Never In My Dreams

21- Painful Memories of Him

* WARNING: The following contains scenes that may not be suitable for certain audiences.

"When you care for someone more than they deserve, you will get hurt more than you deserve."
-Anonymous

[Nayeon's POV]

My eyes had stung from continuously wiping tears. Every memory that I had with him- the ones I vowed to never remember- came flooding my mind. It was poison to me. His words were meaningless and his presence was toxic.

My mother and father told me to be careful. My mother had told me that even the devil was beautiful before he went to hell, but the beauty on the outside was nothing compared to the wickedness on the inside. His seductively can lead to temptation. My father told me all flowers can wither- the time depends on its health.

Lee Minhyuk was the description of Lucifer and I was the withered flower. His charms, intelligence, and handsomeness were unmatched with his words and actions. I, the withered flower, was one of the victims of his game. I lost a part of myself with him. And I vowed to never let all of me be lost.

"Nayeon," I watched as he laughed. His brown hair radiating in the sunlight. He flashed me a smile and held my hand tight.

He had picked me up from class and we were on our way to eat ice cream at the park. Butterflies fluttered every time he complimented me. Our anniversary of our first year together was soon, and we would spend the week together before my exam since I would be studying hard.

"I know you're gonna do well! Just think hard and focus. I'll be rooting for you and," he said while intertwining his fingers with mine, "if you earn a higher rank than I did, I'll stop calling you 'bunny teeth'"

I rolled my eyes. "How do I know if it's a lie? You always trick me," I sneered.

He stuck out his pinky and gave me a gentle smile. "A promise is a promise," he said. The smile in his eye was enough for me to believe.

"Okay!" I said, putting my pinky finger with his.

Back then I was a naive girl who believed in promises. I was a girl who believed in only the good nature of people. And I was stupid to be with him when he didn't respect me and the decisions I made. Instead, he manipulated me and guilted me. He twisted my words to make himself sound more heroic.

We were on the bench. My head fell onto his shoulder as I finished the rest of my ice cream. Although I was cold, his presence kept me warm. I felt safe with him. I wanted this moment to last forever.

"We've been together for a while," he said, smirking down on me. I could see the lust in his eyes intensify the longer he stared at me. I then felt his hand caress my knee before his fingers trailing up toward my thigh, almost going under my school skirt.

I pushed his hands away, feeling and looking disgusted. "Stop!" I shouted, while keeping in mind that children were present. I didn't want to attract any attention toward us or embarrass him.

The lust in his eyes disappeared once I raised my voice at him and pushed him away from me. The lust was replaced by anger and disappointment. This wasn't the first time he had made advances toward me. I would keep reminding him that I believed in marriage before sexual intercourse.

"Stop?!" He cursed under his breath. "It's your fault. You keep leading me on." He muttered inaudible words under his breath before rubbing his temples. "Let's just go. I'll walk you home."

Before I could say anything, he had stood up and started leaving. I was left speechless. We always fought, but nowadays he had been getting more persistent with me. His temper could be easily disturbed. The thought of breaking up would come into mind, but the hope I had for him to change was greater than that.

The love I had for him at the time was bigger than the love I had for myself. His happiness was my top priority, which led me to abandoning my own wants in order to fulfill his desire. He then used my feelings to him as a weapon.

"A promise is a promise!" I screamed. My whole body aches. My heart aches and I couldn't take it anymore. I listened to him as he continued preaching to me about my wrongdoings.

"Nayeon-ah!" He smirked. I never noticed how intimidating he was until now. The picture perfect boy who had a heart of gold, was not found. I never knew he was capable of being such a villain.

"Do this for me and for your own sake. It would be a shame if your parents knew their daughter was so dirty. It would be a shame if your classmates knew how all easily turned on you get whenever I touch you here," he whispered. His hands trailed up my inner thigh and I winced as I had came in contact with his touch.

Who knew the person I love the most would be the person I feared the most.

I closed my eyes at the painful memories of him. I couldn't imagine how those girls who fell in his charm felt when he did those things to them. I can't imagine how Jisoo felt when she found out what he did, resulting in what left a scar in us all. I can't imagine the unbearable pain she went through.

I was too focused on my thoughts that I didn't pay attention to Mina who walked in. I didn't bother to wipe the tear that had fallen.

"I knew you weren't okay, even though you insisted," she said, gesturing to my sad expression.

I didn't want them to worry about me, especially since it was my job to offer the support to them being the eldest. "I'm fine, I just got emotional for a minute." I wiped the tear stains away, showcasing how fine I felt even though I was a lie.

"How is Tzuyu doing by the way?" I asked. I wanted to change the topic and know if she was doing fine. From her what she had told us, I had made it more of my responsibility to take care of her. She deserved the love and not to feel discarded just like I had did before.

"She's doing well now. I told them to start the movie without us, and I also called the girls and informed them. Only Jihyo and Jeongyeon will come since Momo and Chaeyoung have schedules in the morning."

She took a seat beside me on the bed and engulfed me in her arms. The silence felt good and I wanted to be like this. I wanted to sleep and curl into a ball. I felt the safest with them. I found comfort in them when I had hard times, which is one reason that telling Tzuyu was not so complicated. Telling all of them was not complicated.

She pulled away and looked intensely into my arms. I could see her concern and sincerity in the way she looked at me. "If he has actually returned, then I promise we won't let me hurt you again, okay?"

I nodded, still unable to speak. She embraced me in another hug. I always believed that my relationship with Minhyuk was one sided. I loved him wholeheartedly, but never once did he do the same. From then on, I swore to never let myself fall deeply in love with a man, afraid that I will end up hurt again.

That pain was hard for me to handle. My heart couldn't handle another heartache. And no matter how much the girls would push me toward Jin, I wouldn't let myself cave in.

I couldn't let myself love him, when I had no love toward myself.

—

Let me know what you're thoughts were toward this chapter. There was a lot of flashbacks in this, to help u guys understand her situation. I wonder what happened to his sister though :) but feel free to comment what u think happens since I love hearing the ideas.

Also, do you guys ship jinayeon?