There's No Way

We're Gonna Be Okay

[Camila's POV]

There I was, laying on the couch wrapped in the arms of my incredible boyfriend, and yet the only thing I found myself able to think about was the potential child growing in my uterus. I tried not to let my anxiety get the best of me, but I knew that Shawn could tell. His arms tightened around me slightly as he pressed a kiss on the top of my head. My head was resting on his chest as a single tear rolled down my face and was absorbed by his t-shirt.

"You know I love you, right? So much - no matter what." He knew me too well and his words were proof of that. I kept repeating the last part of his sentence in my head. No matter what. I took a deep breath and swallowed back the tears currently forming in my eyes before using all of the courage and confidence I had to tell him what was going on.

"I think I'm pregnant," I whispered. I wasn't looking at him, instead my eyes stayed glued to the TV screen. He was silent for a moment. Part of me thought maybe I had whispered it so quietly that he hadn't heard me. Or maybe he was trying to plan his escape from me. Maybe he was panicking even more than I was. Maybe he was frozen in shock. Unable to curb my curiosity any longer I looked up at my love, terrified of what I might see.

His eyes were full of tears. Not tears of fear or panic or dread - but tears of empathy. He hurt because he knew I was hurting. He knew how much I needed to move on from everything that had happened, and he knew that getting pregnant wasn't the easiest way to do that.

"Did you take a test?" He asked as he intertwined our fingers.

"No, I got a notification from my period tracker app this morning that I'm over a week late...and after doing the math, it kind of makes sense..." My words trailed off as he pulled me closer to him, pressing his lips against my forehead. He placed a finger gently under my chin and brought my face up to look him in the eyes, our faces only centimeters apart.

"We're gonna be okay, okay?" His words were reassuring and sincere. I nodded apprehensively and he pulled me in for a kiss.

"Do you think we can get a test tonight? It's been killing me to not know for sure," I said. He nodded in agreement and squeezed my hand which was still intertwined with his.

"Of course we can. In fact, why don't we order some pizza? I can go pick it up and I'll stop and get some tests while I'm out."

----

I don't know how I ended up with someone as kind, caring, and understanding as Shawn. Multiple times a day I found myself thinking that I didn't deserve him. I was trying to teach myself to quickly put an end to those kind of thoughts, something that Shawn himself had actually talked to me about. He knew I had a lot of issues with self-doubt and low self-worth and he did everything in his power to make sure I knew that I deserved good things, including him.

I heard his car pull into the driveway, signaling that he had returned from his pizza-and-pregnancy-tests adventure. My stomach flipped at the thought of knowing whether or not I was going to be a mother within the next few minutes. He walked in the front door and saw my face etched with anxiety and concern.

"Which one would you like to do first?" He asked, a brown cardboard pizza box in one hand and a plastic bag in the other.

"I don't think I can go any longer without knowing," I replied honestly. He handed the plastic bag over to me. I could tell that he wasn't sure if he should go with me or not, and he seemed far too nervous to ask. I knew I wouldn't be able to do this without him, though - so I reached my hand out to him. "I could really use some emotional support," I said. He grabbed my hand and we both walked into the bathroom. He laughed when he saw the plastic cup of my pee sitting on the counter.

"You already peed?" He laughed.

"You were taking a long time, I couldn't hold it in anymore!" I defended myself. I opened the plastic bag to see three different boxes of pregnancy tests, all different brands.

"I've heard it's good to take multiple different kinds of tests so that you know for sure," he explained. I nodded before responding.

"Good idea." My hands were shaking as I attempted to open the three tests. Shawn noticed and came over to help me out. I read the instructions for each test nearly five times - not wanting to mess anything up and risk sabotaging the tests. I dipped each stick into the cup of my pee one by one, counting however many seconds the package for that particular test said to leave the stick in the pee for. Once I was done, I set all three of the tests on the counter and walked over to Shawn. He immediately wrapped me in his arms as I tried not to panic. He brought his lips to my ear, whispering sweet nothings to me in an attempt to calm me down.

After what felt like forever, the timer Shawn had set on his phone went off, signaling that it was time to look at the results of the tests. He pulled away from me gently, rubbing his hands up and down my arms in encouragement.

"I don't think I can do it," I said honestly. "Can you look at them and just...tell me what they say?" I asked. He gave me an understanding smile and nodded in agreement. He walked over to the counter while I stayed in the corner of the bathroom, staring down at my feet in fear. I heard him pick up each test one by one before sauntering back over to me. He pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. I took a deep breath and could already feel the tears starting to pour out of my eyes, expecting the worst.

"They're negative," he whispered. I pulled out of the hug in disbelief.

"Really? They're negative?" I asked. He nodded in confirmation.

"Really. Go look." He said. I grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the counter with me, still not 100% prepared to look at the tests myself. I picked each test up one by one. Sure enough, each one was negative.

"I'm not pregnant," I whispered, still completely in disbelief. I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Thank you...for everything. Thank you for being there for me." I told him. 

"I told you - I've got your back. Forever." I smiled and leaned in to press a kiss to his lips.

"And I've got yours. Now let's go - that pizza ain't gonna eat itself." I grabbed Shawn's hand and led him out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. I opened the pizza box to see the most delicious looking pizza I had ever seen - half pepperoni, half pineapple & jalapeño. I couldn't help but smile at the memory of the first time we had been at this house together sharing a pizza. It wasn't that long ago, but it felt like we had both lived an entire life since then. We had both been through so much and had both come such a long way. I looked up and saw him grab two slices of the pepperoni half of the pizza and place them on a paper plate.

"I'm so in love with you," I said honestly. He smiled wide before responding.

"I'm so in love with you too, Camila."