Habits (MGK FanFic)

Chapter 6: Colson

Adrenaline courses through my veins. My body urging to rage. Performing gave me a high that rules my existence. I shifted from one foot to the other backstage as I psyched myself up for the show. I could hear the crowd going crazy as my name was being announced.
I looked back, expecting Lily to be standing right behind me, a smile on her face. Instead I was greeted with nothing. She wasn't there. For the first time I could remember since being with her, she wasn't going to watch. My chest clinched at this.
They announced my name again, shaking me out of my thoughts. I slapped myself hard across the face before mustering up a smirk. Sprinting out onto the stage the crowd went crazy.
"All these Cleveland mother fuckers comin' our to see two skinny white men rap." I say into the mic. "Who would've thought you'd pay money for that shit right?"
The crowd laughs at this. I nod at Eminem who was watching from backstage before throwing myself into the first song of the set.
This crowd was fucking great. They knew how to keep you hyped. From one song to the next they sang the lyrics back to me. I danced around the stage, making faces at my boys while I rapped. Raging was what I did best.
The music to my next song started to play. I started my part when the note hit right. My eyes close getting into the lyrics that I spewed out. Then the middle of the song came and I started to falter.
Merry Go Round. That's what started to loop in my head. A fucking nightmare playing over and over as I continued on with the lyrics. My voice cracking a bit.
"'He screams on his knees and he sees her hands around her-'" I stop, dropping the microphone from my hands.
I open my eyes but all I can see is Lily laying in our bed, her lifeless body bleeding. The music around me slows to a stop as the entire stadium quiets down. I'm shaking, I can feel it. My fingers run through my hair, gripping the blonde strands tightly. I tug on them, trying to pull these emotions from my body.
"Kells," Dub tried to usher me off the stage as a mourner over takes the crowd.
No one says anything as we go back to the trailer. I head to the back, going to my red duffle. I didn't cry as I searched through the bag. There was nothing left to shed. Need overtook new as I dumped the duffle onto the bed. Need to get rid of everything. Everything needing to fade away. 
"Fuck!" I shouted as I couldn't find the small black leather bag. "Fuckkkk fuck fuck."
"Yo, Kells, what's wrong?" Dub rushed into the room.
"Who the fuck came in here before the gig?" I yell at him.
"What's gone?" He asks. "No one but Lily came in here."
My blood ran cold. My body vibrated hard as I started to shake. I took a couple of shaky breaths trying to comprehend the fact that she probably had it, knowing what was in that bag. She knows of my past addictions. She knows everything about me. Lily found the bag.
"She's leaving new." The words left a bitter taste in my mouth.
Dub grabbed ahold of my shoulders, trying to hold me upright. "Nah, man, she's at home waiting for you. She's not gonna leave you."
I shook my head. "My Lily is leaving me."
"Let's get you home, Kells. She's in bed, most likely sleeping off her drunkness." He pulls me towards the front of the trailer.
I kept muttering that she was leaving me as we headed home. My whole body shaking. I couldn't shake the coldness.
Every light was on in the house. Both of our personal cars were still parked out front. That should reassure me that she hadn't left. It didn't settle the nerves though. I flung myself out of the car as it was still pulling up to the house. Falling roughly onto the driveway, I ignore the pain as I force myself up off the ground. Everyone shouted after me as I sprinted towards the house as quickly as I could.
"Lily!" I scream as I run through the house, looking for her.
I ran into our bedroom, hearing a noise coming from our bathroom. I'm shaking again as I walk toward the en-suite. The brunette was wrapped around the toilet. Her hair covering her face as she hovered over the toilet. I had seen this sight over the course of our relationship, especially over the last couple of months. This was different though. This time there was a needle hanging from her vein as her left arm hung from her side.
"Fuck." Rook cried out, rushing past me to her side.
I just stood there frozen in the doorway, watching our friends as they rushed towards her taking in the scene. Rook quickly tossed needle from her arm across the room. He pushed on the skin around her vein as if he hoped to bleed it out of her. Ashleigh held back Lily's hair as she started to retch into the toilet. Slim rubbed her back, whispering soothing words to her. Lily coughed hard into the toilet, sobbing out in pain as she does so.
"What have you done?" Rook asks me as he holds the love of my life's hand. Tears poured down his cheeks, hair falling into his eyes that flared at me. Ever since they had met, he had adopted her as his little sister. He loved her. They all did. And I was fucking killing her.
"We should take her to a hospital." Ashleigh says, streaking Lily's hair as she shook into the toilet.
"N....nnoooo." Lily croaked out. "No hospital. No press."
The press would have a field day of this considering my past addiction with heroin. I could lose everything from this. That's what Lily meant. If she went and this was leaked it would destroy me.
"What do we do then?" Ash asks, unsure if this is the right decision.
"There's nothing we can do. She just has to ride it out." I hated the robotic tone my voice was coated in.
The fresh mark on her arm was all I could look at. I may as well have shoved that needle into her fucking arm myself. Just like everything good and pure in my life, I had to destroy her as well. A strong fierce woman brought down to the lowest she could go, falling though the glass. She kept shattering. I kept hitting.
I pushed myself away from the doorway. I walked out of the bedroom seeing a light on in the room next door. The only thing that bad need touched in this room was the crumbled blue onesie that lay on the floor. Lily was in here. Neither of us had gotten the courage to come in here for the last month. She had to be reminded of the life that we weren't gonna have.
My hand took ahold of the crib, using all of my strength to hurdle it toward the wall. Wood splintered as it made contact, breaking apart as it crashed to the ground. An inhuman growl took over me as I tearing apart anything my hands could grab on to. The muffled sound of Lily's sobs cheered me on as I destroyed everything around me. I tore the mobile down from the ceiling.
The little glass figures shatter as they hit the ground. I sank onto the floor, scrambling to save one little whale. I gently wrapped my hands around the only one that didn't break. Softly kissing it, I cried over it.