"I love to taste you, but I hate kissing you" Chris admitted, his words cut me deeper than one thousand knives. He refuses to love me, but loves to touch me.
"Truth or dare Chris?" I ask in between sloppy kisses, loving the way that his hands roamed...
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My mind felt as if it had been placed into a blender and left on for two hours. Nothing about my feelings or life made sense anymore. I found myself wondering what life felt like before the chaos, but the memories seemed scattered. I couldn't decide what part of life was better, being surrounded by criminals and danger, or struggling to buy food and pay rent before the end of the month.
As I applied my mascara, flicking the wand along my long eyelashes, I realized that neither scenario was worse than the other. Each part of my life was messy, but in completely different ways. I allowed Rio to come back into my life with his baggage, just as I allowed myself to fall into debt. These were my choices, and I began to understand that I am the only person who can prevent bad situations from occurring. The problem is, I couldn't recognize happiness without chaos.
Emily and I made plans last week to go out tonight and take some time for ourselves. We made these plans before learning that we would be under such strenuous amounts of pressure. Surely, going out for drinks and a bit of fun is exactly what we need right now, but the mood wasn't nearly as exciting as we anticipated it to be. Emily and I both were hesitant on going to New Mexico, but she made the executive decision that we should go. I know that should keep myself out of bad situations, but I couldn't let her do this alone.
My phone chimed as it laid flat on the bathroom counter. 'Do you want to get a drink?' Chris wrote, and I sighed before ignoring the message.
Chris and I haven't spoken today, I couldn't bring myself to talk to him after our heated conversation. Emily and I decided not to tell the guys about where we were going tonight, we both needed a breather from them. Emily usually tells Rio everything, and as for me, I didn't owe it to anyone to explain where I was going. A small part of me wished that I had someone to share my plans with, but I also hate the idea of being controlled.
After Emily and I got ourselves ready and slipped into tight mini dresses, we headed out to a club that was not too far from our apartment. The last time that we had gone out together, Emily threw up in our taxi, and ultimately we had to stumble home. I knew that tonight would be fun regardless of the dull mood, but I hoped that we could push everything aside and have as much fun as we originally planned.
Our heels clacked against the pavement, our hair fluttered in the breeze and smiles plastered on our faces as we walked into the club. The club was spacious, consisting of three bars, neon lights, a dance floor, and plenty of people to speak with. Bright lights flickered constantly, hitting the side of my face with colored beams. As soon as Emily and I sat down at one of the bars, it felt as if nothing was wrong, we were happy, just as we should be.
"Isn't this perfect?" Emily asked me as she grazed the drink menu that shined above the bar on a large screen.
"It's great, you didn't end up telling Rio, did you?" I asked her, because I didn't want to followed tonight.
