There's No Way

Honesty

[Camila's POV]

It had been two months since my first appointment with Penelope, and honestly I felt like I was making a ton of progress - and according to her, she felt the same. Shawn also had mentioned that he could tell it was helping, however we still hadn't gone any further in bed. I started to feel somewhat guilty about how long it was taking me to go all the way with him but he always made sure I knew that he was willing to wait for when I was ready. I brought it up one morning as we were laying in bed.

"Sorry it's taking me so long," I said shyly, my voice slightly laced with guilt.

"Hm?" he questioned as his hands lazily played with my hair.

"You know what I'm talking about," I responded plainly. Shawn placed his hands on either side of my face, bringing my face to his - our noses brushing against each other.

"Hey, stop apologizing. The things that you went through..." he paused, taking a deep breath before continuing his sentence. "...I don't know the details of what happened, but I know that someone doesn't go through something like that and then magically be healed and ready to go the next day. It's a process and I want to help you heal, no matter how much time you need." He placed a quick kiss to the tip of my nose before yawning and stretching his arms out. "Besides, I'm a pretty big fan of what we have been doing..." he said with a wink. I reached over and swatted his chest with my hand, my face turning red with embarrassment at his words as he laughed.

----

Later that evening, I was sitting in Penelope's office once again. We spent most of the session talking about Shawn and how incredibly caring and patient he was being with me. I felt like I was rambling, but I couldn't help it. It was much easier for me to talk about how incredible Shawn is than the rape. I told Penny about the conversation Shawn and I had earlier that day, noticing her brow furrowing when I quoted the part where Shawn mentioned that he didn't know many details of that night.

"Camila, how much does Shawn know about that night? I mean, not just what he saw - what have you told him?" she asked me. I sat there for a moment raking my brain trying to remember what all I had told him.

"I-I guess I haven't told him anything..." I responded. "I mean, he knows who did it but he figured that out on his own," I sighed. "Now that I think about it, anything he knows he only knows because of context clues...we've never really talked about it," I said, shrugging my shoulders nonchalantly.

"Would you feel comfortable talking to him about it?" she asked. I sat silently for a moment, unsure of my answer. "Let me put it this way," she continued. "Our first appointment, when you told me everything that had happened...you told the story with quite a bit of detail. Would you have felt comfortable enough to do that if Shawn would've been in the room, too?" she questioned.

"Yes," I said confidently. "In fact, there were a few times during that first appointment I almost asked if he could come back just so I would feel better," I admitted. Penelope smiled at me before reaching forward and placing her hand gently on my knee.

"I think you should talk to him, Camila." I took a deep breath and felt my eyes start to tear up. She was right, he needed to know. And if I do file a police report and this whole thing ends up going to court, I'm going to have to give an extremely detailed statement of what happened anyways. I'd rather he hear it from me privately first before I tell a room full of complete strangers.

"Ok, I'll talk to him," I responded. 

"Just promise me one thing, Camila..." Penny added. I looked up at her and nodded. "Promise me you won't blame yourself again? I know you try to take responsibility for what happened to you, but just please remember that you didn't do anything to deserve what he did to you," she finished. 

"I promise," I said with a quick nod.

We finished our session and I walked back out into the waiting room to see Shawn sitting on one of the couches, waiting patiently on his phone. He looked up at me when he heard the door open, sliding his phone into his pocket.

"Ready to go?" he asked. I smiled and nodded before grabbing his hand as we walked out.

----

Suddenly we were already getting ready to go to sleep and I still hadn't talked to him yet. I had made a deal with myself that I was going to do it as soon as we got home from Penelope's office, but I got too nervous and talked myself out of it. That same thing happened a few more times and before I knew it the day was ending and we still hadn't talked. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, stripping myself of my clothes and slipping on one of Shawn's old t-shirts (which fit more like a nightgown on me) before slowly opening the door from the bathroom to the bedroom. My heart fluttered when I saw Shawn sitting on the edge of the bed in nothing but a pair of his gray sweatpants. I made my way over to the bed and sat down in front of him. He reached over and plugged his phone into the charger on the nightstand before bringing his attention back to me.

"Sup, cutie?" he said as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me onto his lap. I brushed a couple stray curls out of his face and let out a nervous sigh.

"Can we talk?" I asked. I immediately noticed the panic cross his face. "I'm not breaking up with you, I promise,"  I said reassuringly, giving him a quick peck on the lips to confirm what I had said. 

"Thank god," he sighed in relief.

"Um, this morning when we were talking...you mentioned the fact that you don't know many of the details of what happened..." I spoke nervously, looking down at my lap and twiddling my thumbs. He noticed my nervousness and placed his hand over both of mine, successfully calming me down. "Can I tell you?" I asked. He swallowed hard and brushed a thumb across my cheek.

"If you're ready to talk, I'm ready to listen," he said honestly.