There's No Way

Sweet Dreams

[Shawn's POV]

After being discharged from the hospital, I took Camila back to our home where she would spend the next five to six weeks in recovery. Despite the pain, she seemed to be in much better spirits. I think her doctor's confidence and positivity in her recovery from this gave her back the hope she had been missing. The entire car ride home she had been talking about how much she just wanted to take a shower. She had taken one before we had left for the hospital that morning—but I understood how having surgery might make someone feel less than clean. She began walking into the bathroom by herself before turning and facing me.

"I...um, I'm probably going to need your help..." she said, almost as if she was embarrassed. I smiled and nodded as I followed her into the bathroom. I grabbed a couple of the plush white towels from the linen closet and set them on the counter as she began unbuttoning the flannel shirt she was wearing, fully exposing her chest. I walked over and carefully pulled down the sweatpants and underwear she had been wearing—kneeling down on the tile floor to pull them from around her ankles before standing up. I tried my best to avert my eyes from her now naked body—knowing full well that I would be unable to control the way my body reacted. I walked over and discarded the clothes she had been wearing into the hamper. When I turned around to face her again I noticed tears falling down her cheeks as she hung her head in shame.

"Is...is it really that bad?" she asked sadly. I cocked an eyebrow in confusion and walked back over to her, cautiously placing my hands on her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her.

"Whoa, what? What are you talking about, baby? I questioned.

"You can't even look at me," she said in a choked sob as she carefully traced the incision with her fingertips. "Is it really that bad?" Suddenly I felt extremely guilty about the fact that I hadn't let my eyes wander over her naked form.

"Oh god, baby no! That's not it...I just—" I paused out of embarrassment for what I was about to say. I don't know why I felt so ashamed about how easily she could get a reaction out of me, but I was. "You're beautiful," I reassured her. "So beautiful, in fact, that sometimes just looking at you gets a reaction out of me, and now...now doesn't really seem like the most appropriate time for that kind of reaction..." She stared at me blankly for a brief moment before chuckling.

"Well now I feel like an idiot for crying," she said through a teary laugh. "Sorry, these meds have my emotions all over the place."

"Don't worry about it. You're good," I said before cupping my hands around her face and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

I undressed myself and helped her step into the shower. She was still feeling pretty weak—because of that, I didn't trust her in the slippery shower by herself. I stood in there with her and soaked her loofah up with her signature coconut vanilla body wash, gently scrubbing the sponge over her entire body while being careful to avoid the incision. Once I had finished, she moved under the shower head and let the water wash away the suds and soak her long hair. I reach over to grab her shampoo and squeezed a generous amount into my hands. The medical staff had instructed that she shouldn't be lifting her arms up above her head, so the shampooing duty also fell on me—though I wasn't complaining. I massaged the shampoo into her curls, noticing the way her head fell back slightly as a soft smile crept up onto her lips.

"That's nice," she whispered. After we finished in the shower, I helped her towel dry before going to the dresser and pulling out a pair of her panties and one of my old t-shirts that she loved. I helped her carefully step into the underwear and pulled them up her toned legs before sliding the large t-shirt over her small body. I grabbed her brush and began to comb out the tangles in her hair before tying it into a loose braid.

"I'm guessing you want to lay down?" I asked.

"Yeah, apparently something as simple as a shower is enough to wear me out." Her tone sounded defeated, as if she felt helpless. I quickly kissed the tip of her nose before caressing her face with my hands.

"You've had a long day, your body has been through a lot. It's okay for you to be tired." I draped my arm around her shoulders while she snaked hers around my back as I helped her out of the bathroom and over to our bed. She winced in pain as she sat down on the edge of the bed. I carefully reached down to take ahold of her ankles, lifting them up gently and placing them on the bed so she was laying down. I leaned down and kissed her forehead before climbing into bed next to her on the other side. I slowly moved my fingertips across her soft skin as she quietly drifted off to sleep. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared about her potentially having a nightmare. One of the medications she had been put on had listed night terrors as a main side effect. The threat of a medication induced night terror combined with the already terrifying nightmares she had been having since the incident with Lucas scared the shit out of me. I watched her intently as she slept, trying to peek into her subconscious to make sure everything was safe. It killed me that I couldn't protect her from her own mind while she slept.

I continued watching her for several hours for no reason other than to make sure she was okay. At one point I gently brushed my thumb across her cheekbone, enjoying the way her soft skin felt beneath my fingers. The softest smile spread across her lips. I pulled my hand away from her face and tucked it under my pillow as I continued to gaze at her lovingly as I laid on my side.

"I love you, Shawn," she quietly mumbled in her sleep. I smiled and whispered a quiet "I love you too" before letting myself drift off to sleep. From the things she was saying in her sleep, I had a good feeling that I didn't have to worry about any nightmares tonight—only the sweetest of dreams.