Opposite attracts - Lashton | COMPLETED

Chapter fourty-six: Ashton

  Holy poo. I can't believe I just said that. I swear I did not meant to.. Did I? I can' t tell Luke I love him. It's not that I don't love him - because I do, I love him so much. I just can't say these words. Not now at least. That's way too soon - and we're not even in a real and official relationship yet.

Yes, I told him those exact three words when he was at the hospital but I was scared and in shock at the time. When you see the person you're in love with on it's death-bed - Luke was not about to die but let's just pretend - you say things you don't necessarily meant to say. Some people asks for apologies or confess their sins - cheating - and I declare my love to the boy that won't ever return the feeling..

And right now, in my room: it just slipped. 

A moment of thick and awkward silence passed before I decided to get up from the bed and leave. I could feel my tears threatening to fall from my hazel eyes and I really, really don't want Luke to see me break down in front of him. I'm embarrassed enough already, I don't need to add some more.

''Ash,'' said Luke, gripping my hand, stopping me.

I stopped but didn't turn, waiting for the blonde to talk. And if he doesn't, I'm leaving the room. 

''What, Luke? Say something!'' I pleaded, my voice raised higher than I meant to. 

''I.. I don't know what to say..'' he mumbled. 

''Then don't say anything. I-it's better this way.'' 

''No. It's not. You're the one who told me that to fix a problem you have to talk it trough with the other person but you're the one who's leaving and not facing his problems. Why are you leaving instead of assuming your words?'' he asked. 

''B-because I- It just slipped, Luke. Why can't you just forget about it?'' 

''If you said these words, there must be a reason and a small part of you that wanted to say them. You don't say something just to say it. It's not a fucking play, Ashton. We don't have scripts already written and ready for us to say. You chose to say these words. Not man up and assume them.'' 

Wow. I was taken aback by the blonde's words. I'm usually the smart one but for once, he surprises me. 

''Why did you say these words to me?'' he repeated in a softer tone this time. 

Luke is right, Ashton. Man up and assume your words, your feelings.

''I think it's obvious, isn't it?'' I laughed dryly, turning on my heels to face him. 

''I love you, Luke.'' I paused. ''It may seem really forward and too soon for you but I do. I can't control my feelings. I wish I could have this capacity but I don't.'' I looked down at the floor, not wanting to meet his beautiful, crystal blue eyes. ''I don't care if you can reciprocate the feeling, it's okay. I just want you to know that I love you, so, so much and nothing you will do or say will make me change my mind.''

That was too cliché.. I should've been more original when declaring my love for the first time. Well, too bad, I can't turn back time. Like Luke said, we're not in movies. Second takes don't exists in real life. It just happens. 

My hand still in Luke's, he pulled me toward the bed and made me sit beside him. He would've usually made me sit on his lap but with his injured thigh, we prefer to be careful. I don't want him to be bleeding out in my bedroom because I'm fat and ripped his stitches.

He rubbed the pad of his thumb over my knuckles softly. ''I'm sorry I can't say it back but that's only because I've never said it to someone else than my defunct mother  and also have no clue what love actually is but when I'll know more about it, I'll let you know.''