Amazed

Chapter Thirteen

JOE POV
I sit across the bed from Eva, staring at her flowery wallpaper.
"What is it Joe?" She looks me in the eyes again. "What's wrong?"
"I-" I'm trying desperately not to cry. "I can't do it anymore."
"Do what? Travel around? Make videos?" I can tell she's trying to dodge around the real subject. She must have guessed, mustn't she?
"I just feel so bad," I really should have thought this through. "The age thing."
"Joe, you aren't making any sense." She goes to reach for my hand but I pull away. I can't look at her anymore. "You have to tell me what's wrong!" She's raising her voice now.
"I'm sorry, but I can't," I can feel the tears starting to roll down my cheeks and I will myself to stop. Stop everything. I wish I was back with Caspar. He could help. Or could he? "I can't keep on pretending to myself that you're more than a little sister! I didn't think it through when I first kissed you. I just couldn't stop thinking about you and that was the easiest thing to do and I do love you, I do, but-"
"But you're breaking up with me. I get it. Nobody's good enough for you, Joseph Sugg." She stands up and slams the door behind her before I can explain that it isn't like that. Not at all.
EVA POV
I do the first thing I can think of and go to Luke's. I hope Joe knows how much he's hurt me. I should've known it couldn't end well. I was only eighteen, for God's sake.
"Evie, what is it? What's wrong?" Luke invites me in and hugs me close.
"Joe. It's all Joe. He told me that he just doesn't think it will work out," I say. "The coward's gone and ended everything."
"Don't beat yourself up about it. What was your reaction?"
"I told him that nobody seemed to be good enough for Joseph Sugg."
"Nice one," Luke laughs. "I mean, yeah. That's kind of true."
LUKE POV
There's a knock on the door.
I go to answer it and Joe is stood outside.
"Is Eva here, because-"
"She is. I doubt she wants to see you, though." I look him up and down.
"Please, let me speak to her, please."
JOE POV
She walks out from behind him. Her cheeks are red and she wipes her eyes on the sleeve of her jumper.
"Please listen to me, Eva. Look, I don't want to sound desperate. You have reason to be angry-"
"Oh I'm angry alright."
"Do you blame her?" Luke says bitterly.
"Shut up," I mutter. "I wasn't talking to you."
"Guys, guys. God. Luke, can I have a moment alone with Joe, please?"
"Alright." He grunts and walks away.
"What do you want?" She asks, raising her eyebrows.
"I," am I going to regret this decision? "I want you to drive me to the train station and say goodbye. I want us to be friends. I still love you, but not in the way I'm supposed to."
"Alright." She nods her head and grabs her bag.
We get to the train station after a journey of many apologies and awkward silences. It's all my fault. This time yesterday, even this time this morning, it wouldn't have been like this. My thoughts are jumbled up in my head. Should I have done it? Kept on lying to myself?
My train isn't there yet, so I buy Eva a coffee and and we sit on a bench and wait.
"You can go if you like." I say.
"No, it's okay." She's staring into the distance. She won't look me in the eye.
That's what I wanted, wasn't it?
No, no I didn't.
"Joe, just stop," She looks at me. "We can still be friends. I never said we couldn't. We just need to go away and think about things for a bit, okay?"
"Okay." I say, and then the train arrives.
EVA POV
I wave goodbye to Joe, and then it hits me. Joe Sugg just broke up with me. He just...he just broke up with me.
There's nobody around; it wouldn't have mattered if there was anyway, to be honest. I sink to my knees and put my head in my hands, discarding my coffee. I stay like that, crying and gasping and not really knowing what to do until I get up and drive home in complete silence.
JOE POV
I unlock the front door and throw my bag in the living room. Caspar is on his laptop with his headphones on. He puts them round his neck and turns around when I close the door.
"Oh, hey Joe. What's up?"
"Quite a lot."
"What do you mean? How's Eva? You're early..."
"Yeah, well, she probably won't be speaking to me for a while."
"What are you talking about, man?"
"I made the biggest mistake of my life today. I did it. I didn't even give it until Christmas."
"You didn't!?" Caspar stands up.
"I did. I went and broke up with her in completely the wrong way and I really don't like myself for it."
"Joe Sugg," I look up at Caspar. He looks quite angry. "You're a complete idiot."
And then he takes his laptop downstairs and leaves me to feel bad. And so I should.