Habits (MGK FanFic)

Chapter 5: Lily

The boys were raging. This was the first pregig sesh that they've been able to have in months. Another thing that was my fault. I don't know when Colson started drinking today. I hadn't seen him until the party started. He was throwing back shots, a dark smirk across his face.
"C'mere," he pulls me to him roughly.
I lean into him, enjoying the comfort I felt. "What's your poison?"
Colson flinched slightly before smirking at me. "Whatever you want, babe."
This led to me taking four body shots off of him. On the last shot, I looked up searching for the lime to chase the tequila. Colson winked at me before opening his mouth to show the lime balancing on his tongue. From the moment that we grew close to one another I knew that he could taste the tequila off of me. It's all over too quickly. I suddenly have the lime in my mouth and he's walking away from me.
I walked over to the table. Pulling the baggie out of my phone case, I used an old hotel room keycard to cut up the powder into thick lines. My fingers quickly worked to roll up the first bill my fingers could find from my wallet. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath before snorting the lines like my life depended on it. The taste from the coke and tequila didn't mix well in my stomach. I shrugged it off though as I light up a joint. Everything hit me all at once.
"Lily?" Rook caught me as I started to spin.
I booped him on the nose. "You caught me!"
"Shit. Where's Kells?" He asks me.
"Who the fuck knows?" I giggle. "Not me. Not anymore."
With the level of high and drunk I was, nothing could be held back. The world was spinning. I was only capable of laughing. There were no tears for once. I was on top of the world.
"Damn it, Lily. What did you take?"
"Depends on what you have for me next." I laugh, wrapping my arms around him. "You'll take care of me right, Rookie?"
He looks into my eyes. "Lily, you know I've gotcha. Everyone's gotcha. Kells-"
I cut him off, shaking my head violently. "He hates me. It's fine. I hate me. It's all fine cause I feel nothing.......nothing at all.......I'm numb.......bye bye feelings."
"Fucking hell," Rook pulls me closer into him. He starts to walk us through the crowded trailer to the back room. "You and Kells need to sit down and chat." 
I bury my head into the crook of his neck. "Will you still care about me when he leaves me?"
Rook jerks back from me. "What are you talking about?"
At that moment the door to the back room opens to have Colson exiting. He pulls down the sleeves of his hoodie before coming over to us.
"Everything okay?" He asks.
"Boys, it's showtime!" Ashleigh says as she walks up.
The world kept spinning. I grabbed onto Colson. "Knock 'em dead, Gunner."
"You're coming to watch right?" Hurt fills those icy blue eyes. I had watched almost all of his shows since we got together. In the past he always loved being able to see me watching from the side of the stage.
"I think I need to go to bed." I touch my head, trying to get the spinning to stop. "Home. I wanna go home."
"Lily, just stay for a bit." Rook pleads.
"The driver will take me. I just need to lay down." 
Colson kisses my forehead. "Get some rest and don't forget your purse. It's in the back with my duffle."
I went into the back room as the other left. Folsom's red duffle bag was in the closet along with my purse. I grabbed my purse before going to grab the duffle. My coke was gone. Colson probably had some in here, and maybe a couple of joints already rolled. I don't think my fingers could handle trying to roll shit right now. I go through the bag until I find something.
The black makeup bag was something that was never in his duffle before. Many a times I've grabbed things from this bag, this has never been one. I carefully unzip it, unsure of what I'll find. My eyes widen at the needles and bagged substance.
"Miss Page, are you ready for me to take you home?" Our driver, Leo, asks from the doorway of the room.
I quickly zip the bag back up. "Yes please."
Before leaving with him I throw the black makeup bag into my purse. I knew that I should stay here at the show, that I should watch as he performs. Afterwards I should confront him about this. Talk to him. Those are things I should do. With my current state, I couldn't do that anymore.
The closer we got to the house Colson and I shared, the more my high started to falter. I tried another joint, hoping it would bring me back up. Nope. Didn't work. I could feel the darkest thoughts reaching out to me.
"Have a good night, Leo." I called to him, hoping out of the car as soon as he parked. I went upstairs, searching every drawer for coke or pills on my way up to the bedroom.
Something stopped me in my search. I walked into the room feeling a dark chill rush over my skin. I didn't turn on the light. Instead I continued to let the moonlight fill the room. A layer of dust now collected onto the furniture. I looked at the little whale mobile above the crib. I'd spent hours arguing with Colson about it. He hated the wales, wanting something cooler. Eventually I won him over with letting him pick out what our son would be leaving the hospital in. 
The onesie Colson picked laid out on the crib. A blue outfit with EST written all over it. A customized onesie that was soft enough for a newborn but still represented what he was gonna be. Was. I dropped the outfit onto the floor. He was supposed to wear that. Now my little boy would never get to.
I quickly backed out of the nursery, practically running into the bedroom. Tears started to fall down my cheeks as the feelings started to consume me. My hands shook as I tried to find something in my purse to take. Something to get rid of this pain.
The black bag. It called out to me. I pulled it into the bathroom with me, sitting down on the marble floor. The cool porcelain of the bathtub soothes me as I leaned against it. My hands shook as I prepped the needle. The voice in my head screaming at me. It was easy to drown out though.
I took a deep breath before plunging the needle in.