My New Life

Chapter 15- open up alexis

I craved those pills, I needed them to get rid of this pain in me. I needed to feel like I did before moving here.

I was still crying, from hearing those words.

"I would have left her there"
"She's ruining this family"

I felt nothing, but pain. I felt like a burden.

I felt numb

I got up from my bed and went in my closet, I searched my bag, I knew I packed a couple, but couldn't find it. Fuck they must have took it.

I can't keep doing this to myself. I have a fresh start and I fucked up. I needed to talk to him.

"Alexis please open up" Andrew kept saying and banging on my door

"Alexis please he didn't mean anything, please just open up" Andrew said again

"ALEXIS JUST OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR" Aidan said startling me

I wanted it more and more, I wanted them. I wanted to go back to my old life. I hated everything. I was angry and sad and wanted to be back with my parents. I just want to see them one more time.

I can't keep doing this to myself, and neither or them. I am a burden, I created so much arguing and made it harder for them. I wish they never took me in.

I went in my bathroom and checked for my pills there. They were gone. I can't go down this road again, it was painful the first time and I shouldn't do it again. I got up and grabbed my phone. I texted him

I need you help- Alexis

What happened- James

I'm craving the pills again, I need it- Alexis

You didn't take them right?- james

No, but I want them- Alexis

Use the exercise we went through together- James

Ok- Alexis

I did the exercise but it didn't work

It's not working- Alexis

It's ok talk to me- James

I don't want to feel this anymore, I feel pain. I miss everything. I want my old life back, I want the pain to go away- Alexis

The pain won't go away forever, you have to push through it. Remember the last time how it was all the pain you went through afterwards. You lost basketball, all your friends. Everything. You don't want that to happen again- James

I know, but it hurts, and I can't do it- Alexis

Alexis I know you can you're strong, you're my strong little chicken nugget- James

I smiled at his nickname

Thank you, and you're my big chicken nugget.-Alexis

Of course I'm always here for you and i will be coming to LA in a couple of weeks, so I'll see you soon and we can talk about it and have so much fun.-James

Thank you James, you're the best and I wouldn't be able to do this without you- Alexis

I wouldn't be able to do this without you either- James

ilysm- Alexis

Ly too- James

I heard yelling from them but I had to block it out.

I put my phone down, and felt a bit of relief. I always count on James to help me. I got really drowsy so I went back into bed. Letting the dark consume me