Habits (MGK FanFic)

Chapter two: Colson

I ran my finger through my hair, trying to get myself together. "Lillian Donovan, you better be fucking ready cause we can't be late for this shit." I call into the bedroom.

All day long she's been abnormally tired. It's the pregnancy. That and she stressed over tonight, hoping it will take some of the stress off me. Which in turn causes me to worry about her and the baby. I wanted them to be proud of me. I want my son to one day look up at me and be proud to call me his father. Tonight would be one of those moments in my career that could raise me up or knock me down.
Once I'm calm enough to start heading there I walk into the bedroom. I see Lily's head turned away from me. She's turned on her side in the bed, trying to hide the fact that she's sneaking in another nap. Fuck, I hate having to wake her but we gotta be there within the hour.

"Lily, baby, we gotta go." I touch her shoulder only to have her fall onto her back limply. One hand lazily falling onto her baby bump.

My body froze as I looked at her pale face. She looked almost grey. My eyes scanned her body seeing the darkened color of her jeans.

"NO!" I shout out in a strangled cry. My hands fumbling for my phone, shaking as my fingers shaking punch in the number. "Please fucking stay with me, babe."

"911, what's your emergency?"

"My girl....my baby." I stutter out as my fingers try to find a pulse. "I can't get her to wake up. Fuck. She's six months pregnant."

"Sir, tell us your location...." her voice tunes out in my head.

It's like my whole body goes into autopilot. I don't remember the rest of the call or how much time passed by the time the paramedics came. I don't snap back to reality until I hear my phone ringing as we start to ride away in the ambulance.

"Kells, where the fuck are you man?" Rook's voice greets me as I answer the call.

I let out a shaky breath. "On the way to the hospital."

"What's going on?" Concern drilling through his voice. "Are you okay? No.....fuck no.......Lily?"

The paramedics work on setting up the IV and heart monitor. There's still no color in her skin. She looks cold, like she's made of porcelain. One tiny move and she could shatter.

"She......" I choke up, unable to finish the sentence.

"We'll meet you at the hospital." He says before hanging up.

Shock takes over my body again. Next thing I know I'm watching as they rush her down the hallway into surgery. I collapse onto the floor, letting everything hit me. I sobbed, unable to move from that spot. I prayed not knowing if God was even listening to me. That's where I stayed until my crew dragged me to the waiting room.

No one said anything to me. No empty promises that everything will be okay. None of us knew how to process what was happening.
I felt it in my gut. I knew the news before the doctor came to confirm it. There was nothing to say when he confirmed that we lost the baby.
My feet carried me like a zombie to Lily's room. She still looked pale as she laid on the bed, so many fucking wires around her. There was still a bump there. I hadn't known what to expect. It wasn't as firm as it had been only hours before this.

I wanted her to wake up. I couldn't though, she had to rest. A part of me dreaded her waking up. I'd have to break the news to her. I was going to have to watch as I ripped her heart out of her chest. It's all my fucking fault.
She was here because of me.

"Don't fucking call him a pussy for not showing up to night. He just lost his fucking son!" Slim yelled into his phone as he paced the hallway outside the room.

I stepped out of the room, seeing him hang up the phone. "People calling me a pussy?"
He gripped my shoulder, looking me into the eyes. "We'll handle the press, man. You worry about ya girl."

A group starts walking towards us. I felt anger rise as I saw who was the leader of this little gang.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me right now." I say, blood boiling. "Now is not the time for this shit."

Eminem just stared at me, no emotion on his face. His head slowly turns, looking into Lily's room. He takes in the slight before him before going back to study my face. "I came to talk."

"Dude, can't you fucking respect his privacy?" Slim him.

"Fine. Talk." I cross my arms over my chest, jaw clenched.

"In private."

Slim tried to protest, but stopped when I shook my head. Eminem and I walked down the hall, going into a vacant hospital room. He shuts the door behind us.

As soon as the door closes, I yell at him. "What? Come down here to see if I was lying about this shit?"

"Hit me." Is all he says.

This pisses me off even more. "Now you're trying to get me on assault charges? I'm not in the mood for this shit."

He shakes his head. "You need to let out your rage before your girl wakes up. Lily? Right?"

I couldn't stop myself. My fist connected with his face, knocking him back. "Keep her name out of your mouth."

My fists didn't stop him from talking. Every sentence landing another punch. "That's it, let it out. When she wakes up, you gotta be there for her. You can't bottle up all these emotions. Take it out on me."

I kept punching him until I lost it. I sink into the hospital bed, sobbing into my hands. Everything sinking in. That numbness from shock wearing off.

Eminem took a seat next to me, rubbing my back as I cried. "You two are gonna get through this. It's gonna eat at both of you until you can move on. It will get better, man. Eventually you'll be at peace with this."

"That was my little boy." I cried, thinking of how I never even got to hold him.

I don't know how long we sat there. He kept comforting me as I let it all out. After a while I stood up, knowing that I needed to get back to everyone.

"Why did you come comfort me?" I asked the older man.

"Cause I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy." He says.

"Thanks, man. For everything." I said, shaking his hand.

"We're good, man. If you need anything. Let me know. Don't bottle up this shut man. It'll kill ya."

I didn't say anything else. Instead I went back to Lily's room. Her hand felt so cold in my warm one. The steady beeping of the heart monitor comforted me in the fact that she was still alive. I still have her.

"I fucking love you." I whisper to her. "You're all I've got, babe."