Young Adult

Chapter thirty six - Doubt

Have I thought way to much into what James said this past week? Yes. Have I also told myself countless times that I'm being delusional and Ezra doesn't properly know how to convey his feelings? Also yes.

To be honest I don't even know that much about the man that sleeps beside me, I think I know everything one minute but then he shows me a new side of him to me that maybe I don't want to know.

But Ezra also said the same thing about me and that he liked that he was knowing more about this version of me. But why don't I like this? I don't like thinking that he'll do anything for me, it's a cold and sickening feeling that I feel responsible for anything that he does in my name.

Yet I like this man ... I love him, he has helped me out more than anyone else. Though our relationship had been rocky, it's been out of love.

I shook of my feelings for the hundredth time and wrapped my arms around his torso, his soft heartbeat coaxed me back to sleep.

"I have to go to a social event tomorrow and completely forgot that I RSVPed to it like six months ago, do you want to go?" Ezra asked me at breakfast, I jumped out of my seat, dazed by the news.

"Really! I can't wait! Social events have been the thing I've missed most and after I saw Wren I've been missing going to those events with him even more." Ezra grinned at my energy.

"I'm glad you're happy, you've been off this week." I sat back down feeling awkward, "you noticed?" I chuckled trying to blow past my awkwardness. "Yeah you've been quite obvious with tossing all night." I laughed again, he noticed?

"Sorry, I guess that it's just one of those weeks." I hoped that Ezra would buy my lie but looking at his expression it looked like that was a bust, "whatever you say, I'll listen if you ever want to tell me the truth later, but I'll believe any lie you tell me."

What's this? He's being nice but now I feel cruel, it feels like I'm using his pure love for me now.

"I should find a dress then, I'm guessing that this is an official event?" I asked trying to change the subject, Ezra nodded "I try to avoid these types of networking events as much as possible but this one is held by one of my major shareholders, so I can't not go." I didn't card about his reason, I was just delighted that I had something else to fixate on other than spiralling.

"Do you want to come shopping with me? You probably don't want anymore suits but you need an accent that goes with my theme." I suggested, Ezra nodded "it'll be a fun day out anyways.

We drove over to a high end department store and headed over to dior for my dress, "how did you meet this shareholder?" I asked Ezra as I got measured for my dress. "Actually it's the former politician I mentioned, you know the one with the daughter I almost married." He muttered.

"What!" I exclaimed, "will she be there? Did she ever like you? Does she still? Did you like her?" I blurted our anything that came to mind, Ezra grinned "it was only a mutual beneficial engagement, we only met a couple times and we both didn't like each other so I broke it off." I rolled my eyes accepting his past decisions.

"Still, wasn't that in England, why are they in America now?" I asked as I picked out a few dresses off of a rack presented to me. "I don't know the Vanderburgs have several properties around the world." The name struck a cord in me for some reason, I know that name I just can't remember how.

I decided to let go of it as I changed into a couple of the ballroom dresses, "I smiled in the dress room mirror by Ezra, "this reminds me of Charlotte?" I smiled as I twirled and went back to change into the next dress.

"Do you go to many of these socialite parties?" Ezra asked as I came back out to show off my next dress. "Not really, I liked these events, charlotte liked clubs more. But I had the most fun at these parties when Charlotte came along." I bounced back into the changing room.

"So you forgive her for what she did to you that night." I stopped and only focused on looking at myself in the mirror. I shook my head "how could I forget what she did that easily, it's just that we have such an intertwined and complicated friendship, it's hard to find someone in upper class that has your back most of the time. Yes Charlotte has hurt me many times, but she also helped me through difficult times."

I snapped back into reality and went back to try on a fourth dress, "don't you have any friends like that?" I asked him as I came out again, "I don't think so, but that relationship sounds like the one I have with my mom. Someone that hurts you but you put up with it for their love." I turned to face his melancholic expression.

"Do you forgive her for abandoning you?" I asked his, kneeling down to see his face, Ezra emptily smiled back at me, "it doesn't matter if I do or not, we're not family anymore, the only person that can leave me now is you." He spoke whilst stroking my hair. "This dress looks pretty" Ezra added.

His expression was light hearted, but his words probably were true. Ezra Reed, a cold hearted man in the outside, but on the inside he is just a kid that desperately wants a family. How could a boy like this hurt me?

"I'll get this dress then, since you liked it." I smiled weakly at him, trying not to cry.