There's No Way

The Talk

[Shawn's POV]

My breathing was shaky and my palms were getting sweaty. Obviously I knew this conversation would come up eventually, but I wasn't expecting it tonight. I was terrified, which honestly made me feel kind of selfish. I mean here she is describing one of the most horrible things that has ever happened to her...and I'm the scared one? I looked at her and noticed she was staring at her lap and twiddling her thumbs. I took a steadying breath before covering her hands with mine. I couldn't be the scared one here, I needed to be strong for her.

"If you're ready to talk, I'm ready to listen," I spoke. Her lips curved into a soft smile before whispering an 'okay'. She was silent for several seconds, as was I.

"Sorry...I-I don't really know where to start," she said nervously. I removed my hand from hers and cupped her face, gently pressing my lips against hers.

"Take your time, start wherever you feel comfortable," I said, desperately trying to hide just how scared I was to hear this story. She let out a big sigh before leaning her head against the headboard of the bed.

"Well, first of all, I was never actually interested in him," she said. "The only reason I would flirt with him so much at work was to make you jealous because I was too scared to tell you that I had feelings for you," she admitted. I looked at her in disbelief. 

"Seriously?" I asked. She nodded in reply.

"I mean, in hindsight that probably wasn't the best move on my part," she said regretfully. I shook my head and squeezed her hand.

"Don't blame yourself, you know it wasn't your fault," I reminded her. She nodded and whispered a broken 'sorry' before continuing her story.

"I thought I was alone," she said quietly. "I had a lot to do that day so I ended up staying about 20 minutes later than usual."

All I could do was nod in understanding, my throat threatening to close up at the thought of the details I was about to get.

"As I was getting ready to leave he stood up from his desk, I had no idea he was there. I actually told him that. I told him that I didn't realize that he was there. He told me that he didn't actually have any work to do, he just wanted to get me alone. He actually said that to me," she explained.

The hand of mine that wasn't intertwined with Camila's was suddenly forming a fist. She wasn't even to the worst part of the story yet and I already had the overwhelming urge to put my fist through a wall - or better yet - Lucas.

"I couldn't even get another word out before he had me cornered in my cubicle. He looked...I don't know, murderous almost."

I swallowed hard at the idea. I knew that he had sexually assaulted her, but it was becoming clearer and clearer as she told the story that it was far worse than I could've ever imagined.

"He didn't even try to 'seduce me' in any way, he knew I wouldn't agree. He knew I would never be okay with or want it and he didn't care. I tried to get away. I told him that it was late and I was tired and needed to get home but none of it mattered. He was all over me. I tried to push him away but he just slammed me against the wall instead - saying something about how he had been waiting all day and how I wasn't allowed to make up excuses."

Tears were forming in her eyes - the same eyes that were avoiding mine. I didn't question her, though. I knew that this was an extremely vulnerable moment for her and I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable with forced eye contact. Not to mention the tears that were rapidly forming in my eyes, as well.

"H-he...he, um..." she struggled. I squeezed her hand comfortingly. 

"Take your time," I managed to choke out. She took a deep breath and screwed her eyes shut.

"He turned me around and grabbed the back of my head and slammed it against my desk...s-so I was bent over in front of him." Tears were now steadily streaming down both of our faces. I clenched my jaw and held my breath, knowing that the next part of this story would be what hurt the most.

"I tried to fight him, I tried to kick back at him but it didn't work. He just laughed at me. That's the scariest part - it wasn't just sexual for him, he wanted to hurt me. He enjoyed watching me struggle, he enjoyed hurting me." I felt sick to my stomach the moment the words left her mouth. How any human could treat another human so poorly was beyond my comprehension.

"He kept hitting me. I hardly even remember him taking my clothes off because I was so distracted by the pain he was causing me. I felt paralyzed the second I heard his belt buckle being undone and his pants being unzipped." Her eyes were still screwed shut. She kept them shut for the remainder of the story, but the tears found their way out anyways.

"Th-then he...h-he..." She was shaking. My heart was breaking, not just at the story but at the sight of the girl in front of me who was reliving it.

"It was torture. He was fucking relentless. I was sobbing and begging him to stop but he didn't care. He just kept telling me how sexy I sounded. He literally was getting off on abusing me."

Now I was the one who was shaking. Knowing what that jackass did to her, how he hurt her - every part of me now regrets not hitting him harder. My mind flashed back to the bruises I had seen when I found her after her panic attack in the shower, causing my heart to drop into my stomach now that I knew the details of how she had gotten them.

"I'm not really sure how long it lasted but it felt like fucking forever. Next thing I knew he was standing over me pulling his pants back up and I was laying naked on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. He didn't care, he never cared. Not once did he show any ounce of remorse for what he had done to me," she said through her tears. "The last thing he said to me was, 'until next time, Cabello!' and I felt like I was going to throw up. He couldn't wait to do it again, he was so excited."

The sadness in her voice had quickly turned to fear. It broke my heart to know that she was still so scared of him returning to hurt her again.

"When I heard the door open a few minutes later...in that moment I just wanted to die. I thought it was him, I thought it was just going to keep happening." My heart dropped at her words. She wanted to die. He hurt her so horribly that she would've rather just died than have to go through it again.

"But when I heard your voice instead," she quietly said. She opened her eyes and looked up at me. Both of us were teary messes but neither of us cared. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my chest. "Thank you for saving me," she whimpered against me. I couldn't yet find the strength to form any type of real words, so I just squeezed my arms around her tighter.

I don't know how long we stayed like that but in that moment all we needed was each other. That's exactly how we fell asleep that night - emotionally exhausted, but completely at peace with each other.