Way Too Deep

Chapter 26😏

"Baby Gurlll"
~Wise words from Dashie"
-Shan No Sugar Coat

Dear diary,

My fault for not writing. I've been busy with school and work. I know I said it once but I promise I'll write more often. Before me and Jah started, dating we were good. Like he wasn't doing the things he's doing now. In the beginning of our relationship he wasn't doing it either until he heard word from some chick that I was with some dude that I don't even know.

Before that day at Lyrics house, I didn't know that man. Have I seen him around? Yes. The only time I've actually talked to him was when he asked if I was good and if I needed a ride home. I declined his offer because I know Jah doesn't like him.

Jah is leaving soon. I keep getting asked if I'm mad about it. Nope. Not at all 'cause like I've been telling everybody else, he's doing it for him and I'ma support his decision. It's not like he's just up and leaving because he wants to.

He has a purpose; to make something of himself. He could've did that out here but he felt like New York has more opportunities. I'm not gonna argue with that because I feel like it does.

The thing that I hate about it is that he's putting our relationship in jeopardy. Why mess up something good? Something so good. I would be good with a long distance relationship. I would be cool with that. Communicate all the time and see each other whenever we can. I'm cool with that. While he's doing his thing out there, I'm a be doing my thing here.

I don't plan on moving anywhere. If all works out with us then he's gonna have to come back here. I'm talking about being married and all that other stuff. Move into my crib too 'cause I'm not moving from here. Even though I'm only 1 month pregnant, I already have names picked out for the genders. If it's a girl, her name is gonna be Kaliyani. It means princess. If it's a boy, his name is going to be Adonis.

I can't wait until I get to find out the gender. I can't wait to go clothes shopping. The money I saved up and the money I got from my dad's traps and his safes in the house, I know will last me until I die. I know once I find out where his other safes are, I'll have more than enough to where my kids kids gonna have millions.

Everything I do now is gonna benefit me and my children. I'm gonna make sure my kids don't have to want for nothing but know the importance of being independent. For them to know that being a materialistic person will get you know where.

I just can't wait. It seems like everything is happening so slow. Like I want to hold my baby already. Kiss my baby. Take pictures. My child was going to hate me the way I'm going to be taking endless pictures.

That's what my house is gonna be filled with. You know that type of house that's known? Like oh 'such and such live there'? That's how my house is gonna be. Have my kids friends walk in the house talking 'bout

"Ma what we having for dinner?"

Not all of them though. 'Cause not everybody is your friend and you gotta be careful. If I have a daughter, I just want her to be careful with her dating choices. I don't want her to have to go through the same bullshit I've went through. Even though unfortunately, heartbreak is to be expected in life.

And with my son, I hope no female tries to hustle my son. I want him to experience genuine love and to be able to love wholeheartedly. My babies not about to be played out.

I just pray no one tries to jump stupid with any of my kids because that'll be the mother fucking day that I'll be sitting behind a jail cell.  And If it's not me then it's King and 'em. That'll be a sight. 'Cause I know for a fact that they not having none of that. Play my daughter or son and watch you be afraid to walk out your house.

I do hope one day, not for me but for my baby. that Naharie will step up and be a father. Every kid needs both their parents in their lives and I don't want to have my child just experience just one.

Unfortunately though, he won't be the one that they call dad. Such is life.

Akashaa Zenn
July 25, 2018
2:24pm