Insomnia // Billie Eilish

Chapter 17

I sighed inwardly and forced my eyes open when I felt hot air hitting my neck. I squinted at the figure in front of me. Billie. She had her leg draped over me and her face was hidden in my neck. Butterflies erupted in my stomach and I could feel myself blushing.

As much as I didn't want to get up, I also didn't want her to wake up while I was right there. She couldn't deny that she liked me, but maybe she didn't want it to go anywhere. Maybe she just wanted to be friends. I didn't want her to be upset with me for not moving or anything.

Billie started moving and I panicked, so I pretended to be asleep.

She kissed my head and then walked into the bathroom, brushing her teeth before taking a shower. Only a couple minutes after she got into the shower, she got back out. She jogged into the room with only a towel on and grabbed her notebook.

She started scribbling down a bunch of words. After a minute or two, I spoke up, acting like I hadn't been awake the whole time. "Billie? What are you doing?" 

"Hm? Oh, shit. Sorry. I just got out of the shower and I thought of some lyrics, so I had to write 'em down. I thought you'd still sleep for a while." She hid her face as her cheeks turned red and I giggled at her. She glared at me playfully and went into the bathroom to get dressed.

While she was gone, I let my mind wander. Billie and I had gotten so close to kissing so many times, and something always interrupted it. It was extremely frustrating, but what if she did it on purpose? She'd made me think she was gonna kiss me multiple times. One time she even leaned away. This bitch needed to figure out what she was doing.

Billie laid down with her head in my lap. "What's on your mind, baby?"

I felt my cheeks heat up as I remembered what I was thinking about. I definitely wasn't telling her the honest answer to that. "Nothing." I shook my head.

"Really? Nothing at all?"

I shook my head and yawned. "Nope."

"Didn't get enough sleep?"

"Nuh-uh." I laid back.

Billie scooted up to where she was next to me and laid on her stomach. She rested her chin in her hands and looked up at me, swinging her legs back and forth through the air. "What keeps you up at night?"

I stared up at the ceiling, thinking. I shook my head slightly. "Just... thinking about a bunch of things."

"Like?"

I looked over at her, glancing down at her lips and then back at her eyes. I swallowed before answering. "You."

The doorknob twisted and then suddenly stopped. There was a loud smacking noise but I ignored it.

She looked at me and then looked down before looking up at me again. "Why? Elaborate."

I closed my eyes and sighed. "Billie, what do you mean? I like you. That's why. You're literally perfect and God—you're so pretty. You're always here for me." I let out a small laugh as I thought of what I was about to say. "But you're such a damn tease."

She smiled. "What do you mean?"

I raised an eyebrow. "This is what I mean." I leaned in like I was going to kiss her and then at the last minute, I leaned away.

"Oh. That."

I nodded. "Yep. Like, just fucking kiss me already. God damn." I joked.

"I mean, I just..." She sighed and twisted one of her rings, not making eye contact with me. I'd noticed that as one of Billie's nervous habits. "You told me you've never kissed anyone before—well, besides your brother and that was more him kissing you. It doesn't count. That means that if I kissed you, it'd be your first kiss, and I just feel like I'm not good enough for that. You know? I feel like you deserve somebody better—somebody else to share that moment with."