Be My First - A Jack Gilinsky Fanfiction

Chapter 48 - Thoughts

    We've been in the van for about 15 minutes now and I've barely said anything. Jack J keeps glancing at me.

    What am I going to tell Nash? What am I going to tell the boys? What am I going to tell the fans? What am I going to do with myself?

    My thoughts were interrupted by a call from my mom. I got nervous and started shaking again, but I answered.

    "Hey mom! What's up?" My voice cracked a little and pretending to be so happy made me absolutely sick. But I didn't want to tell Jack yet.

    "Honey? Are you okay?" She sniffled. I could hear Ava's mom in the background talking to someone. I started breathing heavy again.

    My lips quivered and I swallowed hard.

    "Paige?" She said.

    I hung up the phone. I tucked my lips inside of my mouth.

    "What was that?" Jack asked.

    "Lost connection I guess, it hung up. My mom just wanted to know what we were doing."

    Jack J looked over at me and pulled out his phone. My phone vibrated with a text from him.

    JJ: He's not going to be mad. You don't have to hide this, it's not good.

    I've been convincing myself that if I don't reveal that it's real, it isn't. But it is. And it always will be. She's not coming back.. ever.

    I clicked out of the text and looked at the background of my phone. It was a picture of me and a 6-year-old Ava at the zoo, standing by a metal gorilla statue and holding ice cream cones. We both had on silly faces. Chocolate was all over my mouth and it was dripping off of Ava's too. That's pretty much where our ice cream dates started. It reminded us of being kids again, running around the zoo together and laughing at the funny-looking animals.

    I'll never go on another ice cream date with Ava again.

    My phone vibrated.

    JJ: Paige...

    P: I'll tell him when I'm ready.

    We looked at each other.

    "Hey can you stop at that gas station right there real fast?" Sammy asked the driver.

    "Sure thing!" She said, pulling into the parking lot.

    "I need food." Sammy said. The boys all agreed, so I just decided to get out with them. We entered the store and I went straight to the bathroom.

    I took my glasses off and looked at my eyes in the mirror. they were red and puffy, and it seemed like I hadn't slept in 10 days.

    Jack J entered the bathroom.

    I hurry and put my glasses back on.

   "Um, hey," I said.

    "Are you doing okay?" He shut the door.

    "No." My lip quivered and tears arose to my eyes. He walked over to me and took my glasses off.

    "I'm so sorry..." He gave me a tight hug until I wanted to let go. I cried some more.

    I released him and looked into his eyes.

   "Thank you for being here for me." I said.

   He went in for another hug and held me tight.

   The door opened and Jack came in. I hurry and let go of Jack J and put my glasses back on.

   "What the hell are you doing?" He looked at Jack J.

   "I'm..." He didn't know what to say.

    I slid my glasses to the top of my head and folded my arms. He looked at me as I cried.

    "What's happening?!" He questioned.

    "I don't want to explain it again. Tell him." I said, choking down tears. I motioned my hand to Jack J.

    "Ava got killed by a drunk driver.." He put his hand behind his neck and sighed.

    For some reason, the words hit me harder than they did the first time. I bursted out crying. All I wanted was to give her a hug. I didn't know that when I left my house today it'd be my last best friend hug.

    Jack had a shocked expression on his face. His jaw dropped and he ran his fingers through his hair, blowing out air from his mouth. He turned his attention back to me and walked over to give me a long hug. He held the back of my neck and rubbed my back.

    "Paige..." I felt his voice vibrate through my ear that was on his chest.

    I saw Sammy and Nate appear in the doorway. They were talking to Jack J, but I wasn't listening. I didn't feel like I was alive.