Bittersweet

44

Namjoon ushered you into his studio, shooing away the other members. When they had refused to leave, he gave them a very scary, very angry look, and they had all scampered away. You stood awkwardly in a corner of the room, not really knowing where to sit; there was just too much mess to really settle down anywhere.

Namjoon made himself quite comfortable at his desk, turning around in his swivel chair, paper in hand.

"This is a song I wrote many many years ago. I discovered it again recently, and I wanted to make it into a song. Will you read over it and give me your opinion on it?"

Your eyes widened.

"You want my opinion?"

Namjoon nodded, extending the paper out towards you. You took it from him, reading the lyrics.

One morning, I opened my eyes
And wished I was dead
I want someone to kill me
In this loud silence
I live to understand the world
But the world has never understood me, why
No, that half is missing
It's trying to hurt me

I miss me miss me baby
I miss me miss me baby
I wish me I wish me baby
Wish I could choose me 

Why is it that I'm being so earnest
Yet it's not working out
Always
Always
Always
Always
Always (I lost my all ways)
Always (I lost my all ways)
Always (I lost my all ways)
Always (I lost my all ways)
Always

If I ever meet God, I would tell him this
That life is coffee that I never ordered
I would grab him by the collar and tell him
Death is an americano you can't refill
Are you sure that you're alive
Then, let's prove it somehow
When I exhale, I see my breath
On the window, there's condensation 

You are dead(You are dead)
You are dad, but you are dead
Dead dad (dead dad) you don't listen to me
Dad please listen to me 

Why is it that I'm being so earnest
Yet it's not working out
Always
Always
Always
Always
Always (I lost my all ways)
Always (I lost my all ways)
Always (I lost my all ways)
Always (I lost my all ways)Always

You looked up from the sheet, utterly touched, to the very core.

"It's beautiful. And you should definitely go through with it. People need to know that being an idol isn't as glamorous or easy as it seems. It's really hard, physically and emotionally."

Namjoon smiled at you gratefully.

"I showed this to some other friends and they thought the same. I haven't shown it to the rest of Bangtan yet, but I will when it's done."

You smiled.

"Let me know if you need anything else, oppa. It's a great song and I'm sure it'll sound great when it's done."

Namjoon shyly scratched the back of his head.

"Actually, I was planning on singing it, so I was wondering if you could give me feedback on the tune."

You nodded enthusiastically.

"Of course, hit me with it."

And then Namjoon began singing.

Whoever said rappers couldn't sing? When he finished up, you vigorously nodded your approval.

"I don't even know why you needed my opinion, that was amazing."

Namjoon's lips split in the biggest grin you'd ever seen from him.

"Really?"

You nodded.

-----------------------------

You sat with Hoseok in their expansive backyard, your feet dipping just barely into the almost freezing water of their swimming pool. Hoseok relaxed, leaning back onto his palms.

"So what did Joonie need?"

You shook your head, signalling zipped lips.

"I can't say, but he'll be showing you guys soon."

The two of you went silent, enjoying the feeling of the winter sun on your faces. Hoseok scooted closer to you before speaking up.

"Y/N-ah, it's been a long time since we spoke about your feelings."

You nodded. Hoseok peered at you from the corner of his eyes.

"Have you made up your mind?"

You nodded, turning your head sideways to face him.

"I like you, oppa. I like you and it's not just a rebound."

Hoseok's face split into a bright grin, and he pulled you close in a warm embrace. You could hear the boys hooting from inside the house, and you pulled away from Hoseok to pull a face at them.

-----------------------------

Your house had a studio that you used quite often, mostly because you couldn't live without dancing. Today, however, you had a camera set up accompanying you that has costed you a fortune. You just hoped it was worth it.

Jungkook had been helpful in pointing you to the best equipment for the price you were willing to spend. The boy had a surprising amount of knowledge about cameras. Turns out, he was also beginning to dabble in making videos, and had done all the research necessary.

You hit record and then jogged over to the sound system to hit play, walking over to the center of the room. You had made sure to add a little blank track before queuing up the song you wanted to dance for so that you had time to make it to your position before the music started.

The music started, and you immediately moved into the choreography that you had spent a few days putting together, excited at the thought of later posting the video for everyone to see. You had really challenged yourself with the choreo, picking hard steps over easier ones.

You went through the choreo without a hitch and ended with a pose, staying there for a few seconds before jogging over to the camera to end the recording. You watched it, pleased with how it turned out.

That night, you spent hours poring over the video with your newly purchased editing software. You didn't have much to edit; text indicating the song's name in the beginning, muting the video and putting in the original song track so that the sound is better, increasing the brightness and adding a filter to make the video look better was the basic editing you did. However, since it was your first time, you took a while to figure out how to do each step. When you were finally done, you uploaded it to your YouTube channel.

You then quickly put up a post promoting it on your social media.

By the time you woke up the next morning, your phone was flooded with comments. First and foremost, you saw encouraging comments from your ex-groupmates, cheering you on and congratulating you on a good video. A lot of your fans from when you were an idol were also showing their support with promises to share your video.

What surprised you was the overwhelming positive response on your video and social media, considering how negative people were about your idol career. Even accounts that had initially shown hate and negativity turned around and grudgingly complimented your choreography.

You were beyond elated. BTS couldn't use their personal social media accounts to show your their support, so instead cheered you on by flooded you with texts.

You were happy. Finally, things were going the way you were hoping for them to go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know what to say to y'all if you've never heard Always. It's one of RM's best songs, hands down and a lot of people don't know it exists which is just really sad :(

On another note, here's a happy chapter for y'all :)