spiderson and the avengers oneshots

"I didn't Tony I mumbled it!"

"Uh, hey guys! I'm Spider-Man, and I'm doing the WIRED Auto-Complete Interview! I don't really know why I'm here, Mr. Stark kinda shoved me in this direction and told me to do this, so hopefully I don't mess up?" Spider-Man shrugged, and caught the board thrown in his direction.

"Is Spider-Man..." He tore off the first strip of paper. "...an alien? Technically, aren't we all aliens? Like to the people we consider aliens? In any case, you'll just have to find out."

Spider-Man tore off the next strip. "Is Spider-Man straight? Yep, but I'm taken by my beautiful girlfriend, Elle if you're watching this I love ya. But I super wish I was bi, then I could make the joke, I swing both ways, but sadly the heart wants what it wants."

"Is Spider-Man dead?" Staring directly into the camera, he deadpanned, "Yes."

"Is Spider-Man an Avenger? So, that's a funny story..." Spider-Man threw the board over his shoulder and continued, "Remember that space doughnut that showed up a while back? I climbed up there, got this suit because of oxygen deprivation, saved a wizard, and then Mr. Stark knighted me before I died. But then, after they killed that purple grape dude, I came back! And I was never de-knighted. De-knighted? Is that a word? I'm going to assume it is. So yes, I'd say I'm pretty much an Avenger." "I did not knight you!" "Yes you did! You did the knighting thing with your hand!"

Spider-Man was thrown the next board, and when he caught it, he said, "At least my superpowers are good for something other than emotional trauma. It would be pretty embarrassing if I didn't catch that... Mr. Stark would probably make fun of me for a couple months." He shuddered at the thought before moving on.

"Who is Spider-Man? Very direct. But that's a good question. Who am I? I certainly don't know. But I want to make the song reference so badly right now. I'm not going to, since I am not singing in an interview that I know is going to be on the internet. I don't need any more blackmail against me. Not after last time. But anyway One Direction needs to get back together, please."

"How old is Spider-Man? Bold of you to assume I age." Peter laughed at his own joke, "I'm 19."

"Is Spider-Man a police officer? Nope, I think I technically work for the government, but always thank your local police officers, they do hard work, I can't always be there but they take the time to risk their lives everyday, for civilians like you."

"Can Spider-Man control spiders? Okay, so, I have arachnophobia. Ironic, right? But one time, these muggers thought that I, as Spider -Man, could control spiders. So, obviously, I just went with it, and threatened to sicc spiders on them if they didn't stop. I can honestly say I've never seen two more terrified people, and they bolted out of there as fast as they could. I barely even had time to web them up. I think the real reason why I can't control spiders is that I'd be too powerful. That's probably also the reason I have depression. I could've taken over the world if I didn't have it, so you should be thankful. Oh and thanks Scott for putting that image in their brains."

"What does Spider-Man eat?" Spider-Man looked at the camera. "A healthy portion of tide pods and bleach."

"What is Spider-Mans name? Uh Anakin Skywalker. Nah I'm just kidding my name is Peter."

"How did Spider-Man get his powers? A spider gave them to me." Then Tony Stark ran into frame, "a radioactive spider, please do not run around trying to get bitten by spiders." Then Tony ran off screen. "What he said."

"Is Spider-Man Tony Starks son? Uh, not that I know of, unless my dead mom cheated on my dead dad, then no, which to be frank wouldn't be that would be that surprising for an early 2000's Tony, and my aunt said my mom was a pretty sly-dog." A pen enters the frame, and hits peter on the head.

"What does Spider-Man look like?" Peters masked face turns directly to the camera, "literally the most average human male ever." "MJ highly disagrees!" "Shut up Ned!"

Is Spider-Man ever going to do a face reveal? Face reveals are for chumps, like Iron Man." Another pen enters the frame. "wait should I just do the most boring face reveal, and just whip the mask off?" "No!" Tony yelled.

"Does Spider-Man have friends? I have a solid 3 friends, like 900 non-biological and uncles, one irondad, and one spider mama, looking at you nat!"

Is Spider-Man dating Deadpool? Nope , he is one of the 900 uncles tho. Why do so many people think that? He's like 35, no hate against wade though, Love ya!."

"Why was Spider-Man at a feminist parade? Because I wanted to support 50% of this population." Peter said. "Unlike some political figures." He mumbled. "Peter you can't just say that!" "I didn't Tony I mumbled it!"

"Why was Spider-Man at a PRIDE parade? To support people, oh shit that's why people were asking about wade, we went together last year!"

"Okay, so this is the last one." Spider-Man shifted in his seat before ripping off the last strip. "Does Spider-Man have social media?" He laughed and looked off-camera, saying, "Great last question, guys. Now I can shamelessly self-promote." Looking back at the camera, he continued, "You can find me at @NYCWallCrawler for Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat. And I don't have a Facebook because I made fun of Mr. Stark for having one and I cannot risk him doing the same to me. It might never end."

Spider-Man once again threw the board over his shoulder, and said, "Alright, I guess that's it. That wasn't too bad, actually. I don't think I failed completely? Anyways, see you next time, thanks for watching!"