How We Fell

[16]

K e i t h

Eighth flame.

Andreanna Marie Morseff. It's you again... for the third time around. Welcome back, my sixth, seventh, and now -- my eighth flame... that will burn me again one last time.

Oh, hell. I'll make sure that this would be the last.

Everything that happened in that park a while ago? All of it were merely props. It's all just for show. Everything's just for show. It's a tactic to make Andy feel how 'in love' I am with her, and, well... to make Jamie realize my worth.

I want her eyes to see what she lost letting go of me. Hindi naman ako manhid para hindi maramdaman na napipilitan lang siyang lumayo sa akin. Alam kong napilitan lang siyang isuko ang pagkakaibigan na ang tanging mayroon lang nga kami. Napilitan lang siyang talikuran ako, talikuran ang lahat-lahat.

Actually, kissing Andy wasn't part of the plan. I was okay with the eye contact that lingered between us, that even if we were far away from each other, I can still feel no gap between the two of us. Everything we've ever felt, everything we've ever been through... It's still there.

Sadyang nainis lang talaga ako nang sumingit na naman sa eksena 'yong Xavier na 'yon. Sa sobrang inis ko nga, hinila ko si Andy papalapit sa akin at bigla na lamang hinalikan.

Damn it, just damn it, Jamie. Ang ayoko sa lahat, iyong pinagseselos ako! Masama akong magselos, dahil kung ano-ano ang nagagawa ko. And you just pushed me right there. You can't blame me for kissing her right in front of you.

Pinagselos mo ako. Pagseselosin rin kita!

And what did you do, huh? You ran away? Why? Couldn't you just take it, Jamie? E, bakit mo ako pinakawalan kung ganoon? Tell me, darling, were those tears for me? Akala ko ba ay sasaya ka kung mapunta ako sa kanya? Why don't you look happy to me, then?

Napapikit ako at inalala ang nangyari kanina. She was damn messed up. She looked so hurt seeing me kiss somebody else. Ano, Jamie? Can you still take it? Didn't you tell me that you wanted this?

I kind of liked the fact that the reason's because I'm kissing another girl. What I hated was that I made you cry. Damn it, Jamie! I can make you cry just like that?

Gustong-gusto kitang lapitan. Gustong-gusto kitang yakapin at gustong-gusto kong sabihin sa'yo na 'wag na 'wag mo na akong itaboy pa. Kasi nahihirapan ka rin, e. Hindi lang ako... Pero alam kong itutulak mo lang ulit ako papalayo.

But don't you worry, Jamie. Just after all the crap that's going on right now. Just after I deal with this love-hate relationship I'm having with Andy. Just after I survive this eighth flame... Aaminin ko na rin sa'yo ang totoo.

Aaminin ko na rin sa'yo na matagal na kitang minamahal nang higit pa sa inaakala mo.

A n d y

Mixed feelings?

Andreanna Marie Morseff, what the hell! You shouldn't be feeling this way. Do you even understand that? Hindi pwede!

It's only been one week but what? You're a wrecked mess. Sabi mo, hindi ka na mai-in love pa ulit sa kanya! What in the world is this then, huh?

I shook my head as I closed my eyes shut. I know I can't feel this for him. No... I shouldn't. I've kissed many guys before! And they don't even differ from Keith. I mean... There's... Never mind. I shouldn't talk about him now!

What I'm trying to say is... Why is the feeling still so different whenever it's Keith's lips that are on mine? I'm doomed... This is not the plan. This is not the mission.