Habits (MGK FanFic)

Chapter 8: Colson

"Tucking hell, man." Pete said, collapsing down onto the couch.

Pete's always been one of my best friends. He's always been there whenever I've needed him. This time he was at a loss for how to be there for me, just like everyone else. I know how badly they wanted to shove me into a rehab facility. It would be the best option. I'd destroy everything I worked for though. As long as I stayed mostly clean, I still had a record deal. If this gets out that's all gone.

"She had a fucking needle in her arm, man." Pete sighed.

I ran my hands through my hair. "It's all my fault. I'm killing her."

"Don't think like that," Pete says. "You guys just need to figure out how to sort things out. You'll get past this. It just takes time."

"I love her and I keep on destroying her." I tell him.

He doesn't say anything, instead he just puts a hand on my back. Pete wanted to tell me that I needed to talk to her. Just like the others have been wanting all along. I can't do it though. It's so hard to look at her broken face knowing that I'm the reason that she's so fragile. That I'm the reason she cries herself to sleep. I may as well have shoved that fucking needle into her arm myself last night.

"Colson?" Lily comes into the room. She hesitantly walks over to me. 

Pete pulls her onto his lap, hugging onto her tightly. "Don't ever scare the shit out of me again."

She started to stroke his short brown hair. Lily didn't say anything. It seemed almost as if the two started to have only a conversation with their eyes as they stared at each other. I felt so alone despite then being right next to me. Alone and empty.

Suddenly Lily moves onto my lap. She runs her hands along my jawline. I clench my jaw as she does this. Her fingers dance over my high cheek bones. Finally she brushes the hair out of my eyes, forcing me to look at her.

"My head hurts." She says.

"Oh, Lily, baby." I sigh, pulling her close to me. "The pain will stop soon."

"It didn't last night." She mutters looking away from me.

I don't say anything. I felt as if she slapped me across the face. She was hurting even more after last night. Last night practically destroyed her. It could've killed her. It's a miracle she survived.

The others took their time packing our suitcases. We didn't know how long we were gonna be gone for. The invitation to stay at the Mulaneys was open ending. The longest I've stayed in New York has been two weeks. This was most likely gonna be much longer. There was no gigs during this time. It was going to be as if we were a regular couple. Perhaps that's just what we needed.

—-

The next day we got to New York early in the afternoon. Our flight was hounded with paparazzi, as to be expected with everything going on. The three of us remained quiet as we made our way through the city.

"Welcome, come on in." John Mulaney said, opening the door to his apartment wide for us.

Their apartment was a decent size. I was used to living in hotels and occasionally getting to go home. John and his wife had made this their cozy little home. It was clean, but still slightly junky. Nothing smelled like booze, weed, or cigarettes, unlike our home.

"Thank you for letting us stay here." Lily said to the couple.

"Of course, you guys need to get away from everything and let's be honest everyone only things I'm Pete Davidson's friend." John jokes, pointing to the framed news article behind him of a SNL Weekend Update sketch where the journalist had no clue that John himself was a stand up comedian.

"I'm staying for dinner." Pete says, going to make himself home on the couch. Clearly he was comfortable here.

"Let me show you guys your room." Anna, John's wife, said.

We followed her down the hall to a room at the end. She gave us a small tour of the three bedroom two bathroom apartment. The guest room we'd be staying with was done in soft neutral colors. Everything smelled like vanilla. After showing us our room, Anna left to allow us to unpack.

"It smells like a sugar factory in here." Lily speaks up now that we are alone.

I can't remember the last time we were alone in a room together like this. It was just the two of us.

Together we unpacked our suitcases, dancing around one another. I didn't say anything as she pulled my pink sweatshirt out of my suitcase, taking it out and breathing in the scent on it. Lily looks up at me with questioning eyes. I step closer to her, helping her put the sweatshirt on.

"I think you pull of the pink better." She says, looking at me mirror.

"You're beautiful." I tell her, meaning every bit of that. Even at her lowest she looked beautiful. 

Lily shakes her head before leaving the room to go join the others in the living room. I take my time following her, unsure if I really wanted to be around anyone. My hands were shaking.  It's been twenty four hours since I've had anything in my system. I hated how dependent I had already become to needing a fix. That wasn't possible though. That's why I was here, to not be able to do anything.

"Colson?" Pete asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.

Lily quickly looks to me, almost as if she expects me to break down right there.

"Who wants to help me cook dinner?" Anna says, breaking up the moment.

"Lily can only cook like four things that don't include a microwave. I'd trust Colson more." Pete said. "He's the only one slightly decent in the kitchen."

With a solemn nod, I follow Anna into the kitchen. She gives me instructions on what to start on. I help her prep and cut the vegetables, cutting the onions in thicker pieces so that Lily could easily pick them out. Small things like that were easy. I could do the small things for her. I just didn't know how to be there for her.

"Thanks for doing all this." I told her as we placed the enchiladas into the oven.

Anna squeezes my hand. "You're good to Pete. When he called, wanting to know what to do, there wasn't really a choice. He's terrified of losing you two. I don't know what's all going on, nor do I think it's any of my business. I just want you guys to know that there are people that care about you and that you need to think about them."

"Emma stopped allowing me to see Casie. Lily doesn't know. She doesn't think I'm stable enough to be around my own fucking kid." I admit.

"Do you think you're stable enough to be around her?" She asks me.

I looked into the living room, seeing Lily make small talk with Pete and John. "No, but I need to make sure she's okay. Emma won't even let me talk to her on the phone."

"Give it a week." Anna assures me. "One week of being sober might help out."

The sad thing is, I can't remember the last time I was fully sober.