Never In My Dreams

40- Thantophobia

"Sometimes only one person is missing and the whole world seems depopulated."
                  -Alphonse De Lamartine

[Tzuyu's POV]

     I rested my head on the window pane as I watched people pass by. It still was one of my methods to clear my head. It's crazy how life can either be scarier than riding an actual rollercoaster or be that one ride that you'll want to go on again. In my case, I was on a rollercoaster that had all these unexpected twist, turns, loops, and drops from ridiculously high altitudes. That, in fact, was the definition of my life.

"You didn't touch your food!"

I looked up and saw Jihyo unnie carrying a small glass of water from out her kitchen. She wore a worried expression on her face as she moved closer to me.

"Nayeon told me you went to see Taehyung. Is it about him?" asked Jihyo as pulled a seat closer to me.

I shrugged my shoulders and continued to pick at my food. "Maybe..." I mumbled. I focused my attention back to the window and looked down to the people below.

Jihyo rested her hand on top of mine and scooted herself closer to me. I could feel her eyes on mine as she lowered her gaze to my food. "Someone always told me that food makes everything better."

Without turning away, I said, "Momo, right?" I figured it would be her since that sounded something she would say.

Jihyo smiled to herself and nodded her head jokingly. "Yeah, that Momo is something else." Her face then got solemn with a mixture of concern, "You're getting thinner every time I see you. The rest of the girls notice as well." She let out a small sigh and gave me a reassuring squeeze. "We notice these changes because we worry a lot. Have you ever considered talking with a therapist?"

Was something really that noticeably wrong with me? I didn't want to worry them, but I felt like I was fine. I would keep pushing through like I always do, even when I wanted to give up. My silence was enough of an answer, and Jihyo pulled me into a tight hug. It was nice being able to be held, since it's been a while. Jihyo always gave me a strong motherly aura especially during times like this, and I highly appreciated it.

"Unnie, I feel weird nowadays," I blurted, unselfconsciously. I didn't even realize I said it until Jihyo responded with a simple, "Huh?"

I pulled back and messed with the fabric on my shirt, trying to find the right words. "It's just that, I haven't been feeling too well lately with everything that's happened." It wasn't just because of the accident, but with my parents too. I had no idea when they or if possibly left Korea. Su-wei only knew so much and from what she told me, even if they turned a blind eye to me I should still keep my guard up. I wasn't taking her words for granted either. I mean, who would want to go back to someone who abused them, whether that's mentally or physically?!

"I understand. Sometimes our problems get to us and can make us feel like the world is against us, but in reality it's not. I know how it feels as well- to almost loose someone..." Jihyo's voice drifted off as she began to wipe a single fallen tear from her eye.

I held her hand tightly since it broke my heart to see her shed tears. I was really sensitive when it came to someone I loved, and I guess that's been showing more lately.

"When my dad got sick, the doctors told my mom and I that he may not live to see tomorrow. They even told us to bid our goodbyes," Jihyo's voice began to waver. She took a deep breath and continued to speak, "Back then I felt guilty. I watched my mother work two full time jobs in order to pay for my dad's treatment. I couldn't do anything then because I was still a student at the time and my mother never wanted to put the burden on me. Seeing her tired and sad and seeing my dad sick, made me feel awful. It made me wonder if I was a bad daughter for not doing more to help."