Chasing Dreams: part of the Chasing Forever series: Book 4

Chapter 11 I'm sorry

Michelle's P.O.V.

"Niall" i whispered slowly opening the door. Niall was lying on his bed with his back facing me "Niall I'm sorry" i said tears already forming in my eyes. "i...i didn't mean to-" he cut me off

"Michelle, please just go" he mumbled. i could tell he'd been crying "Niall i-" he cut me off "Go" he said a little louder.

I sighed swallowed my tears and turned around "i'm sorry" i whispered

"No your not" Niall said stopping me in my tracks "if you were sorry you would have told me seven ears ago" he said sitting up and looking at me with hatred in his eyes "Niall...you have to believe me! it's not my fault!" i cried "I'm not mad at you because of the kiss... I'm mad at Harry because of the kiss....but you.... I'm mad at you because you kept it from me! for seven years! FOR SEVEN YEARS!" he yelled getting louder and louder "i know and I'm-" he cut me off "Shut up!" he yelled

Theres was silence

"Seven years of lying to me...seven years of secrets...seven years of...of..."

We stood at the opposite sides of the room and there was more silence

"did you even think about telling me?" he asked "Niall, of course i did! i couldn't even look; no! i couldn't even hear your voice with out thinking about it. it killed me! for seven years! and there were so many time where i couldn't have told you...wish i told you"

"Why didn't you?! tell me?" here asked he had calmed down some but he was still full of anger and hatred "i kept talking my self out of it...i would think of the girls...the boys...your and Harry's friendship...i couldn't bare to see everything we had...everything we loved...gone...destroyed" tears were now flowing out of my eyes but i forced them from entering my throat and keeping me from speaking. "Well...it turned out that way in the end anyway huh?" Niall said with a straight face.

i took in a little quivering breath and let it out with the same quiveryness as my tears invaded my whole body. i couldn't move. i couldn't speak. i could hardly breath; the guilt and sadness was so powerful

"It haunted me since the first day" i cried forcing my mouth opened. "i had dreams about it" i said in between sobs.

There was silence

"Please" i begged "please forgive me" i cried. Niall shook his head "now i know how Kendra feels...betrayed by the person you trusted most...i'll never forgive you" he said letting the hate take over.

My tears became heavier as Niall said these words.

"I'm so sorry!" i cried "i didn't mean to" i was crying so hard i could barely breath but some how my words came out in loud, higher pitched sentences in between my sobs. "Michelle! stop feeling sorry for yourself!" Niall yelled "I'm sorry!" i cried some more ignoring him "Michelle!" he yelled "I'm sorry" i cried again "Shut up!" he yelled

"I kissed him" i blurted out and everything seemed to stop. Niall. his heart. my tears. the air. everything. "Couple days after we got here...i knew i was gonna tell you while i was here...but...after countless conversations with Jenna and Kendra they talked me out of telling you...told me it wasn't a big deal anymore since it was so long ago...so...i had to make it not so long ago...so i kissed...it didn't mean any thing! promise" i explained then my tears started back up again.

Niall walked up to me and without notice he slapped me. right across my face. slap. just like that!

I looked up at him with tears eyes screaming "i'm sorry!" and raised my hand to my cheek where his palm mad contacted with me face.

"I hope you remember this moment forever" he whispered, more hate pouring from his eyes. "our kids...Harry...me...you...will be a constant reminder of what we had...but we...will never have it again...because you crushed it"

I never in all my years I've known him (even as a fan girl) have heard him say such violet words with such hatred before!

I just slowly shook my head

"I love you" i whispered "go away" he said quietly but his words stabbed into me. i nodded, turned around and walked out; tears flowing down my face and hitting my hand which was still resting on my cheek.

This feeling; Niall hating me, was the compleat opposite of Niall kissing me. when my lips touched his i got butterflies and i felt all warm and fuzzy and inside. my mind went blank and i lost all feeling. i felt as thought i was walking on air. but now! in this moment! it felt like my heart dropped and i was dragging it behind me. i had feeling in every way possible; my cheek and broken heart proved that! and my mind was on one thing and one thing only...Niall...how hurt he looked! how completely different he was! he broken he was!