There's No Way

Sleepless Night

Falling asleep was easy, but staying asleep was hard. His bed was the most comfortable thing I had ever slept on, and his pillows smelled just like him. I felt safe and comforted, but every time I'd fall asleep my mind would replay the hell the Lucas had put me through. I checked the time on my phone and saw that it was nearly 3 AM. I felt dirty – it was like I could feel Lucas lingering on my skin. I walked into the master bathroom and saw a giant bathtub. Perfect.

I quietly closed the bathroom door behind me and began to draw myself a bath. I stripped myself of the clothing Shawn had given me and tied my hair up into a messy bun on the top of my head. I examined my body in the mirror as tears once again began streaming down my face. Bruises in the shape of his hands covered my body, like a map showing a play-by-play of exactly how he had hurt me.

I let the tears continue to fall freely as I sunk myself into the warm water in the tub, placing a rolled towel behind me neck for support. I closed my eyes and began humming various melodies, something that had always managed to calm my down since I was a young girl. After finding a melody that felt good, I continued to hum it until it was engrained into my memory. I didn't know if I'd actually turn it into anything, but it had been a while since I had put the piano in my apartment to good use, so I figured I might as well.

A little less than an hour later I removed myself from the porcelain tub, the water getting cold enough to not be comforting anymore. I took my time drying off and re-examining the marks on my body before slipping Shawn's clothes back on and returning to bed. Seeing that it was nearly 4 AM and I hadn't gotten more than an hour of sleep, I was extremely grateful that Shawn had gotten me out of work. I held his pillow as close to me as possible, breathing in his scent. Slowly, I closed my eyes and tried once again to find sleep.

I was awoken once more around 7 AM by the sound of the shower in the guest bathroom running. I closed my eyes for a moment and let out a breath of relief; for some reason, knowing he was awake brought me much-needed peace. My moment of solitude was quickly interrupted when I remembered that he would be leaving to go to work in less than an hour.

My eyes flew open and I shot up out of bed the moment I realized that Shawn would be seated in the cubicle right across from Lucas. I had never seen Shawn get violent before, but he was extremely protective, especially when it came to the women that he cared about most. Panic started to flood my chest as thoughts of what would happen when Shawn would see him at work swirled in my mind. Memories from the night before replayed through my mind, and I let out a sigh of relief as I realized I hadn't told Shawn who it was that had raped me. Hell, I hadn't even told him that it was rape – but I'm sure the state he found me in gave him enough context to at least have an idea of what happened.

I went into the bathroom to go to use the toilet, brush my teeth and wash my face. I took my hair out of the bun that was now loosely hanging on the side of my head due to the endless tossing and turning in my sleep and brushed through my long curls with my fingers. I walked over to the door of the bedroom, turning it slowly. As I made my way through the hall, I noticed Shawn standing in the kitchen eating a banana. His eyes lifted to meet mine before he spoke.

"Good morning, how did you sleep?" he asked. I continued walking towards him, stopping just on the other side of the counter.

"Not great, but I didn't really expect to," I said with a shrug. He stared at me for a moment before letting out a deep sigh.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Why? You have nothing to be sorry for, I should be thanking you." I walked around to the other side of the counter, less than a foot separating us. He looked down at the floor, contemplating his next words.

"Listen Camila, I don't know what happened to you last night...and I don't expect you to give me the details, but putting the pieces together I can assume what happened..." Tears began to spill out of his eyes as he spoke.

"...and I'm really fucking sorry." His eyes were glued to mine at this point. I closed the space in between us by wrapping my small body around his in a hug.

"Thank you for keeping me safe," I whispered into his chest. He squeezed a little tighter before responding.

"Anytime."

He finished eating his breakfast and began to get his things around to leave for work. I knew I'd have to go back to work soon, but I also knew I wouldn't be able to walk into that building if I knew Lucas was in there. I knew exactly what I needed to do, but I was going to need Shawn's help and support to do it. Just as he was about to walk out of the front door, I spoke up.

"Hey Shawn! Before you go..." He quickly turned around, ready and willing to help with whatever it was that I needed.

"Could...could you take me to the police station tonight?" I asked. He walked back over to me, leaving the front door slightly ajar, and wrapped me in another hug.

"Of course I can."

He placed a gentle kiss on the top of my head before turning and walking out the door.