𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐫 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐞?

23

The relationship that I wanted was a false reality in my head, I wanted him to be someone who he wasn't, and he was in fact a drug dealer. I created the fairytale that I wanted even when I knew that it wouldn't come true.

Losing one of my best friends and one of the most valued people in my life, made me hate the industry that they were in. Maybe I was wrong to push Chris out of my life, maybe he would've stopped this for me, but then again, I was only one of the others that he just happened to make his girlfriend for the short time being.

I had to quit my job at the lounge, considering all the circumstances, there is no practical way I could've continued to work there. It has been another week since I spoke to Chris, I was packing my things up and getting ready for Emily and I both to say our goodbyes. It was impractical for Chris and I to be together anyways considering I was leaving.

"The Moving van is here" Emily sighs and has a sad look on her face.

"Don't look at me like that" I say with no emotion towards her. I was angry that she could leave like this, so angry.

"Luce, I need this! And So do you" She tries convincing me that this is a good idea.

"You just want me to make you feel better about the fact that you're throwing everything out just to forget about everything that happened? Just because you leave doesn't mean that Rio isn't dead, just because you move doesn't mean that it didn't happen, Em!" I begin to yell.

"Lucie, I didn't know him enough to love him, just like you didn't know Chris well enough to either" she spat back at me.

"I could've loved him Emily, If we repaired our lives rather than masking them and forgetting that they ever happened" I was so furious.

"You can stay, be with him! I'm not stopping you" Emily shouts at me.

"I can't Emily! I can't afford to live here anymore, just as much as I can't afford to lose you! Chris put me in a position to be killed, and I can't go back from that even if I wanted to" I repeat, almost contradicting myself.

I wished that things could've turned out another way, I wish that Chris would've put our lives first. If Emily stayed and we grieved together, then maybe Chris and I could've found love. I was just so angry that Emily had decided to leave me like this, so vulnerable.

"I know that you'll do great wherever you go, rock on your modeling career, but for now I have to go and start over" She says while carrying the last of her bags down to the lobby.

Chris had been out of hospital but has yet to make any effort to see me after our last phone call. I don't think he should see me, but a part of me wishes he would. I lost my best friend, and Rio in under a month, along with the boyfriend I barely had for over a week. Could I blame myself for this? No.