smoothly. You could feel yourself tremble in fear and shame. You stopped dancing, standing still and just staring out at the audience. Tears threatened to spill from your eyes.

Embarrassed, you ran from the stage.

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You winced as you hit the wall, hard. Soo Jin was livid.

"How. Just how do you forget the lyrics to a song you yourself wrote and practiced day and night? Just how stupid are you? Did you hit your head before the performance or something?"

Tears welled in your eyes and your lips trembled. You already felt horrible. You didn't need Soo Jin's harsh words. Ji Woo moved to stand in front of you, glaring at Soo Jin.

"Lay off of her, unnie. Y/N-unnie hasn't been training nearly as long as the rest of us have been. She's newer to this and she has horrible stage fright. She didn't do it on purpose, so stop being so hard on her."

Soo Jin snarled, her lip curling.

"Then she should never have joined our group. She should've never become an idol."

Soo Jin turned to you, her eyes full of hate.

"You should just quit. Get out. Leave. Stop dragging us down."

As she stormed away, you sank to the ground, your body racked with sobs.

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When you arrived at your room, your eyes puffy and red, you were surprised to see Taehyung there. He refused to meet your eyes, but his expression was concerned.

"What happened on stage?"

You blinked at him, confused. He had avoided you for weeks, and that he should show concern for you now was a little startling. You shrugged.

"I froze. I have stage fright. And it got really bad, and I just... forgot all the lyrics."

He shifted his gaze to look at you in the eyes, his expression melancholic.

"Y/N-ah, I'm sorry for avoiding you. I was mad back then, but I'm not anymore. I really really missed you. And after trying really hard, I can finally understand why you were so angry at Soo Jin. And..."

He paused and sighed.

"I can understand why you did what you did. It wasn't the best thing to do, but..."

He shrugged. You stood there, your mouth hanging open. You had no idea what to say. He offered you a small smile.

"Will you make me hot chocolate again?"

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Well, well.

Look who's talking to you again ;)

So who will it be, I wonder? Hoseok or Tae?