Little White Lies (Harry & Liam Fanfic) **EDITING**

Chapter 39- Step by Step

(Unedited Sorry)
Zayn P.O.V
It been a couple of days already since both incidents. Carol's miscarriage and the kiss.
I'm really feel sorry for what happen to Carol, she didn't deserve that neither Liam. I know Liam, I know how he gets attached to things fast. I know he was really happy knowing he would be a father even though the child wasn't his. I never saw him breakdown as he did when the doctors said the sad news. At first he was trying to be strong in front of us but when he went to the bathroom after the news, he broke down and I was there to witness. That broke my heart in a million of pieces.
But when I think about the kiss, I don't know what I feel. Regret or anger or confusion or just nothing. It felt different when I kissed her, and she kissed me. I never thought she would kiss me back. I have to admit I liked the kiss but then I remember the way Perrie and me kiss. It feels special and lovely, while Mary kiss feels different. I really should regret it cos Perrie and Harry don't deserve this. But then again I kind of don't. I know the kiss should never happen cos its a mistake and I should look the other way.
We also got the contract. Who knew?! This is why at first they hated each asses and then all of sudden they started dating.
"Mate!" Mark shakes me as he brings me back to reality "Its your time to record." I look at him confused but then I just nod as I stand and walk to the studio booth.
Niall, Louis and me are in the studio doing some recordings. Harry is coming later on to do his part since he coming straight from the airport.
I wonder if Mary told him about what happen between us. Is he mad? Of course he would be mad when he gets here!
Niall haven't talk to me like he used to, he's being really distant with me and of course I know why. He's probably thinking the worst of Mary and me. I have to talk to him before Harry gets here. I need to tell him what really happen. I don't want our friendship going to waste only for a silly not bad mistake.
I finish my recordings and as I walk outside, its Louis' turn to record his part of the song.
I walk toward Niall who was sitting on the couch using his phone and drinking his energy drink.
"Hey mate" I said as I sit next to him.
"Hmm" he look at me for a second and then back to his phone.
I play with my fingers "Can I speak to you?" I mumble.
He looks at me as to continue with what I need to say.
"Hey guys!" Harry bangs in.
"Sssh!"
"Sorry, hey guys!" Harry whispers back with a smile on his face. He's too cheerful that means that Mary didn't tell him yet.
"Damn it!" I whisper. "Niall can we speak later privately?" I mumble back.
He just shrug his shoulders as he continue using his phone.
"Niall your turn to record" Mark said as Louis walked out. Niall just nod as he stood up and walk towards the booth.
Harry join me on the couch as the same time as Louis did. My heart is beating out of my chest and I don't know why, he doesn't know yet.
"Harold how's Payne?" Louis ask, trying to start a conversation.
"Um he's better than the days before, he said he probably coming before tour rehearsal starts. He said he probably coming in two days." Harry said as he look at Niall recording.
"That's good" Louis smiles. "How's Carol?"
"She's good, she's taking one step at a time. She's going to therapy and its helping her." Harry pass a hand through his hair and continues looking at Niall.
"How's Mary?" I ask, but came out more like a whisper. This time he looks at us well at me and turn to look at Niall again, I burp.
"Um she's good, just stress over everything, Carol being in that status, job and school." He said as he pinch his lips.
"Okay" I mumble and he nods.
"So are you guys ready for the tour rehearsals!?" Louis breaks the kind of awkward silences.
Harry and I just shrug our shoulders at the same time. "I guess I am" he mumbles as he smiles.
After a few hours later we were out to the studio. We were all tired, but I still need to talk to Niall so I decided to take the same car as him.
"Niall we need to talk of what happened." I play with my fingers as I said that.
"Tell me your side of the story now." he coldly said.
I take deep breath and start "what happened between Mary and me was a drunkly mistake. I kissed her cos I was missing Perrie a lot and I was jealous of how all of you guys had your girl friends with you." I look up to meet his eyes staring at me with a little shock on them. "Please don't tell Harry, let Mary or me tell him." I pleased.
"I'll think about it mate cos I don't want to see Harry hurt."
