Insomnia // Billie Eilish

Chapter 11

T/W: sexual assault

I called Billie and told her she could come over.

I waited on the front porch for her to show up. "Hey, me and Fin just finished up a new song. You wanna hear it!" she asked.

"Sure." She handed me her phone with the song playing.

I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you think
And if I'm be in' honest
It might've been a nightmare
To anyone who might care
Thought I could fly
So I stepped off the golden, mm
Nobody cried
Nobody even noticed
I saw them standing right there
Kinda thought they might care

I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up, I see
You with me

And you say, "As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you
Don't wanna lie here, but you can learn to
If I could change the way that you see yourself
You wouldn't wonder why you hear 'they don't deserve you'"

I tried to scream
But my head was underwater
They called me weak
Like I'm not just somebody's daughter
Coulda been a nightmare
But it felt like they were right there
And it feels like yesterday was a year ago
But I don't wanna let anybody know
'Cause everybody wants something from me now
And I don't wanna let 'em down

I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up, I see
You with me

And you say, "As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you
Don't wanna lie here, but you can learn to
If I could change the way that you see yourself
You wouldn't wonder why you hear 'they don't deserve you'"

If I knew it all then, would I do it again? Would I do it again?
If they knew what they said would go straight to my head
What would they say instead?
If I knew it all then, would I do it again?
Would I do it again?
If they knew what they said would go straight to my head
What would they say instead?

"It's amazing," I stated. "I love it."

My mom walked into the corridor. "What the hell was that? My ears are bleeding." She put her hand up to her ear. I glared at her before grabbing Billie's wrist, gently tugging at it so she knew to follow me before leading her to my room.

Matt was sitting on his bed. He got a bed frame so at least his bed wasn't making my room ugly anymore, but unfortunately he still was. Billie leaned closer to me and whispered in my ear. "Is that your brother?" I nodded and she leaned in again. "Why's he in here?"

"We share a room," I replied.

She squinted at him and then shook her head. "I need to go to the bathroom."

"Okay." I watched her walk out and Matt lowered a book from his face, walking towards me. Billie knew where the bathroom was from the first time she came over.

"Who is she?"

"That's my friend. She's staying the night," I said slowly.

"The hell she is! That's the girl that kissed you!" He put a hand around my throat, choking me. He pulled me into a standing position. "I have plans. You tell her to go home after dinner or you suffer the consequences."