Young Adult

Chapter twenty nine - The psychiatrist

I woke up to my arm flung across Ezra's chest, his hair had de-straightened after last night so that his natural curls had settled on top of his forehead.

I brushed across his eyebrow with my thumb, he began to groan and slowly wake up. I quickly kissed him as he began to wake up, I retreated straight away and covered my mouth with the bedsheet.

He smiled and flung his arm across me, moving closer over to me and kissing my forehead "morning." He groaned quietly. "Morning" I mumbled back, still blushing.

"Do you want something to eat? I can make a good toast?" I giggled and nodded, we got up and dressed and walked downstairs together.

"I know you've been putting it off because we've been busy, but when do you want to see a psychiatrist?" Ezra asked as we started to eat breakfast. I put down my toast, psychiatrist? If I said that I didn't want to go would he leave me straight away? Maybe he might even get mad and just stop talking to me ...

"Do you want me to go?" I asked, looking up at him, Ezra smiled and walked over to me, kissing me and then kneeling down in front of me, holding my hands.

"Do you know why I like you? You always keep your promises to people, because of you I could trust people again. I know it's scary but I'll be with you every step of the way as you promised to do the same for me." I sighed, is being an adult setting aside your fears for the one you loved?

Alright, "I'll do it!" I exclaimed, he patted my head and smiled at me once more. "One of my old friends is a psychiatrist and he can see you today if you want?" I nodded, I had already worked up the courage, if I wait any longer I might back out.

We got dressed and headed straight to Ezra's friend's clinic, "I have to go back to the office for a bit but I'll pick you up when you're done." Ezra leaved over from the drivers seat and unbuckled my seatbelt and gave me one final kiss before I got out of the car.

I trembled as I walked in, I remember taking lily here every other Wednesday. My parents made sure that she always had someone to talk to after her parents died, but seeing her always come back so lifeless after her meetings made me scared.

"Mrs Reed? Mr Frederick is waiting for you." The receptionist smiled at me as she directed me to the room where I was supposed to go.

"Mrs Reed nice to meet you." The doctor greeted me as I took a seat, "nice to meet you Addison I'm John." I smiled at him politely.

"Now I read your files before you got here, it seems that the long term goal is for you to get your memory back." I nodded as he waited for my affirmation.

"However since your old doctor said that you were regaining your old memories before you got into your second crash, it looks as if this will be a delicate process so for now let's go over some short term goals."

I looked at the doctor with confusion "like what?" I asked, "for this session let's talk about your sister Lily." I looked down in shame, "what should I talk about?" I questioned.

"Hmm, try to recollect some of your memories with her and how you felt." I nodded.

"The first memory I have of lily is when she moved in with us, I had always wanted a younger sister so I asked our parents if we could share a room together." I paused reflecting back on my childhood.

"I loved having a sister, we shared clothes, played together and did almost everything together ... but it was when we went middle school together that things began to change." I looked over to the doctor who was writing down some notes.

"Lily was seen as my weakness at school, a diverted way for kids to pick on me, they didn't care the Lily was a person as she wasn't going to inherit a company. It made me angry as to how they would bully her if I didn't want to go to a party or if I rejected some guy, but lily must've hated me more." The doctor sighed at my response.

"Okay I want you to think of your favorite memory with lily, but this time don't think of what you think Lily would've felt, just think of your own emotions." I tried to recall back, there were so many memories I cherished with her that it was hard to pick one.

"It's hard to think of one exactly, but I guess it was when I was eight. Lily had been staying with us for a couple months but she hadn't opened up yet, but one day there was a huge thunderstorm which lily was very scared of, so then I hugged her all night. But after that night I became scared of thunder as well, we always used to laugh at that afterwards." The doctor nodded along.

"And how did that make you feel?" I looked at him weirdly, "happy obviously, I guess, I liked bonding with my new sister, why else would it be my favorite memory?" I asked to see if he had a different theory.

"Obviously I don't know you that well so I might be speaking out of term, but this memory is probably your favorite because that's when you saw your sister at her most vulnerable points. Yet you have a positive mindset attached to it, try seeing this memory as a negative mindset." I was even more confused after he said this.

"But why?" I asked, "you need to realise that people are responsible for their own actions and fears and that you can't control that or the people around you, money can do a lot of things but it can't help people that don't want to change. You always changed for your sister but she didn't want to do the same for you, I'm not saying that she didn't love you but someone's mindset is not something that you can control. So just think about that until next time we meet as it's been two hours now."

I looked over to the clock after the doctor had stopped talking, it was already four and Ezra has texted me that he was here. I said goodbye to the man and left.

What was he trying to say by wanting me to change my mindset, did something happen to lily that I don't know about?