There's No Way

She Will Be Loved

My alarm had been going off for about 3 minutes before I even noticed it. My body was exhausted - once it realized it was capable of sleep, that's all it wanted to do. I reached over to grab my phone and turned the alarm off. I couldn't manage to get out of bed yet, though. I laid there on the bed, staring at the ceiling for what felt like 5 minutes but was closer to half an hour. I squeezed my eyes shut for one last brief moment before using all of the courage and strength I had in me to lift my body up off of the bed. I lazily waltzed my way into the bathroom and began getting ready to return to work. I took a quick shower, careful to keep my eyes open the entire time as to not have a repeat of the last time I tried to take a shower. I then blow dried my curls and applied a light layer of makeup before putting on my clothes for the day. I opted for something a little less provocative than I had been wearing to work. I pulled on a pair of high-waisted, skinny khaki pants and a large, navy blue fuzzy sweater – as well as a pair of matching booties. Just as I was about to walk out of the bedroom, I stopped myself and took a final look at myself in the mirror.

"You've got this," I quietly whispered to myself before stepping out into the hallway. As I made my way out into the kitchen, I was greeted by a tall, sleepy-eyed brunette boy holding a mug of coffee in one hand and a half-eaten banana in the other. He looked at me for a brief moment before letting out a sigh of disappointment.

"What? Do I really look that horrible? I can go change..." I started to turn to go back to the bedroom but before I even got the chance, Shawn had gently grabbed hold of my wrist and spun me around so I was facing him again.

"You don't look horrible, you look beautiful...obviously..." He said the last word just barely above a whisper, but it made my heart skip a beat nonetheless. Someone telling you that you're beautiful is already such a meaningful compliment, but when someone says you're obviously beautiful it carries more weight. I had never felt more broken and bruised but to him I was beautiful...obviously. His deep and quiet voice quickly brought me out of my thoughts and back to reality.

"Are you sure you want to do this? I'm serious, you can take more time off if you need to. I know you don't want to let anyone down but I really think-" I cut him off by wrapping my arms around him in a hug, burying my head into his chest.

"I know you're worried, but I need to at least try," I murmured into his chest. He squeezed me a little tighter before placing a sweet kiss to the top of my head.

"Well, we should probably get going then if we want to be there early," he stated as we pulled out of our embrace. We had decided the night before that we should get there a few minutes before anyone else would just in case my emotions would get the best of me. As of right now, the only people who knew about what happened were Shawn, Lucas and myself – and for the time being I needed it to stay that way. I had a feeling that if any of my coworkers saw me go into a full-on downward spiral of an emotional breakdown the moment I stepped into my cubicle they would probably have some questions – so early arrival it is. I twiddled my thumbs during the near-silent drive with Shawn on the way to work, "She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5 quietly emitting form the car radio. He must've noticed my nervous habit because he gently reached over and placed his large right hand over both of mine. Neither of us said anything at first; honestly, I wasn't in the mood to talk. I think Shawn knew that, so the silence was appreciated. I stared out of the passenger side window at the sunrise as Shawn drove, his hand still covering mine, both of us listening to the sounds of Adam Levine's voice quietly echoing throughout the vehicle.

I don't mind spending every day out on your corner in the pouring rain,

Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay a while

and she will be loved, she will be loved

I felt a gentle squeeze on my hands as a tear I hadn't previously been aware of began to run down my cheek. Still facing away from Shawn, I continued staring out the window.

Tap on my window, knock on my door

I want to make you feel beautiful

I know I tend to get so insecure, it doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies,

It's compromise that moves us along

My heart is full and my door is always open,

You can come anytime you want

I finally turned my head to look over at Shawn, his face etched with concern, worry and sadness. It was something I always admired about him - his empathy. If someone he cared about was hurt, he felt that hurt too. Other people's pain was his pain, the same way that their happiness was his happiness. I intertwined my fingers with the strong hand that was still resting on mine and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"I'm gonna be okay," I said, reassuring him. He gave me a soft smile before responding.

"I know you will be," he took a deep breath and shook his head before finishing his sentence. "...but you should've never been put in this situation in the first place," His voice was steady as he spoke, but I could see the tears in his eyes threatening to spill over. He brought our intertwined hands up to his lips and placed a soft kiss to the back of my hand before continuing.

"I just...care about you, so much. I want to protect you, I want...I just want you to feel safe with me..." his voice trailed off. 

"I do feel safe with you," I responded in all sincerity. It was true, I had never felt as safe as I did when I was with Shawn. My response to him had elicited another soft smile as a single tear began to run down his cheek. I reached over and gently wiped it away as we continued in silence for the rest of the drive to work.