Be My First - A Jack Gilinsky Fanfiction

Chapter 62 - Moving Forward

    I came home later that night and took a shower, got in my pajamas, and hopped into bed. I still had the voicemail from Jack, and I didn't want to open it. I thought about a few things about a million times before I finally fell asleep.

    The next couple days went by slow. I did the same thing everyday. The only thing I did differently yesterday is go out to dinner with my parents. I didn't bother calling Jack about the tour and I definitely didn't get on Twitter. There'd probably be more drama than I could handle.

    Wednesday, August 20, 2014

    I woke up at about 11am and had until 11:30am until we had to leave for Ava's service. My mom and dad took the day off of work, so they were upstairs getting ready as well.

   I dragged myself to my closet and picked out my outfit. I wore a black cardigan with a dark floral shirt and a black skirt. I slipped on black sandals and wanted nothing more but for her to be here with me.

    I went into the bathroom and brushed out my hair. It didn't look that bad, so I just left it as it is. I pulled out my makeup bag and decided that the only thing I'd need is waterproof mascara. I put some on.

    After finishing brushing my teeth, I grabbed my phone and went upstairs. My mom and dad were eating breakfast. They both turned their attention to me when I walked in, making it 400x harder not to cry, but I didn't.

    "We made apple-cinnamon pancakes." My mom pointed to the pan.

   "Okay." I smiled and grabbed a plate to eat on. I set 2 pancakes down and poured some syrup.

   I sat next to them and began eating.

   I looked at my parents black clothing and realized that it was just for Ava. All of this was for Ava. She's really never coming back and I can't change anything.

     When we all finished, we left the house at 11:30 and began driving. I looked out the window and sighed at the sight of a cloudy day. Of course it was cloudy.

    Our arrival was at about 11:55, just in time. I gulped hard as I saw people I knew walking into the mortuary. People knew we were best friends, and I knew that they were going to pity me for that.

   We all got out of the car and began walking. I suddenly spotted my grandma and grandpa in the doorway. They both looked at me. I ran to them and gave them both a big hug. I've taught myself pretty well by now to not cry over everything.

    "Thank you for being here." I looked at them.

    "She was a part of the family." My grandpa said.

    My grandma wiped her eyes with a tissue, and then greeted my parents.

    I slowly walked inside, looking around at everyone. I turned the corner and that's when I saw....

    My best friend, lying down, in a casket. Her blonde hair was curled and she was wearing a silky white dress. I couldn't see her face very well from where I was standing. I covered my mouth and ran back to my parents with tears in my eyes.

   "I- I thought this was a closed casket..." I whispered.   

    "I thought it was too?" My mom said, walking over to where I just was.

   She looked with a blank expression for a moment.

   I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. I turned on the water so that people couldn't hear me cry. I began crying, but I gave myself a thought.

   Seeing her in that casket is like closure. Saying goodbye will finally put me in a good place, no matter how hard it's going to be. I turned the water off and wiped my eyes. I took one last look in the mirror and braced myself to walk back out. I tried to make it seem like nothing had happened. My mom and grandma were waiting for me outside.

     My grandma rubbed my shoulder and gave me a hug. She smelt like a really old perfume from the 1970's.

   I walked with them to Ava. I stopped in front of her casket. It was almost like I didn't recognize her, she had so much makeup on her face. Her nails were painted blue. I must've been staring at her for too long, because my mom had to shake my shoulder.

   "Paige, are you okay?" She said.

    "Y-Yeah." I took my attention away from Ava and moved on.

   Not one tear fell from my face. I didn't know whether to feel relieved or guilty or lifeless.