Insomnia // Billie Eilish

Chapter 33

"Cameron." Matt shook my shoulder. I groaned and rolled over, pulling the blanket over my head. "Cameron," he called again. "Wake up and get dressed."

I thought for a minute and then sighed. "It's Saturday."

"I know," he said. "It's April 22 and also two in the afternoon." I sat up and rubbed my eyes. It was Lilly's birthday. I didn't think it was going to be a good day. I was not looking forward to having to celebrate. It felt so shitty.

I pulled the blankets off of me and walked to my closet, the air feeling cold after leaving my warm bed. I grabbed some sweatpants and a T-shirt before going into the bathroom to take a shower. I waited until the hot water ran out and then got out of the shower. After getting dressed and brushing my teeth, I went back to my room.

"Mom and Dad are going on a walk and want to know if you want to come," Matt said, poking his head into the room.

I moved my phone out of my face and looked at him like he was stupid. "Why would I want to go on a walk with them and why are they going on a walk?"

He simply shrugged and walked away.

-

"Mackenzie, come eat dinner," my dad yelled up the stairs. After a minute of debating in my head, I sighed and made my way downstairs.

"Took you long enough," my mom muttered.

My eyebrows knitted together in a rocky mixture of anger and confusion. "What the fuck is your problem, dude? I'm sorry that I didn't walk down the stairs quickly enough for you. Damn." I made my plate and sat down at the table. Matt chuckled. I was a little extra irritable that day, but she was also being a little bitch.

"Cameron, don't talk to your mother that way," my dad said.

"My bad," I mumbled, stabbing at my food with my fork.

He cleared his throat. "So, your mom and I need to talk to you about something."

I shot them an uninterested look, waiting for him to continue.

"You can tell her," my mom said.

"No, you tell her. It was your idea. I don't even want to do it."

"Well, get over it, you little—"

"One of you just fucking tell me," I yelled, sitting up in my chair. They were making me anxious. Conversion therapy was all I could think of. What the fuck else could they possibly have had to tell me that was bad enough that they were fighting over who had to do it. My mom was usually eager to deliver bad news. I looked between them, waiting impatiently for somebody to tell me what was going on.

"Well, I'm sure you've noticed that we've been cleaning up a lot and renovating." He motioned at the freshly painted walls and newly carpeted floor. I nodded and he continued. "You're mother thinks that it would be best for you if we..."

"Move back to Oklahoma," my mom cut in. "I think it'll improve your behavior and... bad habits. We also have lots of good memories there. We can even get our old house back. It's been repaired."

Tears pricked at my eyes as I took in the information. "W-what?" I shook my head and squinted at her, standing up abruptly. "What good memories, huh? Lilly dying? Why do you think that would be good for me?"

"Well," she started talking but I interrupted her.

"I hate you! You're the only problem with this family! Everything would be fine if you had never come back into our lives! Go back to wherever the fuck you came from! Leave! Nobody wants you here!" I kicked her chair and it leaned to the side, causing her to fall off and land on her butt. Should I have done that? Probably not, but she deserved it after how much she put me through.

"You little brat," she snapped.

"Just leave! Leave us alone! We don't need you! I'll help you pack your shit! Just—just leave!" I waved my arms around as I talked, a steady flow of tears coming down my cheeks. She couldn't really make us move back to Oklahoma. "What did I ever do to you? Why don't you like me?"

She stood up and wrapped her hand around my throat, slightly choking me as she backed me into the wall. I stared at her, waiting for an answer. "I can hardly bear to look at you!" she spit, her breath reeking of alcohol. "You look just like her! You know that? You look just fucking like her, but you're a disgusting person. You're a lesbian and you can't keep you're mouth shut! I wish you would've been the one that died that night! You're a terrible excuse for a daughter! It's embarrassing!" She applied more pressure to my throat, slamming my head into the wall. "I wish it would've been you!" she screamed, her voice gravelly. "It should've been you!"

"Bitch!" I yelled impulsively, shoving her away from me. "Lilly would hate you just like I do! I mean, look at you! You hit your kids and drink alcohol all day!"

"I don't hit my kids," she defended, looking me up and down. "I only hit you, because you deserve it! If you would've died, I wouldn't be like this!" She swung at me, but missed. I looked at her wide-eyed. It'd been a minute since she'd punched me. She grunted, swinging again. This time, hitting my eye. I held my hand over my eye, wincing and crouching down.

She let out a breath, sitting back down and running her fingers through her hair. "Get me another beer." She chugged the rest of her beer and smashed it against the table next to me. I cleaned the glass up and got her a new one before I started to walk away.

"You know what, come outside with me. Let's have a little chat." I swallowed and turned around to look at her, a smirk on her face. Oh, fuck.

I followed her outside and sat in a chair. "What do you want?" I grumbled, not wanting her to know that I was worried.

She smiled at me and I slouched down. "You're going to break up with Billie."

"What?"