Habits (MGK FanFic)

Chapter 14: Colson

My arm was draped over Lily's chair. I gently played with her hair as everyone went over the scripts for a table reading. She was ignoring me as her eyes flickered across the page, reading over the skit. Nervously, she kept chewing on the end of a pen.

"I've got something else to nibble on." I lean in to whisper to her.

She placed a hand on my leg, giving me a warning squeeze. "Behave."

"Ugh." I groan. "I'm bored."

"You could go rehearse until it's time for you to read through your sketch." She suggests.

I'd agreed to do a sketch with her. In it, she was a leading lady on the bachelorette and I was one of the contestants. She falls for Chad in the sketch but then ends up settling for me after he leaves her. I wasn't okay with her and Pete kissing in this sketch, but I knew it wouldn't mean anything.

"You're so beautiful." I whisper in her ear, enjoying riling her up.

"You're annoying." She responds, biting her lip softly. Lily knew exactly what she was doing.

I groan. "Dirty games you're playing here."

"Dunno what you're talking about, Gunner." She rubs my cheek before turning back to the comedians in the room. "Im really excited for the Celebrity Family Feud sketch."

That was probably going to be my favorite sketch. In the sketch it's SNL "cast members" versus host and musicians. In the sketch John Mulaney was playing Pete Davidson and Lily was Kate McKinnon. I was playing Eminem in the sketch, a fact that the real Slim Shady joked that he'd kick my ass if I made him out to be a little bitch in it.

Aidy Bryant rushes into the room all of a sudden. She'd had an appointment so she hadn't come in yet. Lots of squealing happened as she chatted to Kate and Cecily. I couldn't understand what they were saying, nor did I care. I was more distracted with brushing through Lily's hair."

"Okay, guys, so I have an announcement." Aidy says, smiling brightly. "I'm pregnant."

The room cheered, everyone getting up to hug her. Lily stiffened beside me. Her hands shaking. Light reflected off the tears forming in her eyes.

"I'll be back." She whispers before running out of the room.

Aidy looks at me in question. I shrug, trying to ignore the right feeling in my chest. I couldn't even congratulate her as I quickly went to follow my girlfriend. I went into our dressing room. She was sitting by the window, shaking as she tried not to cry. Coming up behind her, I wrapped my arms around her waist, looking over her shoulder at the street.

"I don't know why I'm upset." She whispers. "I'm happy for her. I really am."

"It's fine to be upset." I told her. "I couldn't even congratulate her. My test feels tight."

Lily brushes away one of her tears. "It was supposed to be us. We were gonna have a beautiful boy in just two months. Now it's like everyone else's life is moving forward but ours."

My boy. That's why my chest hurt. Thinking of the little boy I wasn't going to have hurt. I wasn't going to see Lily get to be a mother to our child. Sure she treated Casie like her own, but it wasn't the same. She wasn't around for when Casie was little.

"I miss him." I tell her. "Every day I miss feeling him when I hold you. It fucking kills me inside that we don't have him anymore. I don't think we aren't moving forward. I think we are going on a different direction."

"Don't leave me." She turns in my arms to face me. "I can't lose you too."

I hold her tightly, crushing her against me. "I'm only still breathin' cause you're here."

There's a knock on the already opened door. Aidy steps in cautiously. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't even thinking when I announced it."

"It's....okay." Lily said trying to think of the right word. "I'm so happy for you. It's just hard for us."

"Congratulations, Aidy." I said. "Enjoy all of it. You and your husband are going to have a great journey."

"Thank you guys." She says. "I'm so sorry if I brought up anything."

Lily shook her head. "Go celebrate with everyone. We'll rejoin you in just a few."

Aidy apologized again before leaving us alone. I kept holding tightly onto Lily. She softly cried into my chest. I didn't cry. Not this time. Instead I just kept stroking her hair, staring out the window.

"I had hoped that he would've looked just like you." She whispers. "I wanted a mini Colson so badly."

"I know, babe." I sigh. "Fuck I wanted that too. A perfect combination of the two of us."

Lily looks up at me. Her eyes red from crying. I brush away the last of her tears. "I just wanted us to be a family."

"Lily, we are a family." I assure her. "No matter what you've got me. You've got Rook, Slim, Dun, Baze, Ash, Pete and so many more people that would do anything in the world for you. I'm not going anywhere."

"Forever?" She asked in a small voice.

"Always, babe. You are stuck with me." I assure her.

It was in that moment that I knew I needed to prove that to her. I needed to show her I wasn't ever gonna go anywhere. My mind thought back to that velvet box that was at the bottom of my guitar case. I've had the ring for almost a year now. It just never felt like it was the right time.

Right now I knew I couldn't propose at the moment. I did know that soon would be the right time. A time to fully commit to her, leaving no doubts in her mind. I've got her name tattooed on me, I was hers already. I can't imagine my life without her.

I wanted to marry the fuck out of this girl.

"I've got mascara on my shirt." She groans, looking down at her white shirt.

"I think I've got another one in my bag." I tell her, going over to my stuff. Sure enough I found a clean shirt, handing it to her.

She doesn't bother going to the bathroom to change. Instead I watch as she strips off her shirt on puts on mine. The black EST shirt I gave her was still a little big on her. She looked in the mirror, analyzing how she looked.

"I love you in my clothes." I tell her, pulling her away from the mirror and her doubts. "It's a claim. Shows every mother fucker that you're mine."

She cups my cheeks in her hands. "Always yours."