How We Fell

[31]

X a v i e r

Hindi ko alam kung nag-iilusyon lang ba ako sa narinig ko o totoo nga ang lahat. Parang na-blangko ang isipan ko at hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin. Nanatili lang akong nakatingin sa kanya ng diretso, at hinihintay na ulitin niya kung ano man ang sinabi niya.

"So? Aren't you going to say anything?" matawa-tawa niyang sabi. Ang utak ko, nagbubuffer pa rin.

"W–what were you saying?" nalilitong tanong ko. Samantalang siya, nakangiti lang akin na para bang isang anghel sa totoong buhay. Hinanda ko na ang pandinig ko sa sasabihin niya dahil baka nga nag-iilusyon lang talaga ako kanina.

"I'm already letting you claim me, ayaw mo pa?" Mahina siyang tumatawa. Iniisip ko tuloy na baka ginu-good time lang niya ako. Baka biro lang, baka hindi naman talaga niya ako sinasagot. But all these doubts escaped my mind, when I heard her repeat what she said...

"I'm yours, Xavier." Sa pagkakataong 'to, diretso siyang nakatingin sa mga mata ko at makabuluhan niyang sinabi iyon. I felt something strange inside of me. Para bang may nagwawala na hindi ko maintindihan.

Still, I kept my reaction that way. Puzzled, shocked, surprised. "Excuse me, am I hearing it right?"

Tumango-tango siya, nakangiti pa din. "Yes, you are hearing it right. I'm yours, Xavier. Sinasagot na kita."

I swear to God I couldn't explain how bizarre it all felt. The smile painted on my lips tonight is the biggest I've ever smiled for the longest time. Kakaiba ang sayang nararamdaman ko. I bit my lip to try to suppress my smile but I just couldn't hide it!

Pero bakit ganito ako kasaya? Siguro dahil abot-kamay ko na ang plano ko? Siguro dahil malapit na akong magtagumpay? Siguro dahil unti-unti na akong nananalo?

Pero bakit... siguro lang? Hindi ba dapat, sigurado ako?

Xavier, ano na ba 'tong nararamdaman mo? Hindi dapat ganito. Your heart shouldn't be acting this way. Hindi dapat ang lahat ng 'to, hindi ka pwedeng magpatalo. It's mind over your heart, and flying pigs still cease to exist, right?

Please sink that in. Please lang.

"Ano? Ngingitian mo lang ba talaga ako dyan?"

"Ibig sabihin ba nito... Tayo na?" I asked again. I just couldn't believe it!

"May iba pa bang nagliligawan dito?" She laughed. "Syempre, tayo na."

My smile widened. Hindi ko na napigilang tumayo at yakapin siya nang mahigpit. I can feel my heart beating fast, and I don't have to run my doubts in my head right at this very moment. I just want to be happy, I just want to hug her and God, who cares why?

"Hulog na hulog na 'ko..." she whispered ever so softly. Without even thinking, what escaped from my mouth was...

"I got you, okay?" as I gently kissed her forehead.

I don't know where I'm getting all of this. This is not me. I am not in control of what I am doing. This is wrong. But why does it feel right?

Ni hindi ko magawang alisin ang pagkakayakap ko sa kanya. Para siyang isang magnet at hindi ako makawala. Isinandal ko ang mukha niya sa dibdib ko, letting her listen to every heartbeat.

"I can't explain how happy I am in words," sabi niya at saka tumingala para tingnan ang mukha ko. I just looked into her eyes and nowhere else. "Thank you for the two months you've spent being patient on me. Salamat sa lahat ng effort mo sa panliligaw sa akin."

"Well, it did pay off." Hinahaplos-haplos ko ang buhok niya. "You were worth every second, every minute, every hour, and every day I've spent just to have you."