Sinamahan ako ni Dwight dito sa hospital. We were talking kasi kanina and nahilo ako. I felt pain in my head. At first, I kept denying it. Pero hindi siya naniwala. Because he can see the pain on how I react. So, he decided to brought me here.
I'm already done with my examinations. Blood, x-ray and ct-scan. The doctor recommended it when he found out that I had a cancer because of my previous hospital records. I felt something was wrong.
I told Dwight to not tell it to anyone muna, lalo na kay Dave. I know he'll get worried and hindi na mapapakali yun. And I know kung ano pa yung mga pwedeng gawin nang lalaking yun.
"Dwight. I'm scared." I said. He look and hold my hand. "It'll be fine. The results will come out soon." He said. Tumango tango lang ako. Hindi naman ito yung iniisip ko diba?
Ilang minuto ang nakalipas, pumasok na ang doctor. I trying to be calm, but I-I just can't.
"Do you always go to the hospital to get checked up?" He asked. I nodded at him. "Yes, Doc. I'm always present interms of my check up's schedule." Ani ko. Tumango lang siya sakin.
"I'm sorry, but it's a bad news." He said. Agad akong mas kinabahan. A-ano ba 'to? Uulit na naman ba ako?
Dwight hold my hands. Napatingin ako sa kanya. He mouthed, "It's okay. I'm here."
"P-po? A-ano pong ibig niyong sabihin?" Nauutal kong tanong. Hindi na ako makapag salita ng maayos dahil sa kaba at takot na nararamdaman ko sa mga oras na 'to.
"The results of your CT-Scan says that there is a tumor in your lungs. And it is located at the very dangerous place." He said. A-ano?
Tuluyan na akong naiyak. Ito na naman. Babalik na naman ako sa dati. I've been there! I felt so much pain and I don't want to experience it again. Hindi pa ba sapat yung noon?
Why? Why do I have to live in this way?
"M-magagawan pa naman po ng paraan diba? K-kung kailangan ko pong mag chemotherapy, I'll do it again." Desperado kong ani. Wala pa ako sa dulo ng mga goals ko. Nag sisimula pa nga lang ako eh. Tapos ito na naman.
"I-I just don't want to die." Ani ko. Naaawa ako sa sarili ko. Awang awa ako sa sarili ko. Biruin mo 'yon? Dumating na ako sa point na nag mamakaawa na ako para sa buhay ko.
"I'm sorry. But I think that won't work." Ani nang doctor. Napatingin kaming dalawa sa kanya.
"Because, based on the placement of the tumor... you had to undergo a surgery to remove it. As soon as possible, we can't just be complacent because your cancer is at stage 4. But," He pause.
"But?" It's Dwight who asked.
"But the survival rate is 50/50." He said.
Mas lalong bumuhos ang mga luha ko.
50/50? Did I even deserve that?
I thought I was okay. I thought I had that green signal to finally live my life again. Akala ko pwede na akong mamuhay ulit. Yes, it's hard. Pero living a life? It's like a blessing you can have for the rest of your lives.
Pero parang kinukuha na agad eh. Hindi ko pa ho nagagamit ng todo. Marami pa po akong gustong gawin. I've already set a goals. But, how can I even finish that?
Minsan, ang buhay talagang nakaka inis.
Naiinis ako kasi binibigyan ako ng pag asa sa mga bagay-bagay. Minsan nga tinutulungan pa akong abutin yun eh. Pero bakit kasi biglang kukunin din agad? Nasa baby steps palang ako oh.
My phone beeps and I saw Dave messaged me.
Mas lalong bumuhos ang mga luha ko. How can I even say this to Dave?
Lalayo ako ulit? Iiwan ko ulit siya?
Noon, panay ang iyak ko nung nalaman ko na may kanser ako. Hindi ko matanggap sa sarili ko. Hindi ko kayang tanggapin. Para naman kasing hindi katanggap-tanggap.
Dwight hands is on my shoulder. Helping me walk. Hindi ako makaisip ng tama at dapat gawin ngayon. I starting to overthink.
Sige, sabihin na natin na nalagpasan ko yung noon?
But what if hindi ko na kayanin ngayon?
Paano na?
YOU ARE READING
Ten Thousand Hours
FanfictionHanna, a normal girl who had a cancer. Cancer made her whole life messed up. But before that happened, she and Dave had something special. Speacial thing that she couldn't imagine she'll lose. But now, they've unexpectedly met and suddenly, Dave w...
