How We Fell

[23]

J a m i e

I was smiling broadly as his name suddenly popped up on my phone screen. Ewan ko ba kung anong klase 'tong nararamdaman ko. Ang bago. Ang kakaiba.

Xavi:
Gawa mo?

Iniisip ka... I typed in. Namalayan ko na lang na kung ano na pala 'yung na-type ko nang binasa ko ulit iyon. I quickly deleted it and typed in a new one.

Me:
Wala naman.

Xavi:
Can I call you? :(

Lalo akong napangiti. He's not being clingy, right?

Me:
Okay.

Within a few seconds, his name popped up again. Tumatawag na siya. Napabangon ako mula sa kama at saka agad na tumikhim-tikhim.

"Uhm, hello..." pagpa-practice ko. "Tsk, isa pa. Hi? Ahh, no! Hello, Xavi... Tsk, Jamie, 'wag ganun!"

Suddenly, I realized what I was doing. Seriously? Pinagpapraktisam ko ang simpleng pagsagot ko sa tawag niya? Oh my god, Jamie Ruther. Just answer the call. Answer the damn call and just be yourself!

"Ano?" mataray kong sinabi pagkasagot ko ng tawag.

"In eight rings, you finally answered. Kilig muna bago sagot, Ruthy?" He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes although I know he couldn't see me. "Bakit ka ba napatawag?"

"Because I have your number...?" I was trying my best not to shriek. I'm concentrating on how hot his manly voice is! God, Xavier. Why, just why?

"Ruthy! Speak naman, please..." Saka ko namang naalalang nasa kabilang linya pa nga pala siya. Shit. Hindi kaya nahahalata na 'to sa'kin?

"Ano ba sasabihin ko?" I asked, out of topics to think about.

"Hmm, anything... Kahit ano, magkwento ka. I just wanna hear your voice..." aniya.

Tinakpan ko ang bibig para mapigilan ito sa pagsigaw. This guy is really making me lose myself!

X a v i e r

"Ruther..." pag-uulit ko ng tawag sa kanya pero nang tingnan ko ulit ang screen ng phone ko ay wala na pala akong kausap. She ended the call?

I quickly typed in a text.

Me:
Don't wanna talk to me? :(

Me:
Kinilig ka na naman siguro sa bedroom voice ko.

Ruthy:
Kapal.

Agad akong natawa nang malakas habang nagtitipa ng reply.

Me:
Mahal...

Ruthy:
Ang tuition sa Mev. :P

Napanguso ako. She really is hard-to-get. This is going to be tough, I think. Mahirap magpaibig ng babae kung hindi naman siya interesado. Not that she can't be interested in me... I mean... for me... that's just... impossible...

Me:
Tanggap pa rin kita, kahit ganito ka ka-corny.

And after that, I waited for another reply, but it never came. She usually replies within seconds. I'm used to that! Mabilis kaming mag-reply sa isa't-isa, at kung matatagalan man, magsasabi kami. I wonder, is she busy right now? Ano kayang ginagawa niya at parang sobrang importante naman?

Hey, are you still there? I sent the message right after I typed it in. Pagka-send ko pa lamang n'un, only seconds passed until her reply popped up on my screen.

Well, damn it, her reply wasn't exactly what I expected it to be.

Ruthy:
Sa totoo lang, baguhan talaga ako sa mga ganito eh. Wala pa naman kasing naglalakas-loob magtanong sa akin dati kung pwede ba akong ligawan. Seryoso! Ikaw pa lang. Nakakapanibago ka nga, eh. The fact that you actually want to put your effort on me is just so unbelievable. Sure ka na ba? Sure ka na ba talaga na ako talaga gusto mong ligawan?

Me:
Of course I'm very, very sure about you, Jamie Ruther. Ikaw talaga.

After a minute or two, another text came.

Ruthy:
Sure na 'yan, ah? Wala nang back-out 'yan! Kasi ako, hindi na rin ako magbaback-out sa pagtatanggap sa'yo, eh... Hahaha ano ba 'yan, nakaka-corny na 'to masyado. Basta, kahit may halong biro 'to, gusto kong malaman mo pa rin na seryoso ako. Now that you have my full permission, and now that I'm finally opening my heart again to accept you, please... Please, Xavi, don't hurt me. Don't be a burden to this heart of mine. I've been hurt enough before, and you know that, right?

Ruthy:
I'm giving you this chance that I know you deserve.

Every word etched pain deep in my heart. How dare I wish to hurt this innocent girl? Can I really even do it?

Pumikit ako nang mariin at huminga nang malalim. I opened my eyes and read her message again. This is it, right? This is the start of everything. This is the start of the game that I should win. I should be damn happy. I shouldn't even feel all this guilt inside of me...

I don't want to lose. I don't... I just can't...

Please, Xavi, don't hurt me. Don't be a burden to this heart of mine.

How could I just not do that? I know I will.

Fuck, I will! I know every detail of this wicked plan. I know every single step I'm supposed to make. And that is to do the exact things she's telling me not to.

So why should I even feel this way? Hindi ba, dapat wala akong pakielam kahit masaktan ko man siya? Kasi iyon ang plano!

Truly caring for her was never part of the plan... Don't you even dare ruin all the rules you set, Xavier Andrew Buenaventura. You can't lose this time.

It's mind over your heart. Mind over your heart, remember that. She gave you a chance, a chance she thinks you deserve.

And a chance is all it takes... to break her broken heart.