Young Adult

Chapter thirty eight - Falling

The courtyard was spinning around me, I felt shivers all down by body ... I wanted to be sick.

How did Charlotte out of everyone seem to be moving forward aswell? When she approached me I thought that she had never changed, and I was kind of glad that she hadn't, but now I see that she's matured ... she's accepted her past and moved on, whereas I've clung to the past, scared to go forward.

Seriously what have I been doing?

I weakly got up to leave but my legs failed me and I plummeted to the ground, I heard Charlotte shout as I fainted but I didn't try to stay awake. If I kept my eyes closed could I go back to where everything was the same?

I woke up in a strange room, my head hurt and my legs felt bruised. "Are you awake?" Ezra mumbled, waking up by my side. "What happened?" I asked trying to sit up. "You fainted in the courtyard, I ran out to help you, but you already had fallen. There was a lot of blood so I wanted you to go to the hospital but the Vanderburgs stopped me because of the press outside. They had an in-house doctor so you were treated in there mansion, you've been asleep for a day now."

I took it all in as Ezra hugged me, "when I saw you on the floor I thought that you might wake up and forget me again." I stoked just back, weirdly not moved by his words. "What if I wanted to forget everything again?" I asked him bluntly.

"Did something happen last night?" He stammered, it was hard to normally read Ezra's expression, but I could clearly tell what he was thinking now - he was scared that I would leave him again. Why am I being horrible to him? How did I let Charlotte get into my head?

"I met Charlotte again, I thought that after seeing James I had got over everything. But when we met again I was happy, she seemed the same and for once it was like I wasn't stuck in the past. Though as we kept talking I realised that she had grown up too, I felt sick. Why am I the only one that doesn't remember growing up? Why do people change and leave me behind?" I cried out.

Ezra backed away from me, retreating back to his cold, icy exterior. "So what do you want to do, do you want to leave me?" I stopped in my tracks, can I live without Ezra in this world? But I keep doubting his intentions and relying on him to fix my problems. But I don't want to leave him.

"N-no I don't want to, I just want to be able to move forward and not cling to my past." Ezra got up from his seat and handed me his black card, "all I can do is hold you and hope that you don't leave me, but I only came into your life four years ago. I don't share any memories with you from your high school life, Charlotte does though and I feel like she's the only one that can help you right now. You can come back to me once you sort things out with her, I have to go to work now." He kissed my forehead for leaving.

I wanted to tell him not to go, to let me be a brat next to his side. But that's not fair on him or me. I just want to be me again, not the past me that Ezra loves or the one that Charlotte knows. I hate both sides of me right now.

I woke up a couple hours later at 10am, Charlotte met me in her greenhouse. "I heard a bit about you from your husband." She muttered as I turned to face her.

"I'm sorry, about what I did at graduation and how I treated you, you were the only person that looked out for me and not used me." She had finally apologised, and sincerely, but I didn't want to stop hating her.

"I tried to kill myself when you were in that coma ... I just did want to live in a world where you couldn't protect me anymore. No matter how much I hated you or how much I retaliated against you, you were still there for me." My eyes widened, she felt like Lily standing there, by herself and I was just feeling bad about myself this whole time ...

I rushed up to her and gave her a hug, "what you did to me hurt and I might still resent you for doing that to me. But you need to stay alive, you need to earn my forgiveness not pity for dying. I don't ever want to attend a funeral for someone I love." Charlotte nodded, crying with me.

We walked over to her room to talk like we used to, "is it hard? I mean still being a teenager mentality?" She asked, I nodded "it's really hard, I've tried to keep it in in front of James, my brother and even my husband sometimes. But I'm terrible at lying to you." I smiled through crying.

"I'm kind of glad that you're still eighteen, I've been living with my uncle, trying to move on with my life but I just feel like these past six years time had past me by without me doing anything." I hugged her once more, "is it okay if I'm glad that you're still stuck in the same place that I am?" She nodded at my silly question.

Once we calmed down it was already nighttime, "are you okay with not getting your memories back?" Charlotte asked me, murmuring through the sheets. "I don't know ... at first I wanted to know about my past, but then I was scared that if I didn't go back to the old me that Ezra loved he would leave me."

Charlotte turned around to face me "and now?" She asked, and now? ... "now, I just want to be able to stand beside him without any worries or doubts, regardless of whether I have my memories back." Charlotte chuckled.

"You have changed, eighteen year old Addison wouldn't care about a guys opinion, she would do whatever she wants without considering others." I smiled sincerely for the first time today. "I guess I have changed then."

Charlotte nodded "I guess we both have without realising it, maybe because the change was so gradual or just that we thought that we were always like that." I hugged Charlotte from behind. "Thank you, you're the only one who has talked some sense into me, you've changed as well." For the first time this week I was able to sleep peacefully.