Caraphernelia ((Kellic))

Chapter 16

So, this chapter will probably be short. It's during the APMAs and it feels so weird to be writing the APMAs chapter 4 months after the actual APMAs occurred. I really want to fix Kellic now but I also don't want to rush the story along like some people do. I want things to last and getting together now would be moving too quickly (even though they 'broke up' 2 years ago). Idek I'm a confusing human.

~Victoria .-.

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Kellin's POV

After walking out of that room, I couldn't help the sobs that escaped. Even after two years, even after what he had done to me, I still couldn't deny my feelings for him. I couldn't deny that I still loved him. But after seeing him with that girl, it became completely and utterly clear that he had forgotten about me.

After about an hour, the sadness slowly started replacing itself with anger and complete fury. The fact that even though he's the one that cheated on me, the fact that he's the one who broke my heart, he still was able to forget about me, to forget about us, so easily.

I know that I should just forget about him and move on with my life but it's not that easy. It's not easy to forget about someone that you fell in love with.

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Vic's POV

"I still can't believe that we've been nominated for so many awards." Jaime practically squeals, jumping up and down with excitement.

"I know, right. Or the fact that this is the first Alternative Press awards show. " Mike adds, also very excited. It seemed like everyone was super excited for this awards show. Everyone except for me.

For the rest of the afternoon, all I could think about was Kellin's face when he found out about Danielle. I had never seen a look like that for two years. Seeing that look caused all of the memories from that night to come back at full force. Every word, every tear, every painful feeling that I did not want to revisit. It was like living in a nightmare.

Getting ready for the APMAs with the rest of the guys and Danielle was kind of difficult. I had never been this down since high school when all I had felt was self-hatred. It was like I was getting bullied by my thoughts all over again. I kept getting asked by everyone if I was okay and I kept saying that I was fine but honestly, I hated myself. I hated what I did to Kellin.

Eventually, Mike pulled me away from the rest of the group to talk to me in private. This was something he did every once in awhile. He remembers everything that I did to myself back then. He was the one that found me in my bathroom, saw the ugly marks on my arms. I promised myself that I would stop for my baby brother. I promised to try and stop hurting and hating myself but sometimes, those old thoughts and feelings come back to haunt me.

"Vic, are you okay? I'm honestly worried about you." he says, concern evident on his face.

"To be honest, I'm not that great. Just, being around him reminds me of what I did to him and I honestly hate myself for it. It makes me feel like such a horrible person." I say, telling him the truth.

"I can only imagine how hard it must be on you but remember, you've still got your friends. And if you even start thinking about.....certain things, come and talk to me before anything. I just want you to be okay." he tells me, his eyes tearing up a little.

I nod and he hugs me, telling me that things will get better. Weird to have my own words thrown back in my face.

We walk back to the group and get into the limo (even I got a little excited over that) and we drive to the venue. Climbing out, I realize that there's a red carpet. This is all so weird that it's actually kind of cool.

Both Pierce The Veil and Sleeping With Sirens are told to stand near each other on the red carpet and Bryan Stars came to talk to us. Again, Kellin and I had to pretend to like each other for the whole thing but the air was obviously tense. We finished talking to Bryan before continuing our walk down the red carpet.

Our time there was going okay until Sleeping With Sirens performed. Matty Mullins introduced them and then came the performance. Kellin was amazing as always but how he performed had an angry feel to it. It was almost like he was pouring all of his anger towards one person. That person being none other than me.

Almost every person standing in the back watching him perform knew about our history together and almost everyone knew the truth. He was singing about me. It was so obvious that it kind of hurt for me to watch it. He even stuck his middle finger up during If You Can't Hang and everyone understood, especially me. He absolutely hated my guts.

I ended up excusing myself for a bit, not able to watch anymore of their performance. It was like I was getting hit with the stone cold truth and it hurt like hell. He hated my very existence.

Our band ended up winning three awards that night: Best Live Band, Best Bassist (Jaime), and Best Drummer (Mike). Even A Love Like War by All Time Low featuring yours truly won song of the year. I even got to perform said song that night which helped me almost forget about my dilemma (almost).

But for the rest of that night, I just couldn't stop thinking about everything. About Kellin, about how I should've listened to my gut feeling the night of that party, about the night that I lost someone I loved and that I still love. About us. I just wanted us to be us again. But I feared that there would never again be an us.

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These chapters are honestly making me cry omfg. I feel like Satan tbh. Next weekend, I'm gonna skip about 4 months to the beginning of The World Tour because that is actually the main setting of this half. Sometime this week I'm planning on posting the Thanksgiving one-shot featuring Turkey Vic (my icon) that I created myself. I'll be back next weekend to post the beginning of The World Tour. Have a great night :) Also, follow me on my Instagram band page (vicsknees). I won't be posting on there for awhile because of technology problems but I'll hopefully be back on there soon.

Song for this chapter: "Kick Me" by Sleeping With Sirens (omfg that song is really good all arguments are invalid good goodbye it's just awesome goodbye)

~Victoria .-.