Liam P.O.V
Today is the day. Is our anniversary and also hopefully the day I can free Carol once an for all. I sound like I'm going to cast a spell on her or something.
Lately she been doing great. She talking much more and is more social, you can say. Even Mary is impress with the progress she have made over the past days. I caught her once looking at the crib but she wasn't crying or anything. I couldn't tell what was it but it was a sight that warm my heart.
I was laying in bed while Carol was still peacefully sleeping. I turn my head and admire her. She look so peaceful and without a single problem in her life. Her skin look soft almost radiant. I smiled a bit before slowly getting up an walking to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I did everything so quietly so I wouldn't wake her up. I walk out the room but let the door slightly open. I went to the kitchen to prepare us breakfast. Mary was at school so we had the house to ourself until noon. Aperantly Mary got detention because she got into a crazy fight with a girl that was trash talking Carol. Im surprise she didn't get suspended cos Mary did broke her nose. I started to cook Carol favorite breakfast. Nutella pancakes, eggs, bacon and strawberry with Passion fruit juice. I was almost done when I felt two hand wrap around my torso.
"Good Morning babe" I said with a smile. She looked up at me and smiled.
"Morning babe, Happy Anniversary" she said and peck my lips.
"Ahh so you remembered" I said mocking her.
"Of course I did" She said. "It should be our Anni every day so I can see you cooking like this in only boxers" she winked and I blushed a bit.
"It doesn't have too be" I said an return to the pancakes before I burned them. She turned around and went to the fridge to grab a glass of water to take her pills.
Breakfast was done and I served them on two plates and walked into the living room where she was watching a music channel. We ate in silence most of the time. Something She or I would hum to the song or have a short conversation that died quickly but I didn't push her to talk more, I want her to do it on her own. I ate quickly than her so I could be the first to shower so my plan will work perfectly.
"Babe, Im going to go and shower okay?" I said and she nods. I put my dirty plate on the sink and went to her room to shower.
After I was done I was dressed in all black excluding my white t-shirt. As soon as I put on my watch Carol walk in.
"Well don't you look good today" She said with a smile but the smile didn't reach her her eyes but it was a true one and not force.
"Dont I always? I said and I raised my eyebrow a bit in a playful way. She giggles and grabbed her towel to her go in the shower. Perfect. As soon as I heard the shower turn on I took out the white dress Mary picked out for today. I placed it neatly on the bed along with her shoes jewelry and a note. I grabbed my phone and car keys before I walk out as quietly as possible out the room and out the house.
"Please let this work out" I whisper to myself as I got into the car and drive to place I been more that a couple of times this past two weeks. As I stop on a red light my eyes travel to the tiny red box that was sitting on my passenger seat.
"Let it all work out" I said again before the light turn green again.
Carol P.O.V
I took longer than what I planned in the shower. I was thinking and thinking. My therapist told me is good to think but not to much because your thoughts can hunt you. Today's is me and Liam anniversary. I know he might want to do something today but I'm not sure if I'm ready. Sure I been talking much more and being more social with everyone but I'm still hurting. I lost my child not a month ago. Everything is still to fresh and the wound aren't near healing. I don't know if I'm ever going to heal now. First it was my sister and now my baby. A girl can only take so much pain before she can give up. I sigh and turned of the water stepping out and drying myself. I wrapped myself in my towel and looked at myself in the mirror. My tan skin look pale and worn out. My eyes are dull and I have bags under my eyes. I look horrible. I don't understand why Liam is still with me. Probably pity. A tear escape my eye but I wipe it off. No. I don't wanna cry no more. I don't want to hurt.
I walk out the room to find a white dress laying in my bed. Oh no. I knew it. There was also a note and other things other than the dress. I took the note and opened it.
Babe;
Since today is our anniversary I wanted to do something especial for you. Please wear what I laid out for you in the bed. When your done there will be a car waiting for you to drive you to your destination. Dont worry babe I promise your going to love it.
love Liam. xx
I sigh. What is this boy up too. I knew I couldn't decline this and not go he will be pissed off at me so I decided to go along with this. I change into the white dress that fit me perfectly. It was still cold so I put on some stockings. I applied very little amount of make up but enough to hide my imperfections. I put on the gold accessories and the black shoes on. My hair was up in a high bun. I grabbed my long coat, purse and phone keys and walked out the house. As I was in the elevator I recieved a text from Liam.
Liam <3: 'Are you ready babe?' I quickly typed back
'Yea babe, im on my way down, what are you planning' I texted and waited for his response which came quickly.
'Liam<3: It's a surprise' I read and sigh putting my phone away. I left the building and looked around for the car who wasn't so hard to spot. I walked towards it and the guy probably in his late 40s or early 50s smiled.
"Ms. Miller-" He started to say but I cut him off
"Carol, Call me Carol" I said with a small smile. He nods.
"Carol, are you ready for the journey? he asked and I shrugged.
"As ever as I will ever be" I said and got inside the car because it was type cold.
The drive was silent and I was looking outside the window. It was a somewhat grayish day. Sure the sun was out but it was an ugly day. I kept looking outside until I got an idea.
"Sir, you never told me your name?" I said. He looked at me thru the mirror.
"My name is Sebastian" he said and then looked back at the road.
"Well Sebastian, Can I ask you a very important question?" I said.
"Yes, but if is it to were we are going, Im sorry but I have strick instruction to not say" He said and I frown. Liam know's me too well, He knew I would do something like this. The rest of the driver was spent in silence. I was on my phone looking at pointless things not really paying attention to were I was going. Suddenly I heard the car lock and my head snap off. Why in thw hell will he lock the door?!
"Um excuse, why did you lock the door?" I ask with a shaky voice. He didnt answer my question.
"Hello?! Why did you lock the door sir?'' I ask again, He looked up and saw that I wasnt playing around and something snap in his head.
"Dont worry miss, I was order to do so by Liam" He said. So lose killed was cross of the quick list I made as I was trying so hard not to panic.
We drove for about 5 more minutes until I saw it.
He didnt.
No.
Sebastian parked the car outside and Liam was there infront. Some reason I got hot and my palm was sweaty. He didnt. Sebastian unlocked the car and got off. He jogged to my side and opened the door but I didnt make no sudden movement. I was still. I guess the guy was so confused on what to do because he did some weird movement and he dispear and a taller skinnier version appeard. My head snap up and I saw Liam worried face.
"W-why?'' I ask.
"You need closure and this is the only babe' He said.
"B-but Im not ready, I-I Cant" I said and burried my face in my hands. I felt his ahnd on my back trying to calm me donw.
"yes you can, your strong, you can do this'' He said and I shook my head. "I believe in you Carol, you are strong and I know you dont believe this but you can do this. You are ready for this" It took me a while but I finally looked up at him.
"Are you sure?" I asked
''Yes Carol, you been ready for this moment but didnt have that little extra push" he said. I was hesitant. I don't really think I am able to do this. Somehow I got off the car with Liam hand entwine. We walk all the way to the front of the cemetery but I stop.
"No, No I cant" I sob and took away my hand.
"You can, I will be here with you, I wont let you go. I promise" Liam said. I looked at him and in his eye I saw hope and fear. Hope that I will take this step And bring some closure but yet fear that I don't and everything will go downhill from here.
I took one big breath before I nod.
"You promise?" I said and he nod his head giving me an unsure smile. He grabbed my hand once again and we walk inside. For the first time ever I have stepped foot inside. I gulp down as we made our way to her tombstone. My breath hitch when I was face to face to it. My eyes widen and I felt myself get a little shaky. I let go of Liam's hand and dropped to my knee's. I shakily put a hand on her name. Leah Marie Miller, Beloved Daughter and Sister. 2002-2005. The tears that I didn't try to control just went down.
"I-I dont know what to say" I said not looking at Liam.
"Say what ever you been holding on too, talk to her like she was looking straight at you'' he said. I thought it was silly. Hold a conversation with a stone. A cold air hit my face, but it somehow relax me. Here goes nothing
"H-hi, I don't know where to begin honestly, I- Cant do this" I said and cried harder over her tombstone. I cried and cried and not once I felt Liam touch me or sooth me with his word. He probably letting me do this. I cant. I just want to run and not come back but I feel like if Im glued to the dirt, in front of her. I cried for a while before I lift my head up.
I can do this.
"Im sorry, Haven't visit you in all this years. You most think I'm a horrible sister. I always wanted to come and see you, but the guilt didn't let me. The guilt on knowing our dad took away your life and I couldn't do anything to save you.. How are you" I stop as if she was going to answer me but I have to admit it feels good talking. Letting it all out.
"God I miss you" I cried. "I miss your smile and your little soft giggles. The way mom used to style your hair in two little pig tails and you used to hate them, But you know what I miss the most? I miss when you would wake up in the middle of the night scared and would come to my room. Not mom, or dad or Patrick but me. We would cuddle until you would fall asleep....Gosh I miss you. The struggles I face from day to day since the day you were gone. The pain and the emptiness are struggles that won't seem to fade away. I would wake up in the morning
and you know what I would see ? A lost little girl mourning to be,struggling with your loss and dad's pain and anxiety. But most of all I
struggle from not having you.Time will heal I would hear mom say but that never happens. I still feel that emptiness in my heart. That little girl that brought joy to everyone. Know I have twice the emptiness in my heart. Both my little girls are gone. I learn that I wont be the same anymore but you know what. I think I will be okay. I wont ever really get over the fact that I lost you or my baby but I know both of you are now safe, Playing around in little white dresses and smiling. I know you both look over me and everyone I care about. I know you are in a better place now." I smile. For the first time it was a true smile. Does smile that almost reach your eyes. "I love you Leah and I promise you that I would visit. Every month I would be here and we will talk" I said and chuckle. "I will be doing most of the talking but thats okay, you would listen to me. I love you and I will never stop." I finally said. The tears that were falling down, somehow stopped. The air felt warmer and lighter. I felt lighter. Like the weight in my shoulders were no longer there. I look up at the sky. It was a perfect shade of light blue not that grayish blue I was when I left my apartment.
I turn around and saw Liam with tears in his eye and a smile tattooed on his face.
"I did it, didn'tI?" I asked him and he nod proudly.
"I told you, you could do it" He said kneeling down next to me and her tomb. "Now is my turn to say some word, don't you think?" He said. I looked at him confused but let him speak.
"Hey Leah, I never met you but they way Carol described you, you were one special little girl. It sad that you had to leave us so soon. Now, Now your a little angel that always look over her. Always there when she needs you, give her the strength she needs when she feel like she cant do it no more. So this is why I choose today. Ignoring the fact today is our anniversary, I wanted to do this in front of you, wanting for you attend a especial moment in my life and hopefully hers too" Liam said and I just looked at him in admiration. The happy tears just kept falling and I regret put on mascara. He looked at me and Smiled. He reach in side his pocket and pulled out a ted little box. Oh My God.
"I know we are both young, You about to finish High School in a couple of months and I will be going to my 3rd tour but that doesn't stopped me from knowing how much I love you Carol. Some love stories aren't epic novels. Some are short stories. But that doesn't make them any less filled with love. I love you, for all that you are, all that you have been, and all you're yet to be. You are the best thing that have ever happened to me in my life, aside of course getting me second lung back" He said and we both chuckle. I love you with all my heart and this is why.." He said opening a box with a beautiful diamond ring in it. "I Liam James Payne, want in front of Leah to ask for your hand. Ask for you to let me be part of your life for a long long time until the end. Will you Carol Patricia Miller accept to Marry me?" He said and I just sat there for a little while before a big smile I tackle him in a big hug while repeatedly saying yes.
We stayed there for a little while before it was too cold. We walk to his car in a peaceful quite. I looked down at my hand. Im engage. The thought of it just make me smiled wider. Life could get better. Life would get better as long as I got him in my life.
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And here is the next chapter.... What do you thnk / COMMENT and VOTEE PLSSSSSS