Ten Thousand Hours

Chapter 4

My prof emailed me that meron daw na introduction bukas because mag kakaroon ng groupings where kailangan namin na makilala ang isa't isa to be able na magawa yung project na yun. I response okay.

Pero naisip ko na bakit may project agad? Eh parang kakasimula ng school year may pa-ganon agad?

Before I used to be so confident on introducing myself. I am so confident na humarap sa maraming tao. Kasi alam ko na okay ako, inside and out. But now? It feels so different. Para akong kinakain ng takot at kaba. First time ko nalang 'to ulit gagawin. And I can tell na hindi ako confident enough para sa mga ganito. I am still gaining my confidence back.

Syempre, nahihirapan ako at nahihiya. Buti na nga lang tumubo na ulit yung mga hair ko. It suddenly gave me confidence kahit papaano. Tho, hanggang balikat palang siya but still, it counts. Nakalbo kasi ako when I started doing my chemotherapy. All of my body hair was removed and hindi tumutubo. Dahil 'yon sa tapang ng gamot. Pinapatay niya yung mga cells. Including good and bad cells, kaya ganun.

I have some dark lines at my hand. Yun yung mga nasunog na ugat due to chemotherapy. Sa tapang kasi ng gamot, sa 1st chemo mo, talagang di maiiwasan yun. And eventually, it became a scars. Scars na hindi ko ikinakahiya.

Because those scars symbolizes how strong I am.

Buti nalang din talaga I gained weight nung nag pa-practice ako sa artificial feet ko. Kakailanganin ko pala yung mga tabang 'to sa lakas ng katawan. Well, kung hindi ka sanay, talagang mabubugbog ka sa college life.

Nung nasa ospital ako, I never got awkward going around and smiling to each and every person na makita ko. Kasi I know, somehow they understands me. They know kung ano yung pinag dadaanan ko.

Pero ngayon, I should be the one who's gonna make more understanding. Kasi hindi lahat alam yung pinag dadaanan ko so kailangan kong umintindi.

It's not a selfish and stupid things to do. It's just that, ako yung mas nakakaalam diba? So bakit ko pa pahihirapan yung sarili ko kung pwede ko namang intindihin? :)

Ni-ready ko na yung mga gamit ko na kakailanganin bukas. Hinahanda ko na talaga sa gabi yung mga gamit ko, ayoko kasi na may scene ako kinabukasan na natataranta at nagugulantang kasi hindi pa organized ang lahat. I'm not fond of filipino time and style. We should be more efficient sa mga ganitong bagay pa lang.

Kararating ko palang ngayon dito sa room at hingal na hingal ako. Napagod ako 'no! Ang layo nito sa dorm ko. Lakad gaming lang naman ang ginawa ko.

Habang papalapit ako sa upuan ko I can sense yung mga matang nakatingin sakin ngayon. Nahihiwagaan siguro sila sa babaeng may tungkod at may mask sa mukha.

I used mask because it was recommended by my doctor. To avoid yung mga sakit na pwede akong mahawa, I should use mask para mas malakas ako.

Parang unti-unti narin akong nasanay sa mga ganyan. Dalawang uri ng mata lang meron yan,

It's either naiintindihan ka niyan or hinuhusgahan ka.

Pero deadma nalang, wala naman yang magandang maidudulot sakin.

When I finally got to settled down. Ni-relax ko muna yung sarili ko. I composed myself. Kung sinong mas composed, yun ang panalo.

Ilang minutes ang nakalipas dumating narin yung prof ko. Everyone seated on their respective chairs. My gosh! Bakit ba ako sobrang kinakabahan! Para akong bumabalik sa elemetary.

"I emailed each on of you to inform what will happen today. So, I must expect that you've prepared worthy introduction of yourself." He said. Gosh. They way our prof said that? It gives me goosebumps.

He started saying our names and pag tinawag ka, turn mo na.

"Hanna Gandler." He said. OMG. It's my turn.

I stand up and speak.

"Hi, Goodmorning. I am Hanna Gandler, 20 years old. I'm from Cavite. I know you guys are wondering why I have a cane and I am wearing mask. It's because I have a cancer, bone cancer to be exact. Mask is recommended by my doctor to protect myself. But due to cancer, my doctors had to cut my feet to save my life. So I am using this artificial feet to be able to walk. That's why I have a cane. Because I am still practicing it. I had to use it as my balance. So, I hope to get along with all of you. Thank you."