𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐫 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐞?

4.

Do you know that feeling when the world feels like it completely stops for a large period of time? That is how I felt for the entirety of my shift tonight. Time was just an unknown concept, each time that I looked at the clock I swore that the time never changed. The shift that I was working tonight was different than my usual shifts, every Sunday I worked from five o'clock to eleven but my mind never really grasped onto the change in time. I often felt like I should be serving thirty dollar cocktails at five o'clock, when most people only wanted a quick beer and food to take home with them. Clearly I am not the type of person who enjoys change, but at least I admit it.

My mind was still scrambled from last night's unfortunate scenario where I had run into a man who didn't have a care in the world about my well being. I suppose that I had gotten a reality check, a lovely reminder that men didn't care about us women unless they were ripping our clothes off. Fortunately for me, that reminder was absolutely standing truthful as I walked back into my apartment at ten o'clock at night. As soon as I opened my apartment door, I wish that I hadn't, all that I could do was sigh to myself and plug my ears.

Emily had been hooking up with one of her coworkers, Adam, for at least three months now. Mixing business and pleasure wasn't exactly what I suggested to her, but she never took my advice when it came to men. Adam had been hanging around our apartment quite frequently for someone who refused to put a label on their relationship, but I was beginning to believe that it was Emily who didn't want to complicate their friendship. Most of the weekends that I would come home from work, Adam would be sprawled out on our couch with a bag of chips. He was nice, but he wasn't exactly the type of man that I pictured Emily to be with permanently, and I think that she knew it too.

And here comes the tricky topic: My personal love life. I haven't been in a relationship for over a full year now, and although the single life has treated me well, I am growing tired of it. I wanted to find love but I was beginning to think that I couldn't give up the lifestyle of casual hookups. Love is a overly complicated word, sometimes I believe that it was destined for me, and other times, well I stray away from it to the best of my ability. I didn't need a man's attention when I had people who loved me platonically, but the physical connection was what I missed most about being in a relationship. Although finding a hookup in Brooklyn was relatively easy, they never seemed to last.

I did the absolute best that I could to ignore the moans and groans that were coming from my roommate's bedroom, and decided to get myself in the shower and pray that they would finish up. I washed my hair until it was silky smooth, cleansed my skin until I had achieved the perfect glow, and shamelessly wrapped my body into a bathrobe. By the time that I had left the bathroom, steam covered the mirror and I felt like a whole new woman. To prove my initial prediction to be correct, Emily and Adam had both walked out of her bedroom at the exact time that I had finished up in the bathroom.