How We Fell

[15]

X a v i e r

Keith Kenneth Morales, that jerk. Wala pa ring pinagbago.

Sigurado akong papaasahin na naman niya ulit si Andy. For the third time around? They still believe they could still work things out? Oh come on. I call bullshit. Let's be realistic here. Malabo na mangyari iyon.

And yes... I know they've been together before. I was one of the very, very few people who knew about it. Two years ago.

But of course I do. I do know, and I do remember very well.

Well, aren't they just lucky enough. Hindi lahat ng mga tao ay nabibigyan ng pangalawang pagkakataon. We all know that. One chance is lucky enough, actually. But a second one? A third one? You're not going to get it all the time.

Siguro nga, mayroong mga taong maswerte sa pagmamahal. Hindi katulad ko. For me, love only happens to the people who are willing and ready for it. And I've always told myself that I'm not. That I don't deserve to be given a chance.

But now I think, that that's just wrong. Dahil lahat tayo ay binibigyan ng pagkakataong magmahal at mahalin. We all have the right to see love, to feel love in our veins. We all have the right to be given our own chances. That it's a chance for everyone... to either lose or take.

But that's also exactly the thing; I don't even know if I've already chosen to take my chance or have I come to choose losing it... or that I haven't made up my mind yet.

It's confusing. But the three options... are all equally scary.

J a m i e

Isang linggo na ang mabilis na lumipas magmula nang magkabalikan sila Keith at Andy. Isang linggo nang nagdedebate ang puso ko kung tama nga ba ang ginawa kong desisyon. Tama kayang nilayuan ko siya? Tama kayang pinakawalan ko siya?

I heavily sighed. Maybe what I did was right? At least, nandito pa rin ako sa Mev at hawak ko pa rin ang scholarship ko. And Keith's happy, too, anyway. As long as I see him happy, I won't ever find faults. I don't want to. I don't need regrets right now.

Huminga ako nang malalim at tumanaw sa malayo. Napasinghap ako nang mahuli ko ang titig niya sa akin. I suddenly felt the connection... and how it hurt.

What if we were in another life, Keith? Would we still be best friends? Or would we be strangers? I wonder... would we still cross paths? And would I ever fit in your world?

"I knew it. Dito lang kita mahahanap..."

Napapikit ako sa pagkakagulat at naramdaman ang pagtayo ng mga balahibo ko nang biglang may bumulong sa tenga ko. Napalunok ako at bumilis ang paghinga habang minumulat ang mga mata at dahan-dahang lumingon sa kanya.

He chuckled and stood up properly. "Damn, Ruther. Nagulat ka na naman sa gwapong biglang sumulpot?"

Kumunot ang noo ko at luminga-linga. "Saan?" painosente kong tanong.

Ngumuso siya at umiling. Natawa na lang ako nang nakasimangot siyang umupo sa tabi ko. Sinalubong niya ang tingin ko at lalong kumunot ang noo niya.

"Why are you here anyway?" tanong niya sa akin. "You should have asked me to come with you kung gusto mo lang tumambay dito..."

"Ayaw kitang abalahin, e," sagot ko naman.

Tumaas ang kilay niya. "Ruth, hindi dahil busy akong mamroblema sa kagwapuhan ko, e wala na akong free time, you know. I don't like seeing you alone."

Nagsalubong ang mga kilay ko. Tumawa naman siya nang malakas.

"Kapal, ha," natatawa kong sabi at nag-iwas na ng tingin para matanaw ulit si Keith sa malayo. And just like that... I felt the pain run through my system.

X a v i e r

"Xavier, l-let's get out of here..."

Napakunot ako ng noo nang biglang mag-iba ang tono ng pananalita niya. She immediately stood up from her seat as she picked her bag up and wore it over her shoulder. One more thing, she called me with my whole name and not with the nickname she always uses. Alam kong seryoso ang usapan, pero...

Damn it, Xavier. Can you just quit it? Stop even thinking about it when the only thing you have to think about right now is why Ruther's acting this way!

"Are you okay?" I asked with concern in my tone. Nagtataka ko siyang tiningnan habang nangingilid ang mga luha sa mga mata niya. Sinundan ko ng tingin ang kung ano mang tinitingnan niya.

I clenched my jaw as I saw what was happening right there. It was Keith and Andy kissing right in front of everyone.

Hold on... I thought that public display of affection's strictly prohibited here in Mev High? And that actually came from Andy! Wow, unbelievable. Ni hindi man lang sila pumili ng mas tagong lugar. Talagang sa gitna pa ng school park, huh? For what? For show?

"Halika na..." sabi ko kay Ruther pero hindi siya nagpatinag. She couldn't keep her eyes off of the scene. I can see her expression etched with pain. She looked hurt.

I gently held her arm. "Come on, let's go..."

She bit her lip as she slowly turned to me. I can see the tears just about to fall but before they could, tumingala siya at agad na napawi ang mga iyon. She bitterly let out a weak laugh.

"Akin na 'yang bag mo," sabi ko at kinuha ang bag niya na nakasukbit sa balikat niya. She let me. Just when we were about to go, she ran away.

"Ruther! Ruther, sandali lang!" Agad ko siyang hinabol. Damn. Doesn't she know that Keith was looking at her the whole time?

He stopped the kiss as he kept his gaze on her and not on Andy. Nagtiim-bagang ako. I think the asshole's doing this in purpose.

Tumigil si Ruther sa pagtatakbo at napatingin ulit kay Keith. And because I'm only a few feet away from where she stands, nakita ko ang pagpatak ng luha niya. Nilapitan ko siya.

"Ruth..." I sighed.

"Come on, babe," Andy giggled as she held on his collar. "What's stopping you this time, huh?" Tumawa ulit ito.

I looked at them again as Keith laughed and pulled her in for a hug. I shook my head in disbelief. Oh, it's clear to me now. I can see the lies. I know his games so well. He really is doing all of this with intent.

And now, I'm sure... That after all this time, he's still into it. He's still into you, Ruther. And that's the only truth in this game.