Insomnia // Billie Eilish

Chapter 51

This chapter will be in Billie's point of view, simply because I think it will be more interesting that way. I hope you guys don't mind.

Mackenzie sits on my bed, her legs dangling off the side. "You're so short."

"Billie, I'm tired of you calling me short. You're literally only like three inches taller than me."

"And you're literally only five feet tall," I reply. She opens her mouth to argue back and then closes it again. I raise my eyebrows. "Exactly."

She laughs and shakes her head. Her phone starts ringing and her eyebrows knit together as she looks at the caller ID.

"Is everything okay," I ask.

"Yeah." She answers and holds the phone up to her ear. "That's me... wait, what? Hold on." She stands up and holds her hand over her other ear. "Slow down... uh-huh."

I strain my ears to hear the conversation, but I can't. "Baby?"

"Oh my God. For what?" She pauses for a minute. "No, actually I'd say that's pretty damn important." Her jaw drops a little. "O-okay... How the fuck am I supposed to get to Oklahoma?" She scratches her forehead and her jaw clenches. She's clearly frustrated and angry. "I'll figure it out." She clicks the red button and sits down on the bed, putting her head in her hands.

"Uhm... Kenz," I say tentatively. She honestly really scares me when she's angry. "Is everything okay?" She doesn't answer for a minute so I call her name again. "Macke-"

"Hold on, Billie! I just need to— I just need to think!" I jump a little, not expecting that. "I'm sorry, Bil. I just-" I reach out to move her hair out of her face and she ducks, blocking her face. My heart jolts. I hate it when she does that. Not because it annoys me or anything, but because she shouldn't have to be worried that somebody's going to hit her every time she expresses her emotions. "I'm sorry!"

"Mackenzie, I would never hit you," I assure her.

"I know. I'm sorry."

I laugh."It's okay, baby. Stop apologizing."

"Sorry—Wait! Sorry, it's just a habit." She huffs frustratedly, realizing that she did it again. She grunts and hits her head with her fist, standing up.

"Calm down."

She looks around for a minute and sighs. "Okay, I need to... I need to go."

"Is everything okay? What happened?"

She raises her eyebrows and her cheeks turn pink. "Nothing," she says quickly. "Just Matt being stupid."

"Are you sure," I ask.

"Yep." She starts walking towards the door.

"Mackenzie," I call her name to make her stop before she leaves. I grab her hand and pull her back over to me. "Are we really doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"You're lying." I cross my arms. "Why?"

"I-I'm not-"

"Stop," I say, not letting her finish the sentence.

"I don't want to drag you into my problems." She throws her hands up in to the air. "I'm always dragging you into my problems, Billie. And—and it's not fair for you. These aren't your problems, so you shouldn't have to worry about it. I'm gonna figure this out."

"Baby, you're problems are my problems. I want to help you. We are together. We are a team. We have to help each other. You can't be scared to come to me when you need help, okay?"

She nods.

"This isn't a one sided thing. It's mutual. You help me with my problems, so let me help you with yours."

She nods again. "Okay."

"Now, what's going on," I ask.

She looks at me, panic swirling in her eyes. "My dad's in jail. Matt wouldn't tell me why, but he said that my mom is the one taking care of Brian."

"Wow."

"Yeah, and I don't want her to put him through the same shit she put me through. He barely even knows her. I'm not letting this happen." She closes her eyes and sighs. "How the fuck am I supposed to do this?"

"What do you mean? Dude, I'll help you. We can figure this out together."

"Billie, I'm not letting you-"

"Stop, Mackenzie. It's fine. I want to help you. I don't mind and—whether you want me to or not—I am."

-

My dog, Shark, starts barking when somebody knocks on the door. "Come here, baby." I pat my hands on my knees. He runs over to me and I scoop him up, ignoring the door. My mom will get it.

"Billie," my mom yells. "It's Mackenzie."

"I'm coming," I shout back, setting Shark down. I run down the stairs and wrap my arms around Mackenzie, kissing her head. "Hey, baby."

"Hey." My mom walks away and she nuzzles her head into my chest. "Um, Billie?"

"Hm?"

"Uh, can—can we talk," she asks, furrowing her eyebrows. I can feel my heart rate pick up out of worry.

"Yeah. Let's go to my room." I walk upstairs and sit on my bed. She sits on the floor in front of me and plays with her shoe strings.

"So... I was thinking about what to do about the whole Brian situation."

"And?" I raise an eyebrow and lay on my stomach, facing her.

She closes her eyes and scratches her forehead. "I don't... uhm..." She inhales through her teeth and bites her bottom lip, looking away. I get down on the floor with her and grab her hand. She clears her throat.

"Hey," I say, softly. "It's gonna be okay."

She nods. "I'm going to—uh—I'm going to file for custody. I don't know if..." She looks up at me. "I'm sorry if that changes the way you feel about me or whatever, but I have to."

I put my hand on her jaw and rub her cheek with my thumb. "Baby, why would that change the way I feel about you?"

"Because if I get custody over him, he's going to have to be basically my top priority."

"I'm okay with that, Kenz. He needs to be your top priority. He needs you." I shake my head. "And I'll help you get him, okay?"

She looks at me, confusedly. "You do understand that we're not going to be able to hang out as much and stuff unless you come over to my house, right? And even then, Brian is going to probably be messing with us most of the time."

"Yes. Of course things will be different, but I'll do anything for you."

She sighs. "Billie, I love you so fucking much." She smiles and climbs onto my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"I love you too, mamas." I connect our lips and pull her closer to me.