Insomnia // Billie Eilish

Chapter 20

I glanced at my phone as it dinged over and over since it just powered back on. I had multiple texts from Billie.

billiam: where are you?

billiam: are you okay?

billiam: your brother came by, i know you're not at home

billiam: please call me baby, i'm worried

billiam: fin says your with him?

I sighed and clicked on Billie's contact, calling her. She picked up almost immediately. "Mackenzie, where are you?"

I hesitated. "Taco Bell."

I heard a car door shut. "I'm on my way. Don't leave." She hung up. I couldn't tell if she was mad or not. I assumed she was. She walked through the door a few minutes later.

She pulled me into a hug, enveloping me in her vanilla scent. I breathed in the fragrance and sighed. "Why aren't you at home?" she asked. "Why didn't you come to me about it?"

"Billie..." I took her hand and we walked outside to the side of Taco Bell so that nobody saw us. "I feel bad for always involving you in my problems. I feel like I'm always complaining and crying." I paused for a moment, gathering my thoughts.

"The day that I met with you in that coffee shop, I told my mom I hate her, Billie, and shoved her into a coffee table. Do you have any idea what she would do if she saw me again?"

"I'm still confused. Why wouldn't you just come to me?" She asked angrily, raising her voice. "You didn't even text me to let me know you're okay. I was really worried and you wouldn't even respond to my texts."

"My phone died. I don't know, Billie! I didn't want you to be annoyed and be like 'oh, this bitch is always falling apart and now she's too pussy to go home,'" I replied. "And stop yelling at me! I can't go back. I'm sorry. I'm..." I shrugged. "I'm so sorry for not telling you, but I'm scared." My voice broke on the word 'scared' and I felt a sting in my throat. "I'm so scared, Billie. I just can't go back."

She put her hands on my cheeks and sighed, resting her forehead against mine. I could tell she felt bad for yelling, and I felt bad for making her feel guilty. "I know, baby. You're gonna get through this though, okay?" She pulled me into her. "Everything's gonna be okay."

"She wants to send me to conversion therapy, Billie." I played with her hoodie strings.

"Look at me." She put a finger under my chin and tilted my head up. "That is not going to happen. I won't let it. Finneas and Claudia are letting you stay with them and we've already talked about it. You're not bothering them. They enjoy having you around."

I stood on my toes to reach her face, kissing her. She laughed against my lips and then pulled away. "Shorty." She stuck her tongue out and smiled.

"I am not short," I defended.

One side of her mouth came up and she lifted and eyebrow. "Okay," She said assertively, licking her lips. "Let's think about this for a second." She gestured, holding her hands out.

I crossed my arms and tilted my head. "Okay."

"I'm 5'3," she said. "I'm already kinda short."

"Yeah."

"You just had to stand on your tippy-toes to reach my face." She laughed.

"I am not short, Billie O'Connell! I refuse to let you pollute my mind with that nonsense." I shook my head.

"Whatever you say." She threw her hands up in surrender and laughed.

Two girls walked up jumping around and waving their arms. "Oh my God! It's Billie Eilish!"

Billie smiled and held out her arms for them to hug her. They talked for a minute and had me take their picture. I loved seeing the way she talked about and to her fans. It was so cute. She loved them so much. They walked away and she turned to me wide-eyed. "That was close."

I nodded. "We should leave."

"You want a ride back to Finneas and Claudia's house?" she asked as we made our way back to her car.

"Yeah."

-

Billie walked me to the front door and I leaned against the wall, facing her. She smiled, placing her hands on the wall on both sides of me. She looked away and bit her lip, her eyebrows knitting together as she thought. "I'm sorry for getting mad at you."

"It's okay, Billie. I'm not mad." I put my hand on her arm.

She scrunched up her nose and then looked at me. "I know you're not, but... still. I'm sorry." I scanned her face, taking in all of her perfect features. "Stop staring at me. You're making me feel like I got some shit in my teeth or something." She laughed.

I shook my head, a smile growing on my face as I hung my arms loosely around her neck. "You're such a dork."

She gave me a goofy grin before planting her lips on mine. "I gotta get home, baby. I didn't tell my mom I was leaving."

"Okay."

"Oh, I almost forgot." She walked to her car and grabbed something, holding it behind her back as she walked back to me. "I got you something else for your birthday. I ordered it a while ago and it came in late." She held out a ukulele. "You told me your mom cut the strings on yours so..."

I took the ukulele and bit my bottom lip to suppress my excitement.

I walked into my bedroom, looking for my ukulele. "Have you seen—" I stopped in my tracks when I saw my ukulele, the strings cut. I bit the inside of my cheek and took a deep breath, reminding myself that I couldn't beat the living shit out of him. "What the actual fuck? What happened?"

Matt inhaled through his teeth and shook his head as he rapidly clicked the buttons on his Xbox controller. "Mom cut them." He licked his lips, turning his controller as he jerked the joystick to the right. "She said it was getting annoying hearing you play all the time."

I dug my fingernails into my hand and rested my forehead on the wall. I really wanted to punch the wall, but it'd put a hole in it. That'd just get me in trouble. "I can't punch the wall. I can't punch the wall. I can't punch the wall." I clenched my jaw and punched the wall, my fist easily breaking through the thin layer. It was either the wall or him. This was my best option.

"Mackenzie—" Matt started talking but I quickly cut him off.

"Shut the fuck up!" I walked out and slammed the door behind me.

"Thank you!" I threw my arms around her and squeezed her. I felt a little guilty that she got it though. I felt like maybe I should've kept my problems to myself.

"Before you say anything, I know I didn't have to do this. I know, but I wanted to." She laughed.

I exhaled slowly. "Okay, Billie."

"Okay. I've really gotta go now. Bye."

"Bye. Text me when you get home, so I know you made it back safely." I waved.

"Yes, ma'am," Billie said jokingly with a slight chuckle